My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

I have come home from work…

285 replies

Itsokay2020 · 07/09/2022 17:34

To find that my ‘D’P has hacked away at two shrubs in our garden and it looks awful, beyond awful.

I do the majority of gardening and five years ago our new build garden was a completely blank canvas apart from a lawn and patio area. Since then I have planted trees, shrubs, plants and created a garden space that I am proud of, and a space we are complimented on. My phone camera roll is full of photos of the garden evolving over the past five years.

Today I receive a text to say that ‘D’P has hoovered, done some ironing and done some pruning, followed by a 😁 emoji.

He’s actually hacked away at two shrubs, which would have provided berries and shelter for the birds in winter, and reduced their size by a least 50%. They used to cover the plain wall of our carport, provided screening and allowed some privacy from our neighbours (and vice versa). No discussion took place, nothing.

AIBU to be so angry, to feel as upset as I do? Of course, they’ll hopefully grow back next spring. But they didn’t need to be reduced in size, I maintained them well and they looked really good! Now they are ugly, shapeless, and I simply don’t understand what possessed him!

AIBU? Any advice?

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

1768 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
33%
You are NOT being unreasonable
67%
GlitterSpark · 08/09/2022 22:34

I am completely with you, OP. My husband ripped out a wonderful established clematis not long after we moved into our house. I cried when I saw what he'd done. To someone who adores their garden, an unwarranted and unexpected prune is like someone lopping your child's hair off. I would be heartbroken, even if his intentions were good. Tell him thanks, but unless he is willing to learn about each plant species to know how and when to prune, he needs to step away from the secateurs.

Report
alwaysanauntie · 08/09/2022 22:35

@Itsokay2020 & @WhizzFizz thank you. We are going for the jungle look, so it is pretty lush & wild. All of this has grown in the last 18 months since we moved into this house (was a barren grassy wasteland before) so things can get up & going quickly xx

Report
LampLighter414 · 08/09/2022 22:36

I don’t think there is much need to be so upset by this. He thought he was being helpful. A lot of people seem to prefer what he’s done compared to before.

Just say to him next time can you let me know if you’ll be gardening and we can agree what is to be done together.

Report
SusieWicks · 08/09/2022 22:42

I can’t stand it when people violate Mama Nature needlessly and then act like it’s a good thing. Still when the damage is done, it’s probably best for your mental health to accept and find another bush to give your love to. My comment is: make sure he stays out of the garden in the future.

Report
Canthave2manycats · 08/09/2022 22:45

I was extremely pissed off with my DH a few years ago when he viciously pruned an ivy growing on the wall of our house. However, it did grow back really quickly and it's had to be hard pruned several times since.

Tell him to leave it to you from now on!

I bought a new salix flamingo recently - I wasn't ready to plant it and it didn't get watered often enough, and most of the leaves died, bar one small branch. The garden centre advised pruning it and leaving it to recover. That was a few weeks ago, and all the dead leaves have been replaced by brand new growth. Seems to be pretty hardy!

Report
KirstenBlest · 08/09/2022 22:49

@LampLighter414 , you missed my post - he's ensured that it probably won't flower next spring. Basically, he's vandalised it.
Inconsiderately pruned shrubs grow back with a vengeance, and not in a neat attractive way.

Report
TheJade · 08/09/2022 23:03

I’d be annoyed too but you know what men are like. I imagine he is proud of his work.

my husband and I have these disagreements all the time 😅

Report
Babysitter12 · 09/09/2022 00:15

Its an improvement, stop whining and be thankful he hasn't run off with the next door neighbour

Report
ELLAMAR00 · 09/09/2022 00:35

Had the same problem about 4 months back my husband did the same thing we have a large tree. Think it may be a rowan tree flowers in summer and berries in winter I was gutted.

Report
Ellebell123 · 09/09/2022 00:53

Sorry, I used to love gardening but if think if this is all you have to worry about you are v lucky. But I am a miserable cow today as have a chronic illness and am in so much pain today I can’t think straight. He really thought he was helping, it does look neater, and will grow like mad in the spring. Plant a beautiful clematis up some trellis to cover the wall. And perhaps get some perspective ( and a life…)

Report
Thatboymum · 09/09/2022 00:54

Good god it’s only a bush 😂it looks far better now than it did too

Report
Doingmybest12 · 09/09/2022 06:10

Much better now I am afraid and it'll grow again and be better for being cut back .

Report
Itsokay2020 · 09/09/2022 06:18

@Ellebell123 wow, since when does a chronic illness give you the right to be so rude? I have a serious (and rare) auto-immune disease, treatment has left me with a significantly weakened immune system due to the biological treatment I received and my B cells haven’t recovered. I am now under the care of immunology. It’s worrying, affects me every day but it thankfully hasn’t turned me into a c*.

Our garden is a place of solace for me, does wonders for my MH and is very much one of my hobbies. Of course it’s not all I have to worry about, what a ridiculous statement to make, but even on days when my body is tired and sore, I have thoroughly enjoyed creating, maintaining and caring for our garden. I have a life, thank you, one that is fulfilling, full of love, laughter and of course the inevitable trials and tribulations.

Shame on you for attempting to tear others down as a result of your personal pain!

OP posts:
Report
Itsokay2020 · 09/09/2022 06:21

@Babysitter12 eh?!? Something you want to share? Hahaha, just picturing the image of that scenario… nope; very unlikely that will happen 🤣

OP posts:
Report
Itsokay2020 · 09/09/2022 06:22

@ELLAMAR00 i feel your pain, I hope your tree recovers in time

OP posts:
Report
Flossatops · 09/09/2022 08:50

Looks good to me. I'd be delighted if my husband sent me such a text! Just say thank you and give him a big kiss 😁

Report
CaptainNelson · 09/09/2022 11:18

I'm with you, OP. I am of the 'nature is best' gardening approach and my ex was of the 'clean and tidy' garden approach. Ne'er the twain shall meet!

Report
HoarHouse · 09/09/2022 11:44

Itsokay2020 · 07/09/2022 17:34

To find that my ‘D’P has hacked away at two shrubs in our garden and it looks awful, beyond awful.

I do the majority of gardening and five years ago our new build garden was a completely blank canvas apart from a lawn and patio area. Since then I have planted trees, shrubs, plants and created a garden space that I am proud of, and a space we are complimented on. My phone camera roll is full of photos of the garden evolving over the past five years.

Today I receive a text to say that ‘D’P has hoovered, done some ironing and done some pruning, followed by a 😁 emoji.

He’s actually hacked away at two shrubs, which would have provided berries and shelter for the birds in winter, and reduced their size by a least 50%. They used to cover the plain wall of our carport, provided screening and allowed some privacy from our neighbours (and vice versa). No discussion took place, nothing.

AIBU to be so angry, to feel as upset as I do? Of course, they’ll hopefully grow back next spring. But they didn’t need to be reduced in size, I maintained them well and they looked really good! Now they are ugly, shapeless, and I simply don’t understand what possessed him!

AIBU? Any advice?

He has done a good job, I'm changing my vote.

Report
SillyOldBucket · 09/09/2022 14:25

Sorry, but I think it looks much better - much neater and at a manageable height.

Report
Lizzy53 · 09/09/2022 16:33

He was wrong not to discuss it with you imo.

Report
Silverstreaks · 09/09/2022 17:14

Give him an absolute bollocking and make sure he never does something as thoughtless again.

My husband did something similar. He was welding a new power tool and in a flash lopped the top off a beautiful tree. I went ballistic. Called him all the fuckers and made it clear I'd nutured that garden that wanted to be a swamp in the winter and a desert in summer and by doing that he'd totally devalued my hard work. 😡

Report
Liquorish · 09/09/2022 17:26

As someone with a chronic illness whose mood is lifted by their garden and seeing all the berries for the birds and the flowering wildness, I feel your pain OP.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

georgarina · 09/09/2022 17:33

It's shit of him not to ask you especially when it's been your project. It doesn't matter if people think it looks better or worse. It's like redecorating his home office while he's out without asking him.

Report
Augustmummy · 09/09/2022 19:54

I thought this was a joke post to be honest - they look much better now. Sorry they looked a bit like weeds before

Report
LoisLane66 · 09/09/2022 21:23

I think it looks awful, bare, wrong.
Why not take out the shrubs and put some trellis in the space and have a clematis or some other climbers against the car port wall you could always add some pots or a trough along the bottom to add interest until the climber gets going.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.