Am I being unreasonable....

[Kitchenlight]

I arranged a dinner for friends visiting from abroad (their first time in three years). We agreed a small group - some people they know and some they'd like to get to know.
One of the invitees (A) is a good friend of my visitors (and someone I've known for a long time) and wrote to me ten days before the event and said her husband is away and her babysitter has cancelled. She asked if my children were free to babysit (they aren't) and said if they weren't could she bring her seven year old daughter along or she'd have to cancel. . Her daughter loves my visitors (and they her), and is a fabulous child who enjoys chatting to adults, but I really want an adult evening and her daughter will inevitably change the dynamic and shift my visitors attention away from the other adult guests.
I said I would prefer it to be an adults only evening but of course if she couldn't find a babysitter she should bring her daughter. A said she had no other options for babysitting so I offered to help her find someone and she said yes please. After asking around I eventually found a known, trusted and cheap babysitter and told A - who then said that actually she couldn't afford to pay for a babysitter as her financial situation is changing (they are a dual income professional family but her husband is about to go freelance). Also, she added, her daughter really wanted to come and might not get many other chances to see the visitors (A will be spending time with them on other days but she said it might be difficult to arrange much time for the visitors to see her daughter as she keeps weekends for family time).
I reiterated I'd prefer it to be an adult only evening and that I'd love her to be there and said I'd pay for the babysitter (it seemed the simplest solution). A said she couldn't accept me paying and reiterated her daughter really wanted to come and said they could both arrive early and leave early (which will be sad for my guests, but also awkward ... at what point will they leave? )
I'd like A to come and my friends would love to see her but I want an adult evening. It's taken effort to organise this (i asked everyone two months ago) and it's already quite stressful (unexpected events mean I'll get to my own dinner late). For context: I am a single parent on a single income so i am sympathetic to babysitting concerns and constraints.
AIBU - or should I just go with it?
And also, more importantly, can you think of any solutions that will make everyone happy?

she said her daughter is crying. I think she made the mistake of making her daughter think she could come and then didn't deal with it. But I don't see why I have to deal with it and I don't want to be made to feel bad.

She is her mother, the crying is her deal. She is now emotionally manipulating you.

they are alike
unless it is the daughter that has her mother round her fingertips!

I nOw think the mother is trying to appease the daughter (i like the daughter btw)

i agree

"Sorry to hear that"

"It seems as though the best solution would be for you not to come the your dd won't need a babysitter. You'll be seeing lots of mutual friends whilst they are here anyway and we can arrange a catch-up soon."

Tell her you are crying?

Shes bullying you

You are being incredibly accommodating. I hope you get the evening you wanted since you have worked so hard for it.

I've never used the term before but your friend is a CF.

Just seen your update. Your friend is horrible. I'm a total push over as well and something like this would have me incredibly stressed but please for the sake of all of us push overs just tell her no.

She's playing you, both mother and daughter.
Stick by your original plan, adults only.
Enjoy your night!

Dont change your plans. She is taking the piss. Mother and daughter, at least dd has excuse of being a child.

be strong
it is not for you to stop her daughter crying
this woman sounds awful!

Just say no!

”I’m sorry she’s upset A, but having her join is just not possible. Do let me know by tomorrow if you want Niece to stay with her.”

Just
say
no

She and her brat are hideous.

I would leave if I attended an adults evening to find a 7 yo present.

It is nothing to do with paying for a babysitter. She just wants to bring her dd. Tbh she just sounds like someone who indulges her kids. I would just say that its a pity she will have to miss out as you are not inviting children on this occasion.

This all sounds ridiculous. Your friend should not be sending you messages like this. Send one saying that the babysitting offer still stands and to let you know by x time whether she will be attending. Then don't engage with it again.

I was talking to aand they said they are seeing your daughter LOTS. I’m sorry she’s upset about this dinner but good sheA not going to miss out.

big fat subtext there- you manipulative liar oh no my ooor darling will miss out on seeing her dear friends well no she won’t that’s LIES.

it sounds like you are doing her parenting a favour, she needs a lot of practice telling her daughter no. I have a 7yo, this is not on.

I've sent a note. It's clear and I hope polite. I'm exhausted. No one is a brat or horrible.

She wants her daughter to come, you don't. You are organising the evening, so it's up to you. You don't want a dynamic change, she's not willing to compromise on family weekend time. You've offered a solution, she won't take it. I'd tell her it's unfortunate she's not able to come, but I wouldn't allow her to dictate your evening.

This "friend" is a manipulative arsehole. FFS, it's unreal how ridiculous she's being. I'd be uninviting her at this point.

Child is stroppy because she wants to come.
Mother won't say no.
Hope the night goes well op, how stressful!
I wouldn't want a 7 year old there either.
Total changes the adult dynamic.

Can't A host? That seems like the most sensible solution to me.

Stand your ground. That’s pure manipulation. Stay strong OP!!