To ask you to give me the best parts of single life?

[newsinglelife]

I am leaving a very unhappy and toxic relationship in the next few months. Having made this decision finally today after months of unhappiness, arguments, and emotional abuse I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I am going to find things right financially but I'm going to make it work, for my 2 girls. I will be a newly single mum to them both.

Please tell me a) this is going to be OK as I'm having a little wobble, and b) what are the highlights of single life? 🙂

You’ll be away from the toxicity and can have time to do fun things with you girls without worrying constantly

You can do as you please and relax when you need to

Money isn’t everything and your improved mental health will have a knock on effect on your girls

Youve done the toughest part, be proud of yourself and allow others to help you help yourself

You’re bloody amazing 🤩

@arethereanyleftatall we're also very down with the patriarchy - mine are 19 and 21. Losing the relentless negativity is so liberating that there are no words!

Apart from what everyone has already said, decorating my place has been amazing!
I have never had the freedom to put whatever I wanted up without negotiation.

I have an octopus tentacle sticker over the bath that make me sooo happy!

@newsinglelife Every time it feels difficult blast this through your headphones and have a little dance 💃🏻 and look forward to your freedom!

Yes dd has thrived .

She's also always commenting on how much closer we seem to be than the married parents of her friends

When we split she cried and it took some time for her to accept it, and I was worried, but I do think it's been entirely positive for her to be brought up by a single parent t

@MargotMoon
brilliant tune ❤️

I've loved reading all the updates this evening 😊

Really good to hear that so many of your daughters have thrived without a moody man in the house. My eldest DD actually said to me the other day "mum it's so miserable in this house, I don't know how you can stand it". ☹️

It was the comment that made me realise I have to get out of this, asap!! When it's just me and my girls it's SO lovely. That's how I want it all the time. 💖

@MargotMoon that song made me smile! 🥳

I hope things get easier for you @AreSomeGoldfishJustDicks . Sorry to hear you're struggling. I didn't eat for a few days this week, or sleep properly. Its hard isn't it.. despite knowing that they are no good for us we have these wobbles and think how can I do this alone?! But we can 💖

Things I enjoy about be single (after leaving dh 7 years ago)…

• Not having to check with anyone before going out or arranging an activity.
• having the sofa and bed to myself
• being able to buy thing with out discussing it with someone else
• being able to cook what I want
• being able to leave the washing up for the morning (ex hated this)
• My dc being more relaxed.
• watching what I want on tv, or being glued to my iPad without being moaned at.
• Having friends.
• Having sex with other people 🤪
• No confrontation, no moaning, no being pestered for sex.

The first year wasn’t easy, I had never been on my own, I married young so had never really lived alone. Now I don’t think I could ever live with anyone again, I enjoy being single, my life is so much less stressful.

Missed the update. I’m glad your ok OP, it’s a huge change but in the long run it’s a good change.

Thank you, it is so hard.
We have been talking tonight like we always do, laughing and joking and then he asks me about any house viewings I've had an my heart sinks again.
I don't want to leave this bubble because it's comfortable and for all his faults I do love him.
The decision is not mine anymore though.
I know it's right in my head I just hope my heart catches up soon because I'm exhausted feeling this way.

I am so glad you're feeling optimistic about the future. These replies are really helping!

Sorry for complaining on your thread also

Thank you my bingo friends tonight said they’ll be with him and behind me and give help as well.

Sorry mean with me not him.

Yes to all of the above. The freedom and peace is fucking awesome.

Oh and one more thing. No more fucking football.

DEEP SLEEP. I sleep so well on my own.

Coughing and reading at night without disturbing anyone.

Freedom and spontaneity. Especially now ds is a teenager. If I want to go out 5 nights in a row, I bloody well will. If I want to change the house or throw something away I can do it. No months of negotiation.

Not having the telly on. Increasingly I barely use the thing. I could. But I don't.

Stopping having meals. Ds is leaving home in 3 weeks and I'm not going to cook for a year, I'm going to live on tins of chickpeas and yogurt.

Having kinky hotel sex with strangers just because I can [maybe a bit niche sorry]

When you cut out the assholes, your mental health significantly improves. Life is finite, and to be enjoyed.

You are providing an excellent example to your girls of self-respect and not staying with someone who treats you badly.

By getting your daughters involved with household planning as they get holder you are preparing them to be brilliantly independent when they move out.

You are clearing the way for someone else who treats you well to come into your life when the time is right.

I'm having a huge wobble this morning. 😥

I'm swinging between I can't wait to get away from him and how the hell will I do it all on my own .... It's so hard.

I hope I've copied this link correctly! I found it quite therapeutic to comment on the good side of life now. Yes, I get lonely at times, I've spent 17 years of my life with a partner but that's the time I reach out to family and friends, even just for a cuppa and a chat. The best bit for me is being able to find myself. As cringe as that sounds. People have commented on the change in me and especially DS. How I seem more care free, stronger and that, when I smile, it's a real smile now and not a mask.
www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4623140-life-after-a-toxic-relationship?reply=119778159

You will be fine. Don't over think things. I had a moment thinking about all I had to deal with as a single parent and panicked. Just go day by day. My over riding desire was for the children to have a safe happy home free from shouting and walking on egg shells. Our home is now a happy place and whatever else happens it can be dealt with.

I second this, and every positive thing on this thread. You’ll never want to live with a man again, trust me.

And totally agree with the final comment made by @PermanentTemporary upthread. Oh yes! So much excitement ahead for you!

Oh and one more thing. No more fucking football

AMEN, SISTER!!!

Nor team kit left in the boot for a week....😫

Also agree with the final comment by @PermanentTemporary

I thought I never wanted sex again. Turns out I never wanted sex 'with my exhusband' again.

There's a whole world out there for you op, when you're ready. You'll get there. And, in one years time, you'll be posting your own anecdote on a thread like this.

From someone whose husband recently walked out out of the blue leaving me with 1 year old twins and an older child also working full time you are capable of so much more than you can ever imagine and stronger than you'll ever think you are