To ask you to give me the best parts of single life?

[newsinglelife]

I am leaving a very unhappy and toxic relationship in the next few months. Having made this decision finally today after months of unhappiness, arguments, and emotional abuse I feel as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

I am going to find things right financially but I'm going to make it work, for my 2 girls. I will be a newly single mum to them both.

Please tell me a) this is going to be OK as I'm having a little wobble, and b) what are the highlights of single life? 🙂

I'm so looking forward to making this a reality.
We are both in the house together today and the atmosphere is awful, absolutely awful. I almost can't stand to be in a room with him. It's cemented that I've made the right decision to leave.

THIS! A Sibling has been visiting from overseas this summer, staying with me as a base. Love em to bits and we get on really well, one of the few people I have lived with and find very easy BUT, having said that, they have now returned to their home and I can relax once again.... not having to think about anything or anyone else is really blissful.

Everything will be in its correct place, the food in the fridge will be all food I want to eat, I can watch trashy TV, or good TV, without having to explain what I'm watching. I can go through the Sky box and delete all of the weird things that sibling recorded. No conversations or negotiations about food, showers, using the washing machine.... and this is someone I find EASY 🤣.

I could never be in a LTR again, not if it involved sharing a house.

Can we have some more reasons this is keeping me going right now.

And me! Though my relationship wasn’t toxic until the affair and what came with it, it’s still over - these are giving me hope!

I've been single for 14 years, since DC was a baby. I like it this way. All the decisions are my own, I can do what I want when I want, don't have to do the obligatory visits to see someone else's family. No arguments over housework.

My relationship is breaking down as we speak. Even though he is so controlling and hard to live with, I love him. I am struggling to function.
I need to start again at 34 with my daughters.
I haven't eaten for 6 days I feel constantly sick. I hope soon I will realise this is the best thing.

Oh, so many things! Not having to tiptoe around and pander to the ego of a volatile manchild. All the things he did around the house that I had to thank him and praise him for doing - I just do them myself with no drama. No more emotional abuse - I don't have to make myself small anymore, in case he takes issue with something I say or do. It's been a few years but I'm starting to settle into being me again. Time for hobbies and books and walks and going places. Spend my money how I want. Oh, being free of him is absolutely priceless!

Thinking about it, if I had my time over again, I don't think I'd bother with men. I'd be so much better off financially, emotionally, physically, mentally!

I genuinely can’t think of any positives to living with a man…..I really can’t.
Being on your own and having your house to yourself really is superior on every level!!

No weird man smell. Clean toilet seat. Bed sheets stay fresh so much longer. No extra laundry to do. Cook/eat whatever you like, when you like. Watch whatever you want. Go to bed when you want. No expectations of sex. Not having to listen to them talk…….I could go on lol.

IME experience holidays and Christmas are so much more relaxed and enjoyable. You can focus on what you and the kids want to do without having to worry about a reluctant partner bringing the mood down.

Also so great not to have to spend precious free time visiting in-laws!

Also when you have a good day you can go home and bask in that good day without a miserable fucker bringing you down. Your moods are entirely in your own control.

Same here apart from having dd. I have never had a good relationship. I do see some good marriages but I see far more that I wouldn't want .

You will be fine! You have your girls!

you will be free from whatever made you split. Yes things might be tough financially but not as tough as the mental torment & loneliness of a bad relationship.

having never been single until now (was dreading it) hand on heart, I am absolutely happy. I make my own decisions, it’s calmer, I am much happier, I have my DD & dog, I see my friends, we have a lovely (but tiny!) home. I’m always busy.

To me, nothing else matters than being happy, healthy with my DD & having a job & a roof over our heads. Best of luck to you!

I’ll second feeling relaxed at home. That’s the best thing. Not worrying what mood someone else will be in.

Being totally in control of your own choices/ environment. You can choose when to go to bed (once kids are in bed of course), how to plan your weekends, when to have meals etc

Its really lovely ! yes there is the stress of everything being down to you - finances especially- but again that’s all in your control as much as it can be.

I'm 4 and a half years single (mine died before the divorce could be completed) and honestly no regrets at all. For me the main thing has been the bond with my DDs - living as a unit of 3 without his shadow hanging over us all the time. But absolutely yes to being able to eat, watch, do what I want. No more having to tiptoe around his mood. And best of all: being able to have cats.

@pointythings relate to the cats bit…

I remember 10years into the relationship with my ex, he text me 1 day while I was at work(after moaning about it for years) & said ‘we need to rehome Martha (cat) she’s scratched the carpet, I’m not changing my mind, DD will get over it’

Bearing in mind the house was solely mine & the cat was here first!

Errrrmmm Big fat no!

another time, he bashed our DD’s head as he was putting her in the car (that I provided for us) & proceeded to shout in the car park & blame me because ‘the car was too small’

life is so much happier & relaxed for us now, I LOVE it!

We’re onto separate meals now so I’ve got loads of ready meals lined up nice ones with veg etc. fish pie pasta things. I can’t cook now from scratch before I get slated arthritic. He can live on chips or salads I’ll do him the odd omelette if I want omelette. I can’t wait now to move. But need serious money behind me, to kit out new home or if private the deposit etc.

@pointythings
the cats is for sure the best thing 😻

@Always4Brenner
good luck 💐

@StarDolphins
I’m glad you said no we rehome YOU

@newsinglelife
what are your plans for tonight OP ?
mines a shower, pyjamas, half a deep pan loaded cheese pizza, Rioja, and a catch up of SWAT though twocat doesn’t approve of the explosions and gunfights but at least he doesn’t sulk about it 😻

Oh op, it's marvellous. Just lovely. Freedom. Complete and utter freedom. It only took me two weeks after a twenty year marriage to be skipping down the street.
Dishes in the sink? I. Don't. Care. I'll do them when I feel like it.
Want to fart in bed? Go for it.

What goes from your life is the negativity. I go out with my married friends and every time one of them will have a complaint about their husband. Different things. You'll have none of that. None. It's bliss.

Enjoy x

@arethereanyleftatall
i forgot about freedom farts 😭

My dds and I dance now when we pass each other in the hall. And, the irony is, people think divorce 'destroys children'. Couldn't be more wrong. For me, anyway.

I've just realised too, your situation is the same as mine: me and two girls. Anyway; we might be a little bit too much 'down with the patriarchy' in my house, but meh, we talk. All the time. No tip toeing round a male ego. At 11 and 14, they have so many more opinions and 'I can do this' attitude, than they would possibly have had. Their plans for the future don't revolve around getting married, they might get married, but it's not remotely their focus. I think that's a massive positive that comes from divorce.