Patronising MN replies that people pretend are sincere…

[Itsbadbitchoclockyeahitsthickthirty]

I’ll go first:

”Are you very young OP?”

This is hilarious - I posted last week for the first time in years and got all of these within an hour. I'm glad it's a trend and I'm not genuinely a horror as I was made out to be.

I love those people who are clearly above the rest of us and yet they can't read and understand a post unless it's grammatically correct and spelt perfectly. Who is actually the fool here you sanctimonious twat?🙄

'HE had a lucky escape' when a woman met someone from OLD and she complained or threatened to report him to the app when he ghosted her, used her or had a husband.

Well, what did they say when you told them thats not on!?

Well, nothing, I havent actually talked to them about it

Fuck off and talk to them and then come and complain

Well, the reason the question ' What did they say when you told them,,, etc" is patronising rather than good and relevant, is that it assumes the course of action proposed by the person posing the question is the only possible one. So it comes across as rather sneery - 'why haven't you already done this absolutely obvious thing,[you idiot]?' And there might be a number of reasons why. The OP might genuinely not know that a situation is unfair/unreasonable/someone is being vile; or the person being vile is terrifyingly violent/mad/Mafia-connected; or the OP has problems which might prevent them marching up to the person and demanding they desist.

But if you were to ask, "Have you had a chance to talk to them about it, OP?" - well, that is a more helpful, open question, is it not? The OP might then say, no, and I'm scared to because....or No, and I don't know how to go about it without causing offence, ...or No, because I can't leave the house because of crushing agoraphobia...and then posters who were genuinely interested in the OP's dilemma might have something useful to add.

Does that help clarify it for you? HTH.

I occasionally ask about OPs age because I get the feeling they may be young and are about to get all kinds of unsuitable replies!

same - because you know that when you're young and things hit you for the first time, they can feel huge and insurmountable. And by the time you're 50 you've experienced this thing countless times. So it helps to know if they're 20. If they're 50 and it's something most people experience, there is probably a whole other approach.

and shouts of "PFB!" can sometimes make people see they're acting like twats over the top first time parents

You're considering botox/filler/hair dye/literally anything? How sad. FWIW my husband adores me with no make up, unkempt hair, unbrushed teeth and BO - he tells me every day. Hope that's helpful x

Also practically every response to a poster who admits to drinking half a thimble of sherry every other occasion Halley's Comet appears.

'That's a shocking amount of alcohol!'

'You sound like you have an addiction problem'

'What if one of your children (which OP has never mentioned' needed taking to hospital / A&E/ needs picking up from the most bizarre of circumstances'

'You need help with your drinking problem'

'I would be dead if liver failure if I drank that much!!!'

Honestly, some threads hand out pearls to clutch like rosary beads on the first day of convent school.

"You knew what you were getting into when you you knew he had children" - trotted out on so many SM threads. No we don't because, shock, horror, we are no more able to predict the future than non-SM's.

One of my “favourites” is definitely the “so what did they say when you confronted them about it?”.
Also the “I mean this in the kindest way possible” - that sounds so weirdly patronising.

I find it astonishing that you… (insert fairly normal behaviour that just happens to differ from what the poster might do)

‘Can I ask why you chose to have more children with this man?’ As if the reply to that question is going to be useful, or matters now.

I also find 'sit him/her/them down for a chat' oddly infuriating in a way I can't quite explain. Have your necessary conversation standing up that works for you or while you're out for a walk. 'Sit them down...' makes it sound like you're taking a parental or superior role over the other person in the conversation no matter who it is.

Yes, this! Realistically there isn’t much help, unless you are a danger to yourself or others.

Exactly! “have you tried getting yourself on an 18 month waiting list for 6 half hour phone counselling sessions?”

Ofc they don’t actually care if the OP is getting any help, they just want to be a dick

'Is this your first baby OP?

or the Mumsnet classic:

'You sound a bit PFB.'

Often used when OP is concerned about something entirely rationale, and would be justified in being concerned about whether it were their first, second, third, fourth... (you get their idea) baby.

I don't understand people paying XX Amount for getting their hair/nails etc done - my husband does it for me ....... no one gives a shit about you and your hair (which probably looks shit anyway)

I fcking hate this - no you are not baffled . You are saying what a highly superior are swipe you are ! 😂

"Interesting first post"

and

"Welcome to Mumsnet"

I find it astonishing that you… (insert fairly normal behaviour that just happens to differ from what the poster might do)

Oh gods yes. I had a row discussion a few years ago (another name) about reducing food waste, trying to do as much as we can etc. Person

'Just put food waste on your compost heap' fucking shrug emoji

'We don't have one'

'That's ridiculous! How can you say you care about food waste when you don't even have a compost heap?'

'Where exactly in my seventh floor, no balcony flat should I put said compost heap?'

Some threads are genuinely baffling though. I was confused by ‘cold head hands’ and sleep pods until OP came back. I thought it was a cost of living thread.

I think being baffled is fine sometimes. It’s faux bafflement I can’t be arsed with.

I was genuinely puzzled by "chicken shop" as it wasnt a term I'd come across! So mn was helpful as I realise in many areas it's a common term!

Agreed. Someone didn't want to disclose the gender of themselves and their partner in a recent thread about their in-laws (presumably to prevent stereotyping), which lead to very confusing use of the pronoun 'their' throughout the entire post.

Ah yes. And then, when pointed in the direction of their previous thread, in the same username, denouncing all Americanisms, they then claimed to genuinely not know what a truck was.

when in a hole, stop digging. 😂

I remember this 🤣

"You sound a bit moody, OP. Have you considered getting some counselling? x"

The x at the end is icing on the cake.

THANK YOU, DR PHIL!