I have come home from work…

[Itsokay2020]

To find that my ‘D’P has hacked away at two shrubs in our garden and it looks awful, beyond awful.

I do the majority of gardening and five years ago our new build garden was a completely blank canvas apart from a lawn and patio area. Since then I have planted trees, shrubs, plants and created a garden space that I am proud of, and a space we are complimented on. My phone camera roll is full of photos of the garden evolving over the past five years.

Today I receive a text to say that ‘D’P has hoovered, done some ironing and done some pruning, followed by a 😁 emoji.

He’s actually hacked away at two shrubs, which would have provided berries and shelter for the birds in winter, and reduced their size by a least 50%. They used to cover the plain wall of our carport, provided screening and allowed some privacy from our neighbours (and vice versa). No discussion took place, nothing.

AIBU to be so angry, to feel as upset as I do? Of course, they’ll hopefully grow back next spring. But they didn’t need to be reduced in size, I maintained them well and they looked really good! Now they are ugly, shapeless, and I simply don’t understand what possessed him!

AIBU? Any advice?

haha this is excellent, both the word 'manouncement' and the fact you actually made him a medal

@Twawmyarse I have never thought that only I can care for the garden, but he rarely shows any interest unless I specifically ask him to help. I am more than happy to do it, but don’t think it’s unreasonable to be upset by what he has done in terms of the lack of research (identification and how to maintain) and the lack of communication!

Me too. I think he’s done a good job and they’ll come back better next year.

Perhaps tell him to leave alone in future.

On no, sorry I’m team DH here too. It’s always annoying having to pare stuff back when it covers something you want covered but it’s the best thing for it!

This is very pertinent for me. The biggest row I had with dh over the summer was when he decided to ‘prune’ - massacre the lilac tree.
I was beside myself. I was so angry I didn’t know what to do.
Dont think he will do it again.

Only read the first page.

The shrub on the right of the second photo has been badly hacked & is a mess. I have lots of hedge shrubs (not a big acreage but a lot of perimeter!) & when I prune them I aim for them to look natural afterwards, as though they haven't actually just been pruned. The one in the photo is a total failure on that score, with chopped-off bare branches sticking out.

I don't know if I'm pruning my stuff properly; I do know that I haven't killed anything off yet & everything has flowers & berries every year. And there are no sticky-out bits to look ugly & get in people's way.

OP, you have my sympathies.

As people said he's done it neatly but why are people obsessed with neat gardens? I love a wild garden. Trees and shrubs that are allowed to grow in their own shape are beautiful.

So far, when my DH has been “mowing the lawn”, he’s cut off the bluebells before they’ve flowered and reduced my wildflower patch to such short stumps that even though they’re supposed to self seed there was no evidence of them this year. I cried quietly to myself as he was trying to be helpful and in fairness he was very apologetic when I pointed it out nicely. Complete solidarity.

Give him a break OP! Jeeze, god forbid he try to do something nice for you!

OP I prefer your version by far, but I am a believer in getting away from perfectly manicured gardens and having spaces suited to wildlife. Berries and flowers etc are so important for nature so I would be hacked off too. ..
It will come back stronger next year. If he doesn’t do much in garden then he won’t be familiar about best times to cut back certain shrubs. I would thank him for his help but also make it clear that timing in gardening is very important.

Gosh it looks so much better now, well done to hubby.

I think they look neat and tidy

I voted YANBU then I saw that he’d done a pretty good job. Plus he hoovered and ironed!! My husband hasn’t touched the vacuum cleaner for about four years and doesn’t know what an iron is!! 😩

My sympathies, similar happened to me, but the shrubs were pulled out and cut up to fit in the bin, so no replanting possible. After a day or so looking at the bare fence from the kitchen window, I said to DH " I have really gone off the colour of your car... do we still have some paint left over from the bathroom reno?" New, bigger shrubs were bought that afternoon, and left alone!
I don't get the posters saying your shrubs look better if they still hadn't grown to the height you wanted....and good on you for thinking of the birds.

I agree

@ThatshallotBaby I am so sorry, I hope your lilac tree recovers too!

I think it looks better. He's done a good job

Just showed my DH the before & after pix. He can be a bit of a hacker (I can tell him not to leave sticky-out bits till I'm blue in the face as he exits, secateurs in hand, & he'll swear he hasn't when he comes back in - but he always has). His comments:

pic 1 - covers the wall nicely, looks very attracyive, flowering well

pic 2 - LAUGHS. Says the ugly bit on the right hand side needs to be taken out. (The 2 sticky-out bits further to the left need to go, too.)

People saying it looks neater & it's a good job: have you never actually seen a shrub growing naturally? Have you only ever seen ones which have been hedge-trimmed in straight lines?

That is SUCH bad pruning. I can't see why posters are saying it looks better or it looks neat. It isn't either! You shouldn't really be able to see that it's been cut back!

The risk in pruning at this time of year is that the plants may develop new growth
in response to the shoot tips being pruned off, and that new growth being killed off in subsequent frosts. I would only prune either after flowering or at a time specific to that species.

OP Is that lilac Miss Kim?

@Onautopilot crikey! Glad new shrubs were purchased and left well alone!

Here in East Anglia the trees are stressed and there are very few berries appearing due to the prolonged period of very hot, dry weather, but I’ve tried to recycle water and keep our garden as ‘green’ as possible and promote growth. Our garden is also less than five years old. It’s another reason why I am cross, DP loves nature too and he now realises his error, it won’t happen again and I believe that. We all need to look after nature and, for me, ‘neatness’ can wait and each shrub/plant should be cared for in accordance with its needs

Your comparing 2 different styles
neat/wild

both good examples it’s personal
choice

@TheNoodlesIncident yes, the left is a lilac, the right is a cotoneaster 😔

‘graciously thank him’ wtf for? It’s not the bloody 1950’s.

In an attempt to add some humour, our beloved dog is perhaps more annoyed - she has lost her cool, shaded hiding place, it was also her favourite place to hide bones, treats and her go to place if we tested the smoke alarms. The guilt of seeing her sad face is likely to bother DP more 🤣

I can’t see how they provided privacy - they grew against a wall. It fine to prune back. YABU