To really not find this 'joke' funny?

[BlahblahSheep]

Quick background, my husband has older children and we have one child together. I was extremely clear when I met him that I wanted children so if he didn't want anymore we should leave it there. He assured me he did want more.

Anyway, basically now whenever he asks me to do something for him like make a brew or whatever it is, he'll say something like 'C'mon, I had a child for you, I already had two'. Basically he did me a favour so now I can do one for him.

He laughs and says he's joking but he's said it multiple times and it's really starting to fuck me off. He is joking in the sense that the things he's asking for a trivial little things and he isn't actually bothered if I don't make him a cup of tea or whatever but still.

I said to him last night when he did it again that I don't find it funny, he's basically saying he didn't want our child which I find hurtful not just toward me but toward our DC as well.

He's a good dad and I know he adores our child but I just don't find this funny at all and actually pretty fucking horrible.

He thinks I'm overreacting and it's a joke. I think he must be saying the truth but playing it off as a joke.

He should stop because you're the audience and you aren't laughing.

Although when I want my husband to do something, I do sometimes say, "About the heirs I gave you..."

It's both. Jokes can be cruel.

You Ok?

You seem a bit overly-sensitive.

Aren’t I hilarious….

No, I didn’t think so either.

But maybe if I bang on for another 2 years, it might get funnier… 🤔

A joke is only funny if the audience is laughing. He has an audience of one and his joke is upsetting you.

If the fact I was upset didn't make my DH stop telling a joke, I'd be pretty fucked off.

Being cruel to your spouse is a bad sign.

Not funny at all. This is his child he is talking about after all.

I agree with this.

If he keeps doing it now you’ve told him you don’t like it, he’s a dick and you should give him both barrels. But don’t overreact to his silliness - that’s all it is, in the absence of any other worrying behaviour.

I wouldn't find it funny given the circumstances, no. He must be aware as well, so the fact he is purposefully doing it is sad.

It's insensitive. He knows it's a sore topic for you. He shoudn't joke about it.

This is the point you should make to him.

If someone knows that something hurts you they shouldn't keep saying it, even if, objectively, some people find it funny. If you are very short/tall/fat/thin whatever, and particularly sensitive about it, it would be very unkind and not very loving for your dp to make cracks about it. I would tell him to fuck off and make his own fucking tea op.

Not unreasonable. It upsets you and you've told him. Therefore the repetition of the joke makes him a twat.

One final short sharp, reminder and then I'd be causing an argument EVERY time he says it.

Yes, of course it is.

If you make a joke and it doesn’t land and the other person doesn’t find it funny you’re just a bit of a dick to keep saying it.

This!

I'd be tempted to respond to this with "luckily she's not yours" every time he says it!

Op you know youre not wrong or overly sensitive 😊

Agree with others saying give him a final warning, no need to be arsey just a "I've told you before I don't find it funny and I've told you why, don't say it again or we'll have a major fall out"

Prick 😡

It doesn't matter what he means, it's still an offensive thing to say. The only way is to shut him down every time: Stop in your tracks, turn and look at him with a stony face. "That's not funny and I want it to stop". Wait three seconds for an apology. If you get none then carry on with your day. If you get bluster instead about how it's just a joke then repeat "It's not funny and I want it to stop" and then carry on with your day.

If he keeps at it then tell him it is insulting to you and your child and you don't ever want your child to hear him say it, because children do pick up on "jokes" like that and whether he means it or not his child will hear that he isn't loved.

If i said a joke that was meant to be light hearted but he found upsetting it would be no bother for me to not repeat it. The point of a joke with a partner is fun, if i caused upset then there would be no reason to repeat it.

No "joke" which the recipient finds hurtful, & the jokers knows upsets the recipient, is funny.

When the recipient has informed the joker that it's hurtful, & the joker insists on repeating it ad infinitum, how on earth is the recipient over-reacting?

Just because YOU can brush it off, doesn't mean it's not hurtful to OP.
And what do we call people who insist on hurting others, despite being told it hurts & asked not to keep doing it, @nutellachurro?

Well done if you've worked it out now - that's right, bullies.
And if it continues ... possibly abusers.

Whether it's funny or not is a red herring.

OP has asked him to stop doing it.
He is persisting in doing it.
THAT is way more worrying than whose sense of humour aligns with DH's.

I suspect HE doesn't find it very funny either. But it allows him to verbalise something which he knows needles his wife, with plausible deniability. It's immature & insensitive.

But @nutellachurro in your scenario, would you KEEP making the 'joke'?
Or would you respect the other person enough to realise it landed badly, & stop?

I would stop doing any favours for him whatsoever until he stops making 'jokes' like that.

Yes I have told him before. I've also told him before it sounds like he's saying he didn't want our child. He still does it.

I told him again last night and he made out I was unreasonable.

Perhaps as PPs have said I'm being over sensitive but I don't get why he wouldn't just stop saying it even if I am when he knows I don't like it. It's not really funny if the person you're saying the 'joke' to repeatedly finds it hurtful.

And in all of this back & forth - has he ever said "sorry" OP?
You know, like a normal person, when they realise they've been a goon to someone they love?
Or is he just all about the denial & the DARVO?
www.banyantherapy.com/darvo/

😂😂😂

I like the cut of your jib @CoolerThanIceCream