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AIBU?

To be annoyed about dinner invite

147 replies

hittle · 04/09/2022 09:35

Invited to BIL and SIL for dinner last night, was organised last week. Was under the impression they would cook- asked us what sort of foods we do/don't like.

Turn up and they cba to cook so order dominoes. DH feels obliged to offer money, which they accept, and pays half.

AIBU to think that if you invite someone for dinner you either a) give a heads up that you're thinking takeaway and check the guests are happy to come given it's gonna cost them £25 or b) pay for whatever food you've chosen to put on?

BG; we have hosted them the last 10 times , literally, at least, due to building works at their place and have always cooked and at most they've bought a couple of beers... Which is fine as if I offer to host I expect to provide the food- but feel a bit peeved off about the reciprocal.

OP posts:
Flatandhappy · 04/09/2022 09:36

I’d be pissed off too, if you cba to cook then you pay for the takeaway.

Rainbowcat99 · 04/09/2022 09:38

DH shouldn't have offered to pay.
You played the polite game and you lost!!
Yes inviting people to dinner then getting a take away is a bit rubbish but perhaps it shows that they're comfortable with you.

hittle · 04/09/2022 09:41

I don't mind the 'cba to cook but' or the 'takeaway' bit but the unexpected cost of a takeaway just annoyed me, they've always been fully feed by us when they've come to us.

Yes maybe DH was too polite 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
GooglyEyeballs · 04/09/2022 09:44

My SIL was always like that. We had them over at least twice a month and Christmas. Actually one year she invited us over to theirs for Christmas... But expected us to cook 😂 even though we'd hosted them 3 years running. We made an excuse and had Christmas on our own and haven't invited them over again.

Craver · 04/09/2022 09:44

Next time you invite them over, suggest a Chinese or Indian takeaway and ask them for half the cost.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/09/2022 09:45

He wasn’t being polite he was being a mug! They host they provide food.

SweepItUnderTheCarpet · 04/09/2022 09:45

Bit daft offering money then complaining afterwards 😅

I think ordering a take away is ok personally. Although I wouldn't do it myself.

watcherintherye · 04/09/2022 09:49

SweepItUnderTheCarpet · 04/09/2022 09:45

Bit daft offering money then complaining afterwards 😅

I think ordering a take away is ok personally. Although I wouldn't do it myself.

I think it’s a perfectly normal etiquette thing to offer to pay, in the situation outlined in the op, but in the full expectation that payment will be refused!

hittle · 04/09/2022 09:49

When the delivery driver is collecting cash (£50) and BIL says 'I've got £25 here' and the room goes silent and he looks at us, what would people here have said?

I haven't complained about to to them- I've asked an anonymous website if my feelings are warranted or not. Kinda the point of AIBU.

OP posts:
Poppyblush · 04/09/2022 09:51

I didn’t think any pizza delivery companies, especially chains, took cash nowadays. Your bil paid by bank and did a deliberate guilt check.

Rainbowcat99 · 04/09/2022 09:55

hittle · 04/09/2022 09:49

When the delivery driver is collecting cash (£50) and BIL says 'I've got £25 here' and the room goes silent and he looks at us, what would people here have said?

I haven't complained about to to them- I've asked an anonymous website if my feelings are warranted or not. Kinda the point of AIBU.

Oh ok I'm that case they were ridiculously cheeky...dh didn't offer he sounds completely railroaded 😬

Hobbesmanc · 04/09/2022 09:57

Poppyblush · 04/09/2022 09:51

I didn’t think any pizza delivery companies, especially chains, took cash nowadays. Your bil paid by bank and did a deliberate guilt check.

We got caught out the other day. Local more artisan pizza place. Delivery cash only.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 04/09/2022 09:59

Did you see him hand over the cash because our dominos don't take cash

PAFMO · 04/09/2022 10:00

hittle · 04/09/2022 09:49

When the delivery driver is collecting cash (£50) and BIL says 'I've got £25 here' and the room goes silent and he looks at us, what would people here have said?

I haven't complained about to to them- I've asked an anonymous website if my feelings are warranted or not. Kinda the point of AIBU.

Bit of a dripfeed once you realised that, annoying though it was, it was your husband at fault for paying half.
Also very weird to keep a tally of who invites and who cooks.

GoldenGorilla · 04/09/2022 10:01

Yeah we are lazy and quite often invite people over then get takeaway but we would absolutely always pay, we’re the hosts and it’s our choice to get takeaway rather than cook.

Very cheeky of your in-laws. I’d be a bit less willing to host them after that!

rosiebl · 04/09/2022 10:04

I would send them an invoice for half the cost of the food for the 10 times they ate at yours. But I'm petty AF.

Brefugee · 04/09/2022 10:05

I'm with @rosiebl and wuld say something like "oh i didn't realise we go Dutch now" and mention how much they owe you for the last lot of dinners.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 04/09/2022 10:06

they sound relaly rude

Hotandbothereds · 04/09/2022 10:07

hittle · 04/09/2022 09:49

When the delivery driver is collecting cash (£50) and BIL says 'I've got £25 here' and the room goes silent and he looks at us, what would people here have said?

I haven't complained about to to them- I've asked an anonymous website if my feelings are warranted or not. Kinda the point of AIBU.

I genuinely doubt I’d have had cash on me tbh, I rarely do - and you normally pay for takeaways online when you order them these days anyway.

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/09/2022 10:07

I wouldn’t have said anything. I rarely carry cash and certainly not if I’m going to someone’s for a meal. They ordered it, they find a way to pay for it.

Hotandbothereds · 04/09/2022 10:09

Dominos don’t take cash anyway, this is still up on their website

www.dominos.co.uk/blog/our-response-to-covid-19-at-dominos/

raindon · 04/09/2022 10:10

hittle · 04/09/2022 09:49

When the delivery driver is collecting cash (£50) and BIL says 'I've got £25 here' and the room goes silent and he looks at us, what would people here have said?

I haven't complained about to to them- I've asked an anonymous website if my feelings are warranted or not. Kinda the point of AIBU.

What a cheeky fucker

satelliteheart · 04/09/2022 10:10

Well you've told two completely different stories there op. First story - dh offered to pay and bil accepted. Second story - bil didn't have enough money and expected dh to pay. The two stories can't both be true, so why did you completely change your story when people started saying it was your husband's fault for offering to pay? Which one is actually true?!

For what it's worth, I think it's rude they took money off your dh as if you invite people for dinner you should pay, whether it's a takeaway or a home cooked meal. But your husband should never have offered to pay. I don't really believe your second revised story

raindon · 04/09/2022 10:11

DH could have said I don't carry cash sorry, thought you'd invited us for dinner hahaha cheapskate. Or something.

Sswhinesthebest · 04/09/2022 10:13

We do that sometimes but it’s always upfront beforehand. In this situation where it was the hosts choice, they should pay.

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