my boyfriend likes Andrew Tate....emotional support please?

[PinkStarAtNight]

so I only really came to know of Andrew Tate a few weeks ago when he got banned from the internet and it was on LBC. The way they described comments that he said reminded me of a guy I had overheard my boyfriend laughing at when he was watching TikTok. I had raised an eyebrow at what I heard and my boyfriend had laughed and said 'he's saying everything tongue in cheek, but to be honest a lot of what he says is true.'

I didn't think too much of it until I heard the show on LBC saying he had been banned for his misogynistic comments and harmful influences on young people and they quoted some of what he said...I went to my boyfriend and asked him if this was the guy he sometimes watches clips of. He said yes, it was. We then had a conversation about him being banned and boyfriend said he didn't think he should have been banned, because its cancel culture and all Andrew Tate did was express his opinions. I said that he was spouting misogynistic comments and it was awful/could have a negative impact on young men/as a society we can't allow those sorts of comments etc so of course he should have been banned.

In the last couple of weeks we have had numerous conversations about it, where we have both been tried to be calm and listen to each other's opinions. His argument is that Andrew Tate is standing up for men everywhere who feel oppressed by society and feel that their mental health issues are not recognised or taken seriously. He quoted how men are more likely to commit suicide and don't feel able to talk about their feelings, and women just want to try and 'fix' them by using methods that help women, like talking...but men don't like talking, it doesn't work for them, the thing that works for them is to 'go into' their masculinity.

Recently boyfriend has started saying things like 'women take advange of men', 'women are like annoying children', 'women want to work less than men' etc etc etc...he never said these things before watching Andrew Tate. He's says that Andrew Tate has 'set men free' and made it so they can finally speak their minds. And the fact that he got cancelled as soon as he did that, shows that society isn't ready to listen to men's problems and we (the women, because apparently women have taken control of society) just want to "shut them down". He gets very angry and emotive about this.

After me trying to talk to him more about the problem with some of the things Andrew Tate says, Boyfriend said that when it came to the misogynistic comments the media have misquoted him. So - tonight I sat down and watched some of his interviews on YouTube. I could barely stand to sit through them. The stuff that comes out of his mouth is vile. I started to send boyfriend messages quoting what Andrew Tate was saying in the interview I was watching...

for example:
"a father who is around for his child is like a second mother...a mother is there to keep a child alive, a father is there to make an impact"

"if you're there all the time you're gonna lose to an degree you're mystery....

"the biggest mistake fathers make is that they let the woman convince them that to be a good father they have to be there all the time....a man used to be at war or down in the coal mines...now he's at home changing nappies like a punk"

"For a female to retain her attractiveness to a man she has to retain a air of mystery..."

"If we accept biology no man is completely a one woman man...the male evolutionary imperative is not to have just one female....now there are dudes out there who will disagree with me but those are dudes that have got low testosterone and they ain't got no money and they ain't nothing...'

'Women are essentially like children"

"Chicks don't pay for anything"

I sent these quotes to my boyfriend, and pointed out to him to that in fact his idol had just insulted him, because my boyfriend firmly believes in being faithful in a relationship and never cheating...and yet Andrew Tate says that my boyfriend thinks that way because he 'has low testosterone and is nothing'.

Boyfriend has now blocked me, after sending the above messages to him.

I feel so upset and confused. I wish I could talk to my girlfriends but tbh they already don't like him very much and if I'm overreacting I don't want to get them all riled up and make it a thing for them to bring up when we get together, but I need a bit of a hand hold so I'm coming here.

Be gentle please. I don't know if IABU or what to do, I just feel upset/angry/confused. Maybe I should be trying to understand his point of view more but I just can't get my head around it.

AT is not helping men seek mental help-hes a misgynistic wanker who thinks its ok to abuse women

noone is stopping men speak out by banning him

For your own safety, leave.

Tell this chump that you don't need to get used to it, and end it. Your mum hasn't really got the memo either has she? Wait for him to grow up?! Leave the pathetic moron.

This lad is thick as a plank and you would be bonkers to stay with him and try to talk sense into him. Leave him to his YouTube, get in touch with your mates and tell them the truth and that you've now seen the light and you should have listened to them before. And get on with your life having learned a lesson about standards and self respect.

And your friends (I presume) care about you and want the best for you x

Sounds like your friends already have the measure of him. You won’t change him, so cut your losses and leave.

sorry if i missed it how old are you both

If someone was, eg, Jewish, they wouldn’t continue a relationship with a man who admired Hitler. If they were Muslim they wouldn’t date a man who admired Tommy Robinson. Any woman who dates a man who admires Tate is basically doing the equivalent of that

Well said. Perfectly in fact.

OP, don't be self destructive and try to fix a man who deep down thinks that you should do as he says and that women who don't do as men tell them are 'bad' because men are inherently entitled to the final say. Because penis.

Life's short. Don't shag or date people who hate you. Men like him hate women, deep down. And blame them for all their issues. He's done this to your face.

Right now it's the fault of 'women' but soon it'll be the fault of 'woman' and that woman will be you.

Get him in the bin.

All the best and positivity op

Leave and don't look back.

Exactly. Why would you even listen to this shit for two minutes without showing him the door?

I feel like I might have misrepresented a bit - it wasn't really a lecture from him - all of that stuff in the quote didn't happen in the same conversation. We've had multiple conversations about it in the last few weeks, all leading to an argument tonight where I put the phone down on him when he said 'he used to it' and I said 'no'. He didn't say all those things at once, in one conversation. It's just a summary of the overall argument we've been having for the last few weeks, finally coming to a head tonight.

He has said on previous occasions that he doesn't necessarily agree with everything AT says about women - but that he thinks AT is funny, what he's said has been taken out of context/was meant as a joke, that men are struggling in society, women have won the feminist movement and have gone too far with it so that they now actually have more power than men and occupy more spaces on social media/have more of a voice/can express their views and feelings more easily than men and men are being oppressed and 'shut down' when they try to speak up - and he thinks AT has been shut down because he has tried to stand up for men and people don't like it.

On the back of that we had a discussion where I listened to all the reasons he thinks that men actually have it harder than women these days and how the patriarchy doesn't actually exist, women don't have a problem with unequal rights anymore, the fight is won and it's now actually men that have it worse - and I took all of that on board and said that if AT really wants to tackle men's problems and deal with their issues then the way to go about it is to have a calm conversation as a society and work out together how to move forward, rather than demonising women. He said he accepted that and said that maybe AT went about it in the wrong way, but he still doesn't think he's a bad person.

Then this evening I saw the MN post about the Period Dignity Officer role being scrapped because of backlash and 'abuse' and I showed it to my boyfriend and said 'do you still think the fight against sexism is won?' He then started defending the people who appointed the man as the period dignity officer and then decided to scrap the role when people said it should have been a woman - he said he couldn't believe that anyone would be that sexist so it must surely be another reason, and the group was most probably run by women (because it's about periods) and women can't be sexist towards other women so there must be more going on. He then said that 'if a man had lost his job, women wouldn't care'. So I challenged that, and we then had a repeat of the argument above, except for some reason it was more charged and more aggressive on both sides and he ended up saying all that stuff about how women didn't talk calmly when they were protesting and women still use aggressive language towards men so why shouldn't men do it back....and then I said I'm just not comfortable with the way he has started to talk about women, and that's when he said 'get used to it'.

It all looks so horrible written down! If he read it though, he would say I'm misrepresenting him. That's what he always says whenever I tell him that my friends agree with me that he's the wrong about something he's done. I've stopped talking to my friends about him now because I have to sit through them trying to convince me to leave him, and then he gets upset when I tell him that they also think he was in the wrong and he tells me I was misrepresenting the whole situation and he didn't get to tell his side. Which I suppose is true...urghhh I feel so alone and confused!!

Thank you for all the replies. I don't really know what to do but typing everything out helps.

Andrews Tate isn't interested in men's mental health at all. He would absolutely look down on any man who showed any sign of 'weakness'

Thank you for all the replies. I don't really know what to do but typing everything out helps.

If you really don’t know what to do then you need to work on your self esteem. You should value yourself more than you do if you think this is a suitable person to be your partner in life. Partners are equal and respect each other. This person isn’t fit to be any woman’s partner.

@BobMortimersPocketMeat I agree absolutely. @BitOutOfPractice

Sorry. @PinkStarAtNight why are you even listening to this misogynistic drivel? He simply isn't fit to be in a relationship with you at all.

On the back of that we had a discussion where I listened to all the reasons he thinks that men actually have it harder than women these days and how the patriarchy doesn't actually exist, women don't have a problem with unequal rights anymore, the fight is won and it's now actually men that have it worse

Well if he's not a misogynist then he's a fucking idiot.

He said he accepted that and said that maybe AT went about it in the wrong way, but he still doesn't think he's a bad person.

AT on rape: "If you put yourself in a position to be raped, you must bare some responsibility.”

A video has emerged of Andrew on Twitter saying that in Eastern European countries it is easier to get off on rape charges. In the video, he says this is “probably 40 per cent of the reason” he moved there.
He says: “I’m not a rapist, but I like the idea of just being able to do what I want. I like being free.”
This is the man your boyfriend "doesn't think is a bad person."

You would be an absolute lunatic to keep speaking to, let alone dating, this rape apologist. That's what your boyfriend is.

Jesus wept. There are good men out there OP. And being single is preferable to being with one who admires someone like AT and terrifyingly thinks AT isn't a bad person.

He sounds...depressing and self interested. I don't think its feasible in the long run for a woman who has choices in life to stay in a relationship with such a man.

I think the whole "problem" for men like this is that they were brought up with a sense of entitlement more suited to a time when men didn't have to compete against women for jobs. They could literally walk into a reasonably well paid job for life that their father or uncle could get them into. Now they have to compete against 50% more people. So life is difficult for the under-performers. Their fathers and grandfathers brought them up to think life would be easy because they're men, and that hasn't happened. Therefore, it must be the fault of women.

Men who think this way interpret any signs of reducing discrimination as overwhelming evidence that discrimination against women has gone and in facts its now the other way round.

Thats a pretty well defined life view and unlikely to change without some kind of epiphany on their part. Andrew Tate seems to be good at damaging relationships!

Men who think this way interpret any signs of reducing discrimination as overwhelming evidence that discrimination against women has gone and in facts its now the other way round.

Yep.

When you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.

And what's scary is, we are nowhere close to true 'equality' in terms of how we are valued, protected and rewarded within society as a sex class.

But the progress that has been made so far already feels like oppression and 'unfair' to some men.

I’m really on a different side of the fence to everyone…… and that guy is really crazy.

He’s blocked you. Block him and move on.

When you're accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.

I think this absolutely nails it!

I'm afraid your boyfriend is heading down a dark rabbit hole, OP. It's only going to get worse from here, he's clearly going to start blaming women for everything that's wrong in his life, and since you are a woman, that will include you! As someone else said, you need a taxi!

Sorry but from your post you come across as articulate and intelligent, WTF are you given doing with such an asshole.

Your friend dislike him for a reason - they know you can do way better.

OP, he is waving a massive red flag in front of you. There is no ‘I don’t know what to do?’. You break up with him….now. Don’t try to fix him. You have been massively patient but he is showing you no respect.

AT is a twat. I despair at the thought of young boys being influenced by him.

There is nothing that could make me stay with someone who liked and agreed with that misogynistic A-hole. Like someone said up thread, people who excuse AT hate women. There is no way to say that gently. They hate women and feel threatened by women standing up for their rights.