Are we being unreasonable for not letting my sister and her family live in our house while we are gone?

[timeaway4now]

My husband, son, and I are moving away for a few years. We were going to ask our niece, Sarah, to live in our house for free in return for looking after it until we return. She is currently looking for a new place in the area, so we thought it was good timing all around.

My sister found out about the situation and wants us to instead let her and her family live in the house because it’s much bigger and she wants more room for her kids. She and her husband have 4 children (ages 14, 11, 8, 6) in a small flat.

Our house on the other hand is larger, so the older two would be able to have their rooms. The house also has an office that my sister says we could convert to another bedroom so Sarah could live there for free as well. Although we know that Sarah wouldn’t want to as she prefers to live alone.

Aside from having more room my sisters other reasoning is that she and her husband want to to save up for a deposit for a house of their own. They have been having trouble doing so and living in our house rent free for a few years would help them a lot.

My main issues is that I don’t like the idea of a bunch of kids living in my house. Things get very hectic at my sister place. It makes me feel like it is inevitable that things would get damaged. I also worry about upsetting our neighbors with how loud they can get. Our area is generally very peaceful and quiet.

We would also have to deal with putting our things in storage to accommodate their furniture. Sarah doesn’t have many things so we would only have to rearrange somethings and store them in the spare bedrooms.

Lastly we planned on coming back to town to visit once or twice a year. If my sisters family was living here it would mean we would have to either stay in and pay for a hotel or we would have to deal with them being there and sleep in the house without our things.

Overall having my sister’s family live here makes us uncomfortable and just seems much more inconvenient than having Sarah stay. However my sister as well as some other relatives think we are being selfish not to help out them when we are more privileged than them.

The niece may also not leave.

Best not to mix family and property. I would let it through an agency.

I wouldn't be swayed. Stick with your niece. Your aister sounds entitled, which could be a disaster when it came to her moving out and preparing the house ready for you to move back.

Would it work to say sister can stay in house of neice can live in her flat, then everyone gets somewhere, sister still had to pay for her flat but gets a bigger property for the money. You could leave it furnished and just box up not furniture stuff that was not moving with you. If you did do that I would definitely ask for signed agreement that all damage is our right by then.

Don’t do it-you’re not responsible for your sister’s lifestyle-the entitlement of someone who chose to have 4 kids when they couldn’t really afford to house them
properly is quite shocking. You don’t have to do something just because she wants it. Your arrangement with your niece is much better

Your sister sounds like a person who makes bad choices and expects other people to foot the bill. Your niece sounds a better bet.

It's your house but given that you are moving away for years I would think it would be better to rent the house cheaply to your sister (the rent would cover any repairs)

No. What happens if your plan falls through and you have to move back? You'll be "kicking her family out onto the streets" even if you came back when you said you would there's a big chance they won't have saved and will slag you off to everyone fro kicking them out. Tell you that you can move back in with them.

I think you should stick with your niece

I would stick with Sarah for all the reasons previously mentioned. Your sister sounds entitled and is trying to guilt trip you over her poor decisions.

I also think all the on costs of storage, Airbnb, to repaint, repair and replace anything damaged plus the increased bills will cost your sister at least as much as she is paying now. So it won’t benefit her financially and it definitely won’t benefit you, your things or your house.

I also know a family, who basically binned a lot of their stuff left in storage (with a very reputable removal / storage company) after a few years as it was damp and mouldy. They’d been paying something like £600 a month to store their things, well over a decade ago btw. This was most of the contents of a very large house and they had a lot of stuff. I shudder to think how many tens of thousands of pounds their things would have been to replace.

If you allow your sister and family to stay, you’d effectively be seen as creating a tenancy even without a contract and would need a court order to remove them if they refused to go. And you certainly wouldn’t want them staying there too long as they could claim adverse possession of your property if afforded sole use after 10 years. Tbh if there were a massive discrepancy in wealth and incomes, I’d rather offer to give your sister 5k not to stay at the house. You’d be quids in!

Not to mention that would impact on the sisters argument that it would enable them to save.

I'd stick to your guns although I think you're in an impossible position now.

If it was me I would 100% give it to my sister and family.

Her small flat will feel much more hectic then if they were living in a larger house. So you may be surprised by how less hectic they actually are.

They also seem quite kind to allow your niece to live there so they seem like decent people.

However, if you are not comfortable, you are not comfortable.
This is your home at the end of the day and you need to do what feels right.

I do think a contract should be drawn up regardless of who you choose.

I have children, they are well trained but things do still get knocked over, stuff broken our house as a result has had to have things replaced, repainted etc. Their 2 youngest are still young so there is every risk your house could have spills and damage no matter how hard the parents try to prevent this. Allowing your niece to stay is the most convenient choice for you and you will be able to relax that you will return to a house in a similar condition that you left it. I'm sure it'd be lovely a few years rent free for your sister but that doesn't work for you so just say no.

@TuxedoJunction we don't need the money and would prefer not to have strangers living in our house.

We don't have a relocation package as we are not moving for work. Plus the house where we will be living is already furnished.

Me and my sister have a close relationship so I would give her my house no question. So is there a back story op. R u and ur sister close. Obviously it’s ur house and ur choice just seems strange u have the opportunity to give ur sister a better life in the since her and her family won’t be stuck in a flat.

@Capricapri the only people I could imagine giving a kidney to would be my husband or son

Yikes. Your DS won't forgive you more than likely but you have to do what works for you.

Why are people suggesting OP rents her house out in any way? She doesn't WANT to. She wants one responsible person that she knows and trusts (possibly with the addition of the existing boyfriend) to house sit.
The sister is a CF to ask to move in.

Woah, OP. So many posters who are close to their sisters have no problem with this, but you are not, so it’s fine to say no.

And as PPs have said, no one made her grow her family to four children in a small flat. All the potential issues raised about affordability, damage, not wanting to move out, etc, are real. The only thing that might swing my view is if she and her DH have already saved a lot towards deposit/moving and are within touching distance of affording their own home. If not, it’s hard to see how they can make it work, so totally understand why you would go with Sarah.

Four children is pretty irresponsible for a start. Four children in a small flat is definitely irresponsible.

She should have thought about saving before she had all those children.

No we don't know what is round the corner but I would never ever in a million years be stupid enough to have 4 children

There's a whiff of entitlement coming across from your sister. I think if she'd approached you with a fair plan e.g. what she would contribute financially, putting their items in storage, considering damages/upkeep etc. it might be a bit different. Instead she seems to feel that her needs trump's DN and has got the whole family fighting her corner. It's not your problem she's chosen to have loads of kids and I'd worry she'd use them as an excuse to overstay her welcome and dictate your home.

I think it would end in tears, yours.

Your sister is extremely entitled to think she should be allowed this.

You are taking a huge risk.
Why would you do that.

Stick with Sarah.

Some of them seem bitter at what a good deal the niece is getting to be honest! Not nice

Just say " no that doesn't work for us, because we will still be coming back to stay there from time to time."

@PaniniHead the plan is for our niece to pay the utilities (with us contributing a bit when we visit) and we would continue to pay the tax.