I can see why women stick with men who have money

[FayeGovan]

I mean even when they arent a great match. Money makes life easier. I have friends in this position, they arent worrying about the energy cap or the price of lurpak. They have their own new cars and holidays to look forward to. They work part time in an undemanding job. Nights out and weekends away aren't a worry.
I can understand why they are with husbands they dont particularly like or love though.
Its not for me but i cant see why they do it.

This x 100.

The golden egg is those who truly love their partners who happen to be rich. My friend is genuinely head over heels for someone who is rich- she works hard and they live modestly to be honest, but she's thankful for the safety net- he wasnt wealthy when they met.

Other than that I think it's far more aspirational to want to make your own money. Sure the lifestyle is nice, but there's more chance of it being pulled from under you and have nothing to show for it. Someone I work with is 61, his now ex wife the same age- she is absolutely stunning, a genuinely lovely person who is fun to be around and successful albeit in a poorly paid sector. I've known them for around a decade and always seemed smitten still- he left her for someone in their 30s and took everything with what seemed like no notice.

It's a guided cage to live like that

Personalty, I prefer to be independent
I earn my own money
I make my own choices
I don't have to ask for money for z, y, z
I save some too

This. There is no long term security in a transactional relationship.

My ex-DH earned double what my current DH earns. He also had a massive pot of savings and pension (which I didn't touch) but I was so unhappy in our relationship. I didn't fancy him by the end at all, didn't love him really, we were just friends and that wasn't enough for me.

I'd rather be poor and happy than rich and miserable.

Yes sure. Assuming they get on alright, I can see why you’d make that decision on both sides. Divorce is very expensive. It’s possible to have a marriage where you more or less get on with your own lives, and you are happy enough.

I don’t think I’d do it, but I get it.

In certain circles sure, but not in many fairly well off MC families. It’s just too expensive, the bloke isn’t in a position to do that.

I was at a lecture at Uni and the speaker said "never marry for money but put your love where there is some..."

I couldn't live with someone I didn't like.

Like everything, there are different shades of this. For instance, I think there is a big difference between getting together with someone because they are wealthy and staying in a relationship with someone because of the financial/material consequences of leaving.

I'm not talking about relationships where there is abuse, infidelity or disrespect by one partner of the other. But there are plenty of relationships where there is mutual respect, companionship and some degree of affection between the partners, but they've fallen out of love or perhaps don't share that many interests any more. Especially where there are young children involved or where splitting up would mean a much worse standard of living, I don't think it's the worst thing in the world to stay in these mutually supportive "working" relationships and face family life and all its issues together. For many, life with children is a bit of a slog anyway and having additional support and extra financial resources makes it easier. Of course, this only works if both partners respect each other and each other's contributions.

BS, it's actually one of the best investments you can do, meaning: you marry a wealthy guy and divorce him later taking half of his assets. Who cares if he traded you for a younger model or not? You had to put up with him and his rich life style for 10 years and now you walk away wealthy after not having worked one single day of your life.

I can't think of a better business than marrying a rich guy (just make sure he doesn't make you sign a prenup).

Of course. Money isn't everything but it's a lot of things. Not having to worry about money, or even having a wonderful lifestyle beyond merely comfortable, is a very appealing prospect. I'd rather be healthy and loved than rich, but I'd rather be rich than poor. Anyone who doesn't think being poor is that bad has never had to do it.

There's also a difference between being married to a decent person you don't love but don't mind, and an absolute arsehole.

But loveless marriages are vulnerable in the sense that if there really is nothing else but money holding them together, there are a lot of potential temptations for either party. A degree of wealth makes you happier but there comes a point where it hits a ceiling and more wealth beyond that doesn't bring more happiness.

This. I feel sorry for the man who lands up with this type of woman. Know of a few.

I wouldn't. Assuming he's the rich one, in my experience he generally gets exactly what he wanted from the relationship too, and his aspirations within it were no loftier than hers. Plus he retains the security since it's ultimately his wealth.

Its always assumed a relationship like this wont work as he will inevitably trade hervin for a younger model. But thevones i know stick together as it must suit them both. The men arent loaded but just enough for her to have an easier life with a decent income coming in. And no money worries as he covers it all.

I would have sneered at this in the past, but now I can see the appeal, even if its not the perfect marriage. Barring actual abuse, not many long term relationships stay the same and many turn into more of a comfortable companionship. Poverty, worry and stress about money, resentments, are love killers.

But still....unless they live in a mansion with separate bedrooms they will probably still spend more time with their husband than with anyone else. I just can't imagine any nice handbag or expensive night out being enough to compensate for going home and having to sleep in the same bed as someone I didn't like or respect, wait for them to finish in the toilet, listen to their stupid conversation, go on holiday together etc.

Plus presumably they have to pretend to at least be vaguely nice to and interested in said guy so he doesn't get sick of them and dump them for someone who actually likes him? Wouldn't the mental strain of that become unbearable after a while?

I've had dps who I love that annoyed me a lot of the time so the thought of living with someone I don't even like is horrendous!

@autocollantes I know what you mean. I strongly believe women / men should be financially independent regardless of their marital status and personally I cannot imagine myself relying on man financially and also I think women relying on men financially is dated image.

My first reaction to this subject used to be like other posters.

However because this subject to me is a little bit outdated and I believe the majority of women work and even earn more than their partner, I do not think that is commonplace any more so recently I started to see this subject from a different point of view.

It's not about women and men and financial status, it's about how I see love, who defines love and if we can be judgemental.

Yeah there are relationships tied down to money and some women / men choose it. But I do not think I need to judge them and their choice.

Sorry it sounds like rambling but I want to make it clear that I understand what you mean.

Plenty of women in crappy relationships with awful poor men too, and they seem to be just as scared/unwilling to leave. Many more factors involved than finances (kids, culture, fear, failure, loneliness etc).

If you are a person that works
If your relationship ends
It is much easier to carry on with life, compared to someone that has never worked

Plus you have the opportunity to build up your own private pension

This is my idea of hell.

Why would anyone want to be financially dependent on anyone (male or female). I will teaching my DD the importance of being financially independent. When you rely on someone at the cost of your happiness, it makes you incredibly vulnerable.

I just can't imagine any nice handbag or expensive night out being enough to compensate for going home and having to sleep in the same bed as someone I didn't like or respect, wait for them to finish in the toilet, listen to their stupid conversation, go on holiday together etc.

Long term financial security, or even an affluent lifestyle, is more than a handbag or a night in a bar. It's a long-term reassurance, improvement of odds in many respects and many opportunities for travel, education, housing and more that wouldn't be possible otherwise.

It still may not be for you and that's fine, but don't kid yourself that it's just about handbags and cocktails.

I don't know. When we see miserable women on here, they almost always mention finances as a reason they can't leave.

When you have children, my experience is that you quite often inevitably become financially dependent on someone else to a degree unless you are very well paid (either benefits/UC or your partner). Things like funding maternity leave, meeting the costs of childcare, flexing or reducing hours to meet your caring commitments. There are relatively few jobs which pay enough and are flexible enough for a single parent to go it alone without any government support or support from a partner and still have a decent standard of living.

I muse about this every once in a while but ultimately no personally I’d find this awful

I don’t struggle financially so maybe I’d feel different if I did but I’m always juggling money to make sure our home is nice and we can do stuff, days out take a holiday etc ( me and dc ) always very aware that it’s all down to me and one Income but I’d rather that than have to waste my life with someone I don’t love or fancy

Their other half could be having an affair ?