my boyfriend likes Andrew Tate....emotional support please?

[PinkStarAtNight]

so I only really came to know of Andrew Tate a few weeks ago when he got banned from the internet and it was on LBC. The way they described comments that he said reminded me of a guy I had overheard my boyfriend laughing at when he was watching TikTok. I had raised an eyebrow at what I heard and my boyfriend had laughed and said 'he's saying everything tongue in cheek, but to be honest a lot of what he says is true.'

I didn't think too much of it until I heard the show on LBC saying he had been banned for his misogynistic comments and harmful influences on young people and they quoted some of what he said...I went to my boyfriend and asked him if this was the guy he sometimes watches clips of. He said yes, it was. We then had a conversation about him being banned and boyfriend said he didn't think he should have been banned, because its cancel culture and all Andrew Tate did was express his opinions. I said that he was spouting misogynistic comments and it was awful/could have a negative impact on young men/as a society we can't allow those sorts of comments etc so of course he should have been banned.

In the last couple of weeks we have had numerous conversations about it, where we have both been tried to be calm and listen to each other's opinions. His argument is that Andrew Tate is standing up for men everywhere who feel oppressed by society and feel that their mental health issues are not recognised or taken seriously. He quoted how men are more likely to commit suicide and don't feel able to talk about their feelings, and women just want to try and 'fix' them by using methods that help women, like talking...but men don't like talking, it doesn't work for them, the thing that works for them is to 'go into' their masculinity.

Recently boyfriend has started saying things like 'women take advange of men', 'women are like annoying children', 'women want to work less than men' etc etc etc...he never said these things before watching Andrew Tate. He's says that Andrew Tate has 'set men free' and made it so they can finally speak their minds. And the fact that he got cancelled as soon as he did that, shows that society isn't ready to listen to men's problems and we (the women, because apparently women have taken control of society) just want to "shut them down". He gets very angry and emotive about this.

After me trying to talk to him more about the problem with some of the things Andrew Tate says, Boyfriend said that when it came to the misogynistic comments the media have misquoted him. So - tonight I sat down and watched some of his interviews on YouTube. I could barely stand to sit through them. The stuff that comes out of his mouth is vile. I started to send boyfriend messages quoting what Andrew Tate was saying in the interview I was watching...

for example:
"a father who is around for his child is like a second mother...a mother is there to keep a child alive, a father is there to make an impact"

"if you're there all the time you're gonna lose to an degree you're mystery....

"the biggest mistake fathers make is that they let the woman convince them that to be a good father they have to be there all the time....a man used to be at war or down in the coal mines...now he's at home changing nappies like a punk"

"For a female to retain her attractiveness to a man she has to retain a air of mystery..."

"If we accept biology no man is completely a one woman man...the male evolutionary imperative is not to have just one female....now there are dudes out there who will disagree with me but those are dudes that have got low testosterone and they ain't got no money and they ain't nothing...'

'Women are essentially like children"

"Chicks don't pay for anything"

I sent these quotes to my boyfriend, and pointed out to him to that in fact his idol had just insulted him, because my boyfriend firmly believes in being faithful in a relationship and never cheating...and yet Andrew Tate says that my boyfriend thinks that way because he 'has low testosterone and is nothing'.

Boyfriend has now blocked me, after sending the above messages to him.

I feel so upset and confused. I wish I could talk to my girlfriends but tbh they already don't like him very much and if I'm overreacting I don't want to get them all riled up and make it a thing for them to bring up when we get together, but I need a bit of a hand hold so I'm coming here.

Be gentle please. I don't know if IABU or what to do, I just feel upset/angry/confused. Maybe I should be trying to understand his point of view more but I just can't get my head around it.

It's not about feminism! This is just basic human decency. AT is an individual who has done nothing in this world except go on social media and shout and rave that women only exist to serve men. He claims that men cannot be monogamous and women should just shut up, have babies; never speak to anyone apart from their husband and male relatives and be happy to referred to as a 'bitch.' You don't need to be a feminist to find that distasteful. Basically, AT is expounding the views if the Taliban - I see little difference. Nothing new from him in this sense. I suppose they're all lovely too, just a little outspoken and misunderstood? Never mind their ideology means women are being raped, killed and held prisoner in their own homes with no recourse and no access to education. No, never mind that.

i know Andrew tate is bad but what about joe rogan is he similar in his views etc as I know my partner listens to him a lot

I saw one of his videos where he was actually saying that women who talk to other men should be stoned to death. Ha bloody ha. How dare he joke about such things (if indeed he is joking) when this is happening to women in other parts of the world right now today. He should be ashamed and so should the imbeciles who laugh along with him. He appeals to the lowest common denominator in men, so at least we can identify who they are.

@DexterMigraine

Just because your boyfriend watched a few videos and began saying some anti-feminist things doesn't make him a bad guy.

Saying anti-feminist things = saying things that are anti women = not attractive to some of us on account of us being women, funnily enough.

Nope, it isn't possible for someone to oppose equal rights and to be a safe member of society.

There is nothing the boyfriend said (based on the info provided by the OP) that indicates he opposes equal rights.

@DexterMigraine

There is nothing the boyfriend said (based on the info provided by the OP) that indicates he opposes equal rights.

Did you not read the first post?

Recently boyfriend has started saying things like 'women take advange of men', 'women are like annoying children', 'women want to work less than men' etc etc etc..

You think a man who says "women are like annoying children" sees women as his equals? Sure...

Do you think women take advantage of men / are like annoying children / want to work less than men?

@DexterMigraine

I then say that AT was only shut down because of the misogynistic things he says and the way to talk about men's problems is by calmly and respectfully putting your opinion across and having a civilised conversation. He then says 'women don't do that. Women have attacked men, women now have more power than men, women get to talk about their problems as much as they want and call men 'dicks' and 'bastards' and they get away with it, so now men are fighting back. Get used to it.'

Women have "more power" than men, he says, and now men are fighting back. So he thinks women have too much "power". He wants women to have less power than they do now. And you don't think that sounds like a man who wants women to have less rights than they do now?

What examples of "more power than men" do you think women have? Or do you agree with the objective reality that OP's (ex) boyfriend is entirely wrong (and bizarre) to say women have "more power" than men?

If he were to say "Women shouldn't work in high paying jobs", or "Women shouldn't be allowed to drive", or "Women shouldn't play sports"... then that would be opposing equal rights.

Do you think women take advantage of men / are like annoying children / want to work less than men?

-Some women do take advantage of men
-Some women are annoying
-Some women work less than men

None of these statements are anything related to opposing equal rights for women.

"I wish I could talk to my girlfriends but tbh they already don't like him very much"

There's your first red flag.

Does he treat her respectfully?

No, because he blocks her instead of communicating like an adult. Stonewalling is considered a form of emotional abuse in relationships.

I agree.

In terms of AT - None of us would like to be judged by strangers based on short out of context content. Yet we are happy to do it to others. Pretty sure if everything you have ever said had been filmed I could edit a compilation to make you look like the devil.

There's a reason why Andrew's Tate is also very popular with muslims, many of his ideas about women are the same as Islam. Now I can guarantee you 2 things

1. most of the women here cursing AT would never dare do the same about muslim men who believe in the same things but get that inspiration from their religion rather than AT.
2. most of the women here cursing AT would never criticise Stormzy and other gangster drill rappers who glorify violence and objectify women

This is a left wing political witch against AT, it has nothing to do with morals and everything to do with hypocrisy. If you are left wing and your boyfriend is right wing then it won't work and you should split. Next time choose a boyfriend based on political views

Jordan Peterson is very different from Andrew tate. You may not need to hear this op as obviously you’ve done a good job explaining to your now ex what you’re not ok with, but you get to decide what you will do. You get to decide that based on what works for you. You don’t have to go out with friends and him if uncomfortable, there is nothing wrong with bowing out from Saturdays plan, and hanging out with other friends, who are all probably really happy you aren’t together as let’s face it, at the best interpretation this is not a guy who’s really interested in understanding why you feel this way. He’s not angsting over whether it’s misogynistic of him to listen to Andrew tate the way you are over whether you’re a bad person for not wanting your bf to listen to someone… and for next time, if you’re putting in all the effort and thinking and trying to understand them and not getting it back, then it’s not working for you.

What?

How often has that happened? In recent years?

Men can often ruin a woman’s whole life with words. Ruin their career, simply by spreading a rumour. How is that any different?

Do you not believe there is a long history a men destroying womens lives because they would sleep with them. Or even if they have slept with them? Or just because they simply don’t like them?

How many rape cases actually get a conviction? How many women are killed by men each year? Or raped and strangled after having their face smashed in, just like Andrew Tate encourages men to do to put women in their place?

Do lots of men feel uncomfortable walking down the street alone at night incase a womens words hurt them?

Your posts are exactly why women should stay away from men who think Andrew Tate makes good points.

I’ve just had to deal with AT worship with my DS17 (I haven’t met a 16-20 year old who is not right now!)

its tricky, AT is really really igniting something in men.

My tactic wasn’t to dismiss it all as misogynistic bullshit, we talked about it in depth. Too long to write but we landed on that yes, he makes some good points and is pretty funny, but I think DS can actually be a better man than AT and to take the good bits by all means, but the ‘women stuff’, there’s definitely a better way, and if he looks at other men he admires, do they talk about women like that? Would he like me to be treated like that? Would he want a daughter of his to be treated like that?

He does now seem to be more questioning of Tate, but also there’s still some excitement attached to him. It’s surprised me how much AT has captured DS. And so quickly. I’m sure many on here will have sons / partners who may also be being AT’ed. it’s tricky - the more you just dismiss as a misogynist, the more they double down.

OP’s partner has blocked for example, after seemingly a normal relationship

Anyway, good luck OP

@DexterMigraine

People who think like you contribute to the danger women face in society.

I can only assume you're either easily led by people like AT or an MRA in an echo chamber on a subreddit somewhere.

How did you come across this thread on a predominantly female discussion forum I wonder?

evil flourishes when good (wo)men do nothing….

Honestly so over it. Misogyny so boring
and pathetic - really disappointed in this generation thought they were meant to be better!

also known as "He doesn't hit you dear, count yourself lucky and get back in there and put up with it"

@DexterMigraine you are part of the problem.

most of the women here cursing AT would never dare do the same about muslim men who believe in the same things but get that inspiration from their religion rather than AT.

most of the women here cursing AT would never criticise Stormzy and other gangster drill rappers who glorify violence and objectify women

I can’t, and wouldn’t try to, speak for the women on this particular post. As a father of daughters and, (at least striving daily to be), a halfway decent human being I would, and do, criticise the misogyny in rap. I’m confident there’ll have been many posts on MN discussing it too.

I’ve seen MN threads where the misogynistic elements of Islam have been discussed and criticised. When Oldham and Rotherham hit the news, for example.

Speaking for myself, I dislike religion in general but particularly loathe the deeply entrenched patriarchal elements of all three Abrahamic offshoots. Orthodox Judaism, Islam and Christianity root themselves on texts and practices written by men for the benefit of men. You don’t need ovaries to recognise that, just a working brain.

You’re right to recognise that AT’s bullshit is nothing new. It’s the same garbage message that gets pushed onto adolescent boys from almost every direction.

most of the women here cursing AT would never criticise Stormzy and other gangster drill rappers who glorify violence and objectify women

Eh?! I've seen this happen many times on here. After every Brit awards for example there are threads on the rappers who performed and loads and loads of people criticise their lyrics.

jtfo

That's nice, dear...