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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be really annoyed/upset at first day of primary school childs lunch eaten by another

286 replies

charley39 · 05/09/2022 16:06

As the title suggests really.

Just collected my son from his first day of school in reception. Nothing was said at pick up by the teacher. On our way out of the school my son told us that he didn’t eat his sandwiches. Bit more digging and he’s told me that he didn’t get his lunch another child ate it all and he was given a baguette instead. None of it was making any sense so we went back to the class to speak to the teacher.

Apparently another child has picked up his lunch bag and they assumed my son didn’t have packed lunch so they got him a ham baguette which he ate half the bread off(he won’t eat ham only plain bread). Then she said they then realised another child had his lunchbox and they then gave it back to my child so I said oh so you did eat your crisps and cake and my son was adamant he didn’t get it it was eaten. Teacher then said oh I don’t think we had picked up on it quick enough.

Now I’ve come home I’m getting more and more upset about the situation. He’s come home starving and it has stressed him out the fact he didn’t get his own lunch which is a big thing for him. And the fact it’s his first day of school.

Also extremely concerned in terms of allergies etc if the other child who had his lunch had allergies. I feel like it is a big issue?

OP posts:
Festoonlights · 05/09/2022 18:21

School life is going to be extremely long and painful op if you are going to react like this every time.....

Redburnett · 05/09/2022 18:21

Put enormous labels on the bag/box/drink bottle etc with his name on and encourage him to tell teacher immediately if another child has taken it.
I think it is a bigger issue than some posters seem to think. A hungry child will not learn as well in the afternoon apart from the emotional upset of having something stolen on his first day.
A small part of me does wonder if the other child was very hungry and perhaps they had no lunch of their own.......

NerrSnerr · 05/09/2022 18:23

My son started reception last year. On the first day they had to scrabble for a lunch for him as he told them he had a lunch box. He thought they were asking if he owned a lunch box so just said yes.

It's just one of those things. We just laughed it off with the teacher.

treesandweeds · 05/09/2022 18:23

Have you never made a mistake?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 05/09/2022 18:26

As well as name labels, a lunch box for a 4 year old should IMO preferably have some other identifier - e.g. stickers, or a dangly key ring thing, so they can tell it at once from another the same.

Ihatemyroad · 05/09/2022 18:27

Things like this will happen.

My daughter kept having the same girl sit next to her and she would eat my daughters packed lunch. It kept happening until my daughter had a plan, she would let the other girl join the queue and then she would go to the back of the queue so they never sat together.

Seeing your little one start school and handing them over to be looked after is hard. It’s very different to nursery. Nursery will normally give you a run down of their day, school won’t.

deedledeedledum · 05/09/2022 18:28

Great opportunity OP to model behaviour to him when things don't go to plan. It's really important that dc understand that things go awry and how to manage their emotions, frustrations etc. that you are even talking about it this much suggests it really annoyed you. This will be reflected to your dc subconsciously so try to REALLY move past this.

luxxlisbon · 05/09/2022 18:28

Massive overreaction!!

KweenieBeanz · 05/09/2022 18:30

charley39 · 05/09/2022 18:16

@KweenieBeanz unfortunately for a child that struggles with confidence and new environments it’s not as exciting but daunting.

i suppose that’ll be my fault aswell for making him like that😒

Try not to frame 'daunting' as a negative though? It's daunting for all kids? So parents job is to reframe that little feeling of butterflies in their tummy as excitement about something new and different? Kids take so much of their energy from those around them. Make it a plus! Knowing what kids are like tomorrow he'll prob be like 'X says I am his best friend because we mixed up our lunches' knowing what 4 year olds are like, an experience like this could trigger a first friendship :-)

TellerTuesday · 05/09/2022 18:32

Oh apologies at @Johnnysgirl I just presumed the PP was being equally as charming trying to make the OP feel like a child abusers for giving her child a bag of wotsits and a French fancy 😏

cherish123 · 05/09/2022 18:32

Annoying but no one was harmed. The staff can't really check everyone's lunch. I would tell DS to speak up if his lunch box isn't there. I assume they put them in a pile and pick up at lunchtime. Which is more difficult.

Fcuk38 · 05/09/2022 18:32

He didn’t come home starving did he? He really didn’t. Label your kids lunch box problem solver.

Bumpsadaisie · 05/09/2022 18:34

It's a massive thing where they start year R. And even every first day back in sept is a big deal. Mine are into year 9 and 6 tomorrow and I'm sad still about the holidays being over and fretting about nothing! Will my Dd have enough to eat, will ds drink his water.

I'll get over it soon enough.

CraftyRetrieverMumma · 05/09/2022 18:34

My 8 week old breastfed baby has vomited 3 days in a row at the same time of day. Definitely vomit and not spit up (it was projectile and looked like the full contents of her tummy) she’s fine otherwise - no fever, plenty of wet and dirty nappies, happy in herself (when not vomiting). I wondered if I’m over feeding but wasn’t sure that was possible in a bf baby? It’s strange that’s it’s happened at the same time of day. Does anyone have any experience with this? I will be taking her to the gp tomorrow for a check anyway. Oh and still putting on weight each day (I have baby scales at home) Thank you.

Housebytheseanc · 05/09/2022 18:34

As a mum of a child who has allergies and has experienced a fair few slip ups at nursery, I actually do think you should speak to the teacher/school.

It actually annoys me people attitudes towards this, if a child with a seriously allergy picked up his lunchbox and it contained anything they were allergic to this could have been quite serious.

My partner has worked in nurseries and schools and usually children are well supervised during lunchtime, it’s not too much trouble to mention to the staff (politely of course) tomorrow to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

InFiveMins · 05/09/2022 18:34

Yes YABU. Massively so. Please don't embarrass your child like this again at school.

Original poster
charley39 · 05/09/2022 18:35

@Fcuk38 labelled to within an inch of its life so please this isn’t the issue here. As I’ve said time and time again.

OP posts:
FeetupTvon · 05/09/2022 18:36

I was in Y1 today. To be honest, it was chaotic to say the least. As it always is on the first day back after summer hols.
Its no drama, it’s happened, it wasn’t intentional and the teacher probably feels awkward enough about it already.
I’d laugh it off and concentrate on all the fun your son had today.

RedHelenB · 05/09/2022 18:37

Yabu. It's only a big issue if you make it one. I hope his name was on it

Fancylike · 05/09/2022 18:39

Take a deep breath. It was a mix up, the teacher fixed it by giving him a filled baguette that your child did partially eat. He didn’t come home in tears about it. And I’m sure the nutritional value of cake and crisps won’t be missed by his growing body.

Lndnmummy · 05/09/2022 18:45

First day of school is a big deal and its natural that the transition causes abit of angst as everyone adjusts. The teacher today had 30 odd children to look after and provide updates on so in her defence I am sure she did her best. My eldest child came back from school telling me he now had a different sirname! I told him he really but he was having none of it as Miss X had told him his new name and that was that! Basically she'd mixed the children up and he was as a result given lunch he was allergic to and was sick. We laugh about it now.

Sh05 · 05/09/2022 18:50

It was a mistake that shouldn't have happened and when it did it should have been pointed out to you at pick up. On the first day of school we all worry and hope that everything went smoothly for our children so it is understandable that you are upset
I hope tomorrow is better for your little one.

AdriannaP · 05/09/2022 18:52

No big deal. Why do you pack him cake and crisps? Don’t they get a free lunch in reception anyway?

MynameisJune · 05/09/2022 18:53

@charley39 you say you didn’t make a big deal out of it, but you did really. You turned him around and went back to the classroom to ask his teacher what happened. Why not just wait for the morning and mention it?

I get that as a parent you want everything to be perfect for them and it’s hard letting go and not having a lot of detail about their day.

But as brutal as this will sound, his confidence issues could well be down to how you deal with things.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 05/09/2022 18:55

Mistakes happen but I’d be unimpressed the teacher didn’t mention it. Glad you’ve reassured your ds and I’m sure tomorrow will be fine.

Curious about one statement, why is the day stressful? Are you referring to other stuff or the stress of ds starting school? My twins started secondary today and it wasn’t stressful just the last 30 minutes at work watching the clock until I got a message saying they’d had a fab day.