my boyfriend likes Andrew Tate....emotional support please?

[PinkStarAtNight]

so I only really came to know of Andrew Tate a few weeks ago when he got banned from the internet and it was on LBC. The way they described comments that he said reminded me of a guy I had overheard my boyfriend laughing at when he was watching TikTok. I had raised an eyebrow at what I heard and my boyfriend had laughed and said 'he's saying everything tongue in cheek, but to be honest a lot of what he says is true.'

I didn't think too much of it until I heard the show on LBC saying he had been banned for his misogynistic comments and harmful influences on young people and they quoted some of what he said...I went to my boyfriend and asked him if this was the guy he sometimes watches clips of. He said yes, it was. We then had a conversation about him being banned and boyfriend said he didn't think he should have been banned, because its cancel culture and all Andrew Tate did was express his opinions. I said that he was spouting misogynistic comments and it was awful/could have a negative impact on young men/as a society we can't allow those sorts of comments etc so of course he should have been banned.

In the last couple of weeks we have had numerous conversations about it, where we have both been tried to be calm and listen to each other's opinions. His argument is that Andrew Tate is standing up for men everywhere who feel oppressed by society and feel that their mental health issues are not recognised or taken seriously. He quoted how men are more likely to commit suicide and don't feel able to talk about their feelings, and women just want to try and 'fix' them by using methods that help women, like talking...but men don't like talking, it doesn't work for them, the thing that works for them is to 'go into' their masculinity.

Recently boyfriend has started saying things like 'women take advange of men', 'women are like annoying children', 'women want to work less than men' etc etc etc...he never said these things before watching Andrew Tate. He's says that Andrew Tate has 'set men free' and made it so they can finally speak their minds. And the fact that he got cancelled as soon as he did that, shows that society isn't ready to listen to men's problems and we (the women, because apparently women have taken control of society) just want to "shut them down". He gets very angry and emotive about this.

After me trying to talk to him more about the problem with some of the things Andrew Tate says, Boyfriend said that when it came to the misogynistic comments the media have misquoted him. So - tonight I sat down and watched some of his interviews on YouTube. I could barely stand to sit through them. The stuff that comes out of his mouth is vile. I started to send boyfriend messages quoting what Andrew Tate was saying in the interview I was watching...

for example:
"a father who is around for his child is like a second mother...a mother is there to keep a child alive, a father is there to make an impact"

"if you're there all the time you're gonna lose to an degree you're mystery....

"the biggest mistake fathers make is that they let the woman convince them that to be a good father they have to be there all the time....a man used to be at war or down in the coal mines...now he's at home changing nappies like a punk"

"For a female to retain her attractiveness to a man she has to retain a air of mystery..."

"If we accept biology no man is completely a one woman man...the male evolutionary imperative is not to have just one female....now there are dudes out there who will disagree with me but those are dudes that have got low testosterone and they ain't got no money and they ain't nothing...'

'Women are essentially like children"

"Chicks don't pay for anything"

I sent these quotes to my boyfriend, and pointed out to him to that in fact his idol had just insulted him, because my boyfriend firmly believes in being faithful in a relationship and never cheating...and yet Andrew Tate says that my boyfriend thinks that way because he 'has low testosterone and is nothing'.

Boyfriend has now blocked me, after sending the above messages to him.

I feel so upset and confused. I wish I could talk to my girlfriends but tbh they already don't like him very much and if I'm overreacting I don't want to get them all riled up and make it a thing for them to bring up when we get together, but I need a bit of a hand hold so I'm coming here.

Be gentle please. I don't know if IABU or what to do, I just feel upset/angry/confused. Maybe I should be trying to understand his point of view more but I just can't get my head around it.

"Get used to it."...

That's what you're signing up for there. He's told you exactly what the future looks like. Four years is a long time, so I can see why you wouldn't be frivolous in ending this, bit also, it's been long enough for it to be serious. He's literally showing you what the boundaries of a future marriage and parental relationship will be. It'll be on his terms, and you will have to get used to it. Don't let your emotions, and the past four years of connection, blind you to the present. I've had some belting rows with my missis over the years, but that head state where the "big man" tells the woman "this is the deal, get used to it", completely negates the principles of a partnership. I can honestly say, I've never even thought like this, never mind said it. It's a very fundamental change in him, and I don't see how he could have a fair, shared life with anyone, if that's how he sees relationships.

He does have issues with anxiety and the fact he keeps saying that men are more likely to take their own lives/be depressed and not reach out and then saying that AT has 'given him a voice' makes me think that this must be driven by some sort of misguided way to try and fix his issues

My husband and father of my two kids has tried to commit suicide twice, both pre kids but once during our relationship. His father also committed suicide. What absolutely, hands down, saved his life was me, a woman, encouraging him to get help. To talk. He had pretty extensive therapy and was like a new man. 6 years later he's a happy, brilliant father and husband who has fully weaned himself off 15+ years of anti depressants and is vocal about how well therapy worked for him. If your husband feels his mental health is poor and that mens mental health is disregarded as they are forced to talk rather than deal with it in a masculine way.. well all I can say is I inherently disagree. It's just the misogynistic ramblings of a man trying to be extreme in his views to go viral and profit of it. Tell your husband to look into men that have actually gone through this, not fake hungry idiots.

You should listen to The New York Times podcast, “Rabbit Hole”

it’s largely about young men being sucked into shit like this online.

sadly, OP, the stats show that once they’re indoctrinated, they very, very rarely go back to being the “normal” people they were previously.

listen to all the posters and your friends and leave him now. He’s a lost cause.

Andrew Tate aside, you have a disagreement and after 4 YEARS he blocked you? Ditch him on that alone to be honest, he sounds like a pathetic drip. And soon to be an incel.

Andrew rate is a cunt who made money from incel culture.

Look back at his big brother appearance and why he was removed. He advocates violence and rape against women.

Wether Andrew Tate is a character (as he claimed) or not. Men who hate women will be spurred on by his words. He claims the videos of him harming women are role play. Doesn’t matter. He has managed to reach out to a group of men who are looking for an excuse to harm women and given them support.

and I do believe he has harmed women himself.

You boyfriend hasn’t become like this because of Andrew Tate. He watches Andrew Tate because these are his views and is now just a bit bolder about expressing them. He tells you he believes in being faithful, because that’s what he knows you want to hear. Soon enough, he will ‘realise’ he can do what he wants and any decency will go out of the window. But Andrew Tate didn’t cause that, he just made your boyfriend bolder about expressing it.

Your friends don’t like him because he is a Cunt as well. You just couldn’t see it or made excuse for it.

The good news, you have started seeing it. So get rid.

Stop trying to fix him.

It’s not your role in life to fix broken men or wait for them to grow up.

Maybe listen to your friends more as they obviously have the measure of him, (and your mum less) and ditch your boyfriend today.

There are so many widely publicised outlets for men to find help with their mental health these days. In fact there are huge campaigns about how it’s good to talk and men shouldn’t keep things bottled up so really if his life isn’t going the way he wants it to then he should seek help himself. you could point out to him the fact that more women attempt suicide than men and see what he’s got to say about that as it doesn’t fit with his poor men narrative

Your job isn’t to fix him - his real opinions are coming out now and you should chuck him back. Blocking you for any reason after 4 years is enough for me! Either way keep talking to your friends. They see him

I've just read your reply and he sounds like a textbook gaslighter - when you try and discuss he leaves you feeling like you misunderstood what he was saying or he says he didn't actually say what you think he did.
Honestly a person's actions over their words show you who they truely are and I would take advantage of being blocked and get out of the relationship now.

This is how internet radicalisation works. People get lured in when they hear Andew Tate say something "edgy" but semi-reasonable, and when they start following they get exposed to more and more outright misogynist bile. And before you know it they're parroting all the shite your boyfriend has said, and saying "it's just a joke" if anyone objects.

Unhappy and angry young men are such an easy target for this sort of thing and the scale of the problem hasn't been dealt with yet. There are professional deradicalisation programmes for people who go down the religious fundamentalist, white supremacist rabbitholes etc - this is no different, it's a toxic ideology that he's bought into.

You can't fix him or change his mind. He's in too deep for that. Please don't try. But if you stay with him, this relationship is going to become very hard for you very quickly. LTB.

I had a boyfriend like this. This is really, really dangerous stuff he is spouting and, in my experience, there's no coming back from it or reasoning them out of it. My ex went from being a pleasant, reasonable man to displaying seriously abusive and predatory behaviour.

I think it got WORSE when I tried to address it with him- he saw it as 'nagging' behaviour, confirming (in his mind at least) the points the influencers he was into we're making. I wish I'd spent less time trying to make him see sense and got rid of him sooner. He quickly escalated to believing that he had the right to do whatever he wanted to me as I was in a relationship with him, and things got really scary.

I'm afraid he is a misogynist now, even if he wasn't until recently. At best, he's weak enough to blindly follow a repulsive man down an obnoxious path- someone he doesn't even KNOW- at your expense, his actual girlfriend. Please get rid OP.

OP, I have teenagers and even they are disgusted by this man, in the school playground, he is an utter joke. Even kids can see that and take the piss out if him.

How old is this "boyfriend?" No, it is not your job to "wait until he grows up a bit." Nor is it your job to "fix him." How old are you both?

He is an insecure manchild aka deeply unattractive. There are so many normal and reasonable men out there who you could be connecting with in so many ways. I can't believe you even entertain all this pathetic drama about this YouTuber who only appeals to the lowest of the low. He's a five minute wonder. Sounds like he will end up in prison soon anyway.

Well, I guess your bf has proved one thing - AT followers do not have girlfriends. Congrats AT!

Sorry but even my 13 year old and her mates won’t have anything to do with boys that follow him. Take a leaf out of their book!

me and my husband were shitting on tate yesterday, I wouldnt date anyone that took his comments as truth

He might have started digging this hole by thinking it was all just ‘funny,’ but he’s got himself thoroughly entrenched.

You’re not going to reason him out of this, and you’re only considering it at all due to the length of your relationship (sunken costs). If you met him for the first time tomorrow; and he trotted all this out, you’d quickly say “no thanks” and move on.

You need to do that now. Sorry.

Your bf blocked you when you told him something you didn't like?

Do you really think this is a healthy way to communicate or resolve conflict? Forget the beliefs about Tate, you have a bf with the emotional coping skills of a toddler. It's impossible to do life with people like this as they will shut you down/stonewall you the minute you disagree.

As for Tate, well, it shows that you and bf have severely conflicting opinions. People's biases don't always make themselves known until a situation prompts it. Maybe deep down he's always thought what Tate does but it wasn't acceptable to say it out loud. Now that Tate has opened the door, he is his authentic self and feels comfortable expressing these feelings.

I would really want to end things with someone who stonewalled me AND was expressing misogynistic views. You're not married or have kids together. So RUN.

Also you can talk about men's depression and suicide without blaming women. There's probably more men than women in the medical, academic and political fields that influence male mental health anyway....

What is scary is the ease with which he holds women responsible for his problems instead of accepting it's the fault of the institutions supporting mental health. Like people who hold a particular race responsible for all their problems. Not all of them have racist tattooed on their foreheads, most come across as nice, decent people too - but clearly have a lot of inner rage and bitterness. That's your man here.

People who are so easily swayed illustrate weak minds and lack of critical thinking. You cannot reason with them either. They’re so unbelievably committed they’ll have a bizarrely cocky answer for everything that somehow further demonises their focus. In this case, women. As a PP said, when they challenged it their sexist partner said they were ‘nagging’ and used it to ‘prove’ the many apparent issues with women.

It’s frightening that people can follow so blindly.

Yes, it’s really simple.

It's a shame after 4 years to end things like this but it's over Op, nowhere left to go now.
In his mind you proved him right, another woman who doesn't know her place so it's over.
Please don't go and apologise to save the relationship, just call it a day and go and get on with your life. Far better to have lost 4 years than the next 20

Stats show that women attempt suicide more than men but that men are simply more successful at it due to the methods they prefer. So the male suicide stat is a bit misleading.

If you need someone to tell you to be a real man and you listen to that advice then you're never going to be an alpha male, you're just going to be some sad hanger on with anger issues because women don't like you. Because you're not smart and a sad excuse for a man.
OP if you want a boyfriend like this then stick around but better to go out and find a man who doesn't need to be told how to think.

I have never heard of this guy but understands what you mean
I lost touch with a guy who I was friends with for years because he loved Corbyn and Abbott
Just did not think I had anything in common so left it

Yes, it's a shame but you are no longer dating that nice man you thought you were with, because he no longer exists. He's grown up, but not in a good direction. You can not benefit in any way by following him there.

I'd be interested to know whether your friends took against him since he's been spouting this nonsense, or whether they never liked him much, and if so whether they've told you why that is? Friends aren't always right, of course. But it seems in this case they are.

This is at about men not being able to talk about their emotions OP.
That's an excuse.

This is about one man, Andrew Tate, seeking celebrity and money for a game of radicalising incel blokes as weapons in his hatred of women.
Your boyfriend is now an incel and he hates you.

You are a woman. To him and the men like him, you are a living breathing sex doll who is there to bring men "joy" and "spiritual protection." Nothing more, nothing less. There is no interest in your feelings. No recognition of you as a human anymore. Andrew Tate says women are like dogs.

Your boyfriend now thinks you have the intellect of a dog and you are there to give him joy.

That's what he always says whenever I tell him that my friends agree with me that he's the wrong about something he's done. I've stopped talking to my friends about him now because I have to sit through them trying to convince me to leave him

This is revealing. You have low self-esteem and so you try to "reason" people into treating you well.

I was like that when I was in my 20s. It doesn't work - people treat you how they want to treat you. When someone treats you badly, trust me, they know they are treating you badly.

I stayed with some real idiots in my younger days because I was always scared I'd never meet anyone else. But there was always another man, and they were usually better than the one before.

You've given this bloke 4 years. He's continued to mistreat you, and has now blocked you. His only defence against his bad treatment of you is that you "misrepresented" him. Um - nope.

I promise you will meet someone nicer than him if you set him free. I would put money on it. There is always another man. But if you stay with him, I can guarantee you that he will continue to disrespect and mistreat you.

Listen to your friends. Dump this idiot. Live your life.

He's not going to kill himself or fall into a depression. He won't be crying at home in his bedroom. He'll be chasing other women he can secretly despise, and he'll mistreat them until their friends tell her to dump him.

Meanwhile you'll be having fun, feeling lighter than air.