I have come home from work…

[Itsokay2020]

To find that my ‘D’P has hacked away at two shrubs in our garden and it looks awful, beyond awful.

I do the majority of gardening and five years ago our new build garden was a completely blank canvas apart from a lawn and patio area. Since then I have planted trees, shrubs, plants and created a garden space that I am proud of, and a space we are complimented on. My phone camera roll is full of photos of the garden evolving over the past five years.

Today I receive a text to say that ‘D’P has hoovered, done some ironing and done some pruning, followed by a 😁 emoji.

He’s actually hacked away at two shrubs, which would have provided berries and shelter for the birds in winter, and reduced their size by a least 50%. They used to cover the plain wall of our carport, provided screening and allowed some privacy from our neighbours (and vice versa). No discussion took place, nothing.

AIBU to be so angry, to feel as upset as I do? Of course, they’ll hopefully grow back next spring. But they didn’t need to be reduced in size, I maintained them well and they looked really good! Now they are ugly, shapeless, and I simply don’t understand what possessed him!

AIBU? Any advice?

No no no, original Bush was far far nicer! What a plain square 'like' boring Bush it is now!

‘Husband tried to be helpful…AIBU to be mad at him for it’

that should be your title. He has done a good job, it was an overgrown mess before he sorted it.

be grateful, say thanks, and ask that he consult you before doing the gardening in future if you are going to be so VERY unreasonable

poor guy

YANBU - your version looked lovely. I much prefer a more natural look. So much better for wildlife!

I completely get it, I would have been upset too. Bless him though, he thought you'd be pleased. I couldn't be cross for long...

I have to say, I also prefer the ‘after’. It’s soooo aesthetic, as teens say.

However, I do feel bad for the birds.

It’s a garden. I mean there are so many people without GARDENs/ homes/ heat/ shelter and you’re complaining about a bush. Gosh what is happening right now?

Big things happening doesn't render the little things any less annoying. Less important, yes. Less irritating, no.

@Jogonlogonpip I’m never cross for long, what’s done is done, hopefully it will grow back and by next summer it will be glorious again and no longer neat 🤣

I cried when dh was over zealous with one of our plants. It was really stupidly upsetting.

@Boreded except, strictly speaking, he hasn’t done a good job unless you think these two varieties of shrub need to be heavily pruned in the first week of September!

If that makes me unreasonable, I’ll take it, because I’d rather research, understand, discuss and approach the task at the right time than go in with a pair of secateurs without a second thought.

I like it better the way he left it

Does working on communication means he does what you tell him?
He doesn’t need your permission to do some gardening in his own garden
actually looks so much better, he has done it well. You seem a bit controlling and over bearing

I love a wild/natural garden too - cant abide the bare and fency look of some gardens.

Sadly, Im in the minority. My gardener calls me a tree hugger. One of my neighbours takes a chainsaw to his hedges every few weeks and they look pitiful. About 4 feet tall, thin, twiggy and brown. Whats the point in having them? All his conifers are bald and brown too and his lawn is like the surface of the moon. Very sad.

Does working on communication means he does what you tell him? He doesn’t need your permission to do some gardening in his own garden. You seem a bit controlling and over bearing.

I agree, sorry but your reaction is a little OTT.

In addition to the horrendous tree decimation by my husband/tree surgeon, my gardener butchered my expensive topiary cloud trees. He chopped the luscious football sized 'clouds' into mingey little lopsided tennis balls sized. They survived to tell the tale and your shrubs have only had a minor trim.

i agree with you but I don’t like a neat square of (plastic) grass with a neat border of flowers. Neither does the wildlife!

It looks good- it’s much better to grow the shrubs up with regular pruning because it creates more side shoots and so stronger thicker growth.
Don’t be too mad at the poor man.

Sorry, his version is better!

it does look neater however its far too early if its a plant that has berries and from that point of view then he should the gardening to you from now on. Think you'll just have to try diplomacy whilst explaining why it wasn't the right time of year.

Is he one of those people that needs a list of jobs to do?

This can sometimes be a preventative measure to be sure they're never asked to do gardening tasks infuture.

TBF the shrub looked like it did need a prune it'll also help it to thicken up and grown better.

I think this version looks better, the 'before' just looked like things that hadn't been pruned for ages and had gone wild (though I understand what you were trying to do- maybe put something else there to cover the fence?)

But it's personal taste I suppose. Just tell him not to interfere with your garden again.

Looks fab.

Granted he hasn’t done it at the right time, but it is clearly your husband trying to do you a favour, but here you are bitching.

i bet you’ve NEVER tried to be helpful but made a mistake

Our next-door neighbour (new) suddenly decided to cut back the pine trees in his rented garden. He's cut them from the bottom up and now the trunks are tall and spindly. We can see into their garden and them into ours. We have lost all privacy, it's SO annoying (and it looks weird).
Just hoping that we might be able to afford to replace (and heighten) the fence soon

oh no. My mother does things like that to me. I was leaving my hedging to flower for the bees so it was very up and down like yours and I came home from work to her very proud of how helpful she had been halving the height while my brother had been cutting my grass. I finally flipped my brother had told her not to but she decided she knew best. when I got my new heding and shrubs she was well warned not to touch 1 single leaf!!

Your way is definitely much better. Much more tasteful and as you say it creates a softer touch. His is too harsh and “gardening by numbers” - as if someone’s told him hedges must be straight and he’s blindly done it.

However the pictures aren’t as awful as all that - it’s not the end of the world just a bit lacking in “eye”.