To really not find this 'joke' funny?

[BlahblahSheep]

Quick background, my husband has older children and we have one child together. I was extremely clear when I met him that I wanted children so if he didn't want anymore we should leave it there. He assured me he did want more.

Anyway, basically now whenever he asks me to do something for him like make a brew or whatever it is, he'll say something like 'C'mon, I had a child for you, I already had two'. Basically he did me a favour so now I can do one for him.

He laughs and says he's joking but he's said it multiple times and it's really starting to fuck me off. He is joking in the sense that the things he's asking for a trivial little things and he isn't actually bothered if I don't make him a cup of tea or whatever but still.

I said to him last night when he did it again that I don't find it funny, he's basically saying he didn't want our child which I find hurtful not just toward me but toward our DC as well.

He's a good dad and I know he adores our child but I just don't find this funny at all and actually pretty fucking horrible.

He thinks I'm overreacting and it's a joke. I think he must be saying the truth but playing it off as a joke.

It's not harmless, clearly. And he needs to get out of the stupid habit.

@BlahblahSheep it's horrible & he needs to stop because it's upsetting you. It could be considered 'banter' in some relationships, but that doesn't matter! YOU are upset by it and when your child is old enough to understand (earlier than many would think) it's a nasty thing to hear their parent say! (Even in jest when they're very young)

You sound lovely. Good luck to whoever you do end up marrying.

'DH, stop saying that, I don't find it funny. If you say it again, we'll be having a proper argument about it, so consider this your last warning.'

For the numpties on the thread faux struggling to get it, it’s not about ‘different’ senses of humour.

It’s next level socially inept to keep telling a joke - aimed at someone - who’s made it quite clear they not only don’t find it funny, but it upsets them.

It’s beyond socially inept. It’s unkind.

Aren't grown adults supposed to understand that humour is subjective?

It's not a "harmless joke" if she's already told him many times she doesn't like it but he keeps doing it anyway.

The difference between zero children and one is starker than the difference between two and three. No matter how much he wanted a child, this child makes a bigger difference to OP than it does to him. So the joke will always make sense, regardless of how much he wanted this child.

So which are you @nutellachurro? When you tell 2 year old jokes which other people don’t find funny?

Socially inept?

Or unkind?

I was going to ask you about having another child. You said you wanted children not A child.

I think he's known all along he didn't, but didn't want to lose you so said he did.

he's now making it clear your child was FOR you, what you do with this information is up to you.

Probably just knows by now then not to have a problem with anything you say because it'll be a him problem. Poor guy.

I'm only joking btw no need to get upset.

Both it looks like.

Happy to help.

It's a joke that relies on the contrast between the trivial request (can you make me a cup of tea?) and the serious long-term commitment to having a child. The gap between two - treating both as if they are of equal importance - is where the joke is.

This is a pretty standard form of joke. Jokes are there to disrupts expectations. You think things are going one way, but there's a switch to frame things differently.

You're completely free to not find it funny, or to find it insensitive, or to think telling it repeatedly is unkind, or to imagine it hides some deeper feelings of the OP's partner. But it's definitely a joke.

Thankfully I don't surround myself with people who find shit like this offensive or unfunny, most do in life associate with those who share a similar sense of humour.

The OP is being overly sensitive, thus is the unreasonable one

I understand this. It's the huge difference between the two things being compared as if they are similar.

But it's something he knows I was concerned about and something he knows I don't find funny, the opposite in fact.

I feel your pain OP. My DH did this with a ‘joke’ about where I lived when we first met. He used to joke to anyone and everyone we met that he ‘rescued me’ and used derogatory terms to describe where I was living. It was actually a flat I’d bought myself after years of hard work at my career and zero support from my dysfunctional family. I’d survived on my own since 18 and was so proud of myself. One day I asked him to explain the joke. Actually explain the funny bit. Because no one every laughed. He couldn’t. I made it very clear the damage this apparent joke was causing and how insulting it was and how it hurt my feelings. I also pointed out how it made other people uncomfortable when he said it and asked him to imagine one of his mates saying it to their wives. Turning it back on him and making him sit with his words worked. He has never said it again.

Though it seems 82% of the vote disagree. So I wonder who the problem is.

Aren't grown adults supposed to understand that upsetting their partners with jokes implying they never wanted their own child is a serious dick move?

We can only assume nutellas spouse is as offensive as they are and they are welcome to each other

It's not a joke, it's one of the nastiest things a person could say

I get it OP. He is basically telling you that he is not enjoying parenting your toddler and plays it out is a passive aggressive way. It is rude and hurtful.

I would tell him that you know exactly what he is doing and ypu will do him a favour and leave with your child so he doesn't have to do it any more.

Or he just knows to shut up about it. She doesn't sound like she'd be very respectful about it if he did have a problem. She'd find it hilarious to continually repeat a joke her spouse found hurtful because it's his problem.

She sounds like a lovely partner.

For some with such a ‘great’ sense of humour, you don’t seem much fun.

@SheeWeee

Good thing that comment wasn't in response to the OP then wasn't it

Jesus wept

Some on here aren't all that bright

You may have a point if it was the first time he told the joke but you really think it would be OK and reasonable to carry on making the same joke to the person you love even when they've told you it upsets them? Really? That just seems nasty to me for no real reason, even if you think the OP is being over sensitive about the joke itself why wouldn't you just accept that it's something that she's sensitive to and not joke about that again? I don't understand why the need to carry it on, for what gain?

💯 agree with this. He’s hiding behind the ‘joke’ because he does not have the emotional intelligence to articulate his feelings about something. That is entirely his problem and he need to stop with the ‘joke’ and find another, perhaps more direct way of expressing what he is feeling.