To really not find this 'joke' funny?

[BlahblahSheep]

Quick background, my husband has older children and we have one child together. I was extremely clear when I met him that I wanted children so if he didn't want anymore we should leave it there. He assured me he did want more.

Anyway, basically now whenever he asks me to do something for him like make a brew or whatever it is, he'll say something like 'C'mon, I had a child for you, I already had two'. Basically he did me a favour so now I can do one for him.

He laughs and says he's joking but he's said it multiple times and it's really starting to fuck me off. He is joking in the sense that the things he's asking for a trivial little things and he isn't actually bothered if I don't make him a cup of tea or whatever but still.

I said to him last night when he did it again that I don't find it funny, he's basically saying he didn't want our child which I find hurtful not just toward me but toward our DC as well.

He's a good dad and I know he adores our child but I just don't find this funny at all and actually pretty fucking horrible.

He thinks I'm overreacting and it's a joke. I think he must be saying the truth but playing it off as a joke.

Yes but most people don't sit alone in a room cracking jokes to themselves and laughing at them. If you're making a joke you're usually making it to somebody.

In this case hes making it to OP who has made it clear she doesn't find it funny, so subjectivity is irrelevant.

It could be the most hilarious joke in the world but if it upset someone you love and they have told you so more than once, why the hell would you keep saying it to them‽

YANBU. It would come across to me that actually he didn’t want to have any more children but he did you a massive favour agreeing and is now in a PA way trying to let you know what a big deal it was for him to agree. He can’t let you know in a serious conversation as I would imagine that would break the relationship so he turns it into a joke.
Completely forgetting you gave him a way out.

It would really piss me off too and I would be turning round telling him to make his own tea or whatever he wants at that moment.
I would be reminding him that you gave him a choice. He didn’t have to have another child.
He made his choice. He wasn’t doing you any favours so he needs to change his mindset that thinks he was. You would have moved on to someone who was more in line with your ideals and still might if he doesn’t stop with the unfunny PA “jokes”

Oh aren't you all hard & interesting, Edgelord.

As an adult if you say something you feel is a joke once and it doesn't land right, you don't say it again. The point of a joke is that you're making someone laugh and creating a connection. This is doing the opposite, and either he's numb enough not to hear you when you explain that you find it unfunny and why, or he's doing it on purpose to have a dig, "I was only joking, stop being so sensitive". Bull.

Repeating an unfunny joke is the territory of seven year olds.

But it allows him to verbalise something which he knows needles his wife, with plausible deniability. It's immature & insensitive.

Yes.
And the existence of the 'oh it's just a joke, you're too sensitive brigade' mentality just enables this sort of bad behaviour.

I wouldn’t consider constant ‘jokey’ suggestions that

1. you are permanently indebted to him
2. he considers your child a burden he’d rather be without

particularly funny either.

Ignore the mumsnet Cool Girls saying there’s no issue and you just need to loosen up.

Your child will understand. 2 year olds understand more than you think. They might not be able to verbalise it but it will be there as a feeling even if the action or words are forgotten.

I suspect if you said he'd failed the first time at marriage and parenting so it's a good job he got a second chance he'd be fairly upset. If you kept repeating it every time as a "joke" I doubt he'd find it funny.

😂 Yes, might be worth a test

Or next time he asks you something you could joke "C'mon, I took on two children for you". No don't say that - but you could ask him how he would feel if you did.

I wonder how he would feel if she did...

Surely you know this man well enough to put a stop to this once and for all OP.

Think long and hard, then go in hard, because he's not bothered at the moment and he needs to be for all your sakes. You're being too nice.

Not quite the point I know, but it's worth remembering that while men and women both value "sense of humour" in a partner, in women this means a man who makes them laugh, whereas in men this means a woman who laughs at their jokes.

It's called tongue in cheek.

The humour lies in the obvious exaggeration and outlandish-ness which is said with a straight face.

For 2 years, constantly, despite being asked to stop @KhaleesiDothraki ?
That's not tongue n cheek.
It's foot in mouth.
The H needs to stop doing it before he makes his wife fall out of love with him.

First time, said as a joke, might have been funny, if you know the child is actually very wanted and loved.

Saying it all the time, when you’ve said you find it hurtful, not funny. As long as I was sure he did love and want the child, I wouldn’t personally find it hurtful, but I would find it boring and I’d be 🙄 after hearing it all the time.

Oh I think it's very much part of the point @ReneBumsWombats

OP is failing in her 'duty' to present a smiling, appreciative face every time her H wounds her with this shit. So he doubles down & DARVO's her.

I wonder how snide & pass-agg he is on other areas of life.
How much he does the this DC, for his own DC, & around the home.
Because his mindset seems to be that having contributed some sperm (despite being given an out if he really didn't want DC3), OP now owes him undying fealty.

And some people find racism funny and other dont.

Stating something is not funny doesnt make you 'unfun at parties', standing up to a comment about yourself and your child that you find detrimental is standing up to a bully not being a wet blanket, same way its fine to call out the afformentioned people who find racism funny.

The fact the 'joke' is at OPs expensive means SHE is the one that gets to decide if its funny or offensive and she finds it offensive so not a 'joke' and no one else gets to override her.

You are not being at all unreasonable.

I wouldn't find that remotely funny. Infuriating and offensive would be a better description.

Your husband is behaving like an arse.

It's also called being a crashing boor and not reading the room.

'C'mon, I had a child for you, I already had two'. Basically he did me a favour so now I can do one for him

The joke doesn't work his way round, as presumably DH was not a miracle of science and did not carry or give birth to the children referred to.

its actually called bullying.

I dont think its a joke, its like hes saying he had a child because you wanted one, not him, and now hes saying he doesnt want anymore even though you do.. if you want more kids you need to tell him that
Its like hes disregarding your desire to have your own family because hes already done kids things with his ex ..

That's not tongue n cheek.
It's foot in mouth.

Touché!! Beautifully put @KettrickenSmiled