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AIBU?

To be annoyed about dinner invite

147 replies

hittle · 04/09/2022 09:35

Invited to BIL and SIL for dinner last night, was organised last week. Was under the impression they would cook- asked us what sort of foods we do/don't like.

Turn up and they cba to cook so order dominoes. DH feels obliged to offer money, which they accept, and pays half.

AIBU to think that if you invite someone for dinner you either a) give a heads up that you're thinking takeaway and check the guests are happy to come given it's gonna cost them £25 or b) pay for whatever food you've chosen to put on?

BG; we have hosted them the last 10 times , literally, at least, due to building works at their place and have always cooked and at most they've bought a couple of beers... Which is fine as if I offer to host I expect to provide the food- but feel a bit peeved off about the reciprocal.

OP posts:
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Everyflippingusernameistaken · 05/09/2022 20:01

It is crap. I ONCE got a small plain margarita pizza and it was dry and a total waste of fecking money. Pizza is always totally overpriced for a bit of bread dough with tomato sauce and a few bits of topping. Daylight robbery!

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Silvers11 · 05/09/2022 20:06

For starters Dominoes do NOT accept cash payments these days ( not since Covid) but you have to pay with a card or PayPal at the time you order and not on delivery so your BIL was being a CF and devious in order to get you to pay half of the bill, which makes this so much much worse

Having said that sometimes when I go to my Son's he will cook ( he is an excellent cook) and sometimes we will have takeaways and I wouldn't dream of not contributing our share. But to be fair, it is usually us that phone and ask when it would next be convenient to go down and visit them (60 miles away) and he will usually ask if it's ok if we have a takeaway before we go. He doesn't ask if we will pay our half, but I guess he and I both know that if we are happy to have a takeaway we will pay our share . We have got caught out a couple of times though. But he is my son, they are struggling for cash and while we don't have a lot either we are better off than they are

The issue here is that you were actually invited to them for a meal and under those circumstances I wouldn't have expected to pay - but like your husband I would have offered.......and once that offer has been made, it may be taken up gratefully. As I say though, in this instance he was manipulated into it which makes your BIL a very CF

All I can suggest is that next time they invite you over check whether they are cooking or getting a takeaway and if it's the latter decline because you are 'a bit short of ready cash right now' - or alternatively don't check and when the sunject of a takeaway comes up tell them that you haven't got any cash with you?

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Ofcourseshecan · 05/09/2022 20:13

2bazookas · 04/09/2022 11:43

Last week we were travelling and contacted a very old and much loved friend who is 90 and physically frail but mentally still fiercely independent. We took her out to lunch at her favourite restaurant. She then invited us round to hers next day for a meal with one of her ancient pals. We all knew perfectly well she can no longer stand long enough to cook a meal; before I could think of a get-out excuse she added smoothly "Takeaway, of course".

She phone-ordered fish and chips from the local chippy and paid on her card; DH picked them up while I warmed the plates (" use the good china, of course") and set the dining room table with a cloth, napkins, silver. With the earlier connivance of her home help, there was tartare sauce and a bottle of champagne in the fridge and the flutes had been washed.

Fish and chips, bone china and linen with salt, vinegar, tartare and a glass of champagne. She has style.

I love it! Timeless style undiminished by age. That's what I wish for all of us.

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cannockcandy · 05/09/2022 20:48

My friend comes to my house at least once a week (obviously didn't during the pandemic) and I always cook but take turns to pay for the food we eat.
Next time don't host them!

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oreobiscitz · 05/09/2022 21:12

In dont think its ok to invite people over and serve dominoes. Yuck

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oreobiscitz · 05/09/2022 21:13

Unless it's a kids Birrhday

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Grrrrdarling · 05/09/2022 21:14

hittle · 04/09/2022 09:35

Invited to BIL and SIL for dinner last night, was organised last week. Was under the impression they would cook- asked us what sort of foods we do/don't like.

Turn up and they cba to cook so order dominoes. DH feels obliged to offer money, which they accept, and pays half.

AIBU to think that if you invite someone for dinner you either a) give a heads up that you're thinking takeaway and check the guests are happy to come given it's gonna cost them £25 or b) pay for whatever food you've chosen to put on?

BG; we have hosted them the last 10 times , literally, at least, due to building works at their place and have always cooked and at most they've bought a couple of beers... Which is fine as if I offer to host I expect to provide the food- but feel a bit peeved off about the reciprocal.

If they invite you they pay unless it is a pre arranged ‘everyone chips in’ type of meal but it was kind of your DH to offer to chip
in; they should have declined!
In future you either don’t put your hand in your pocket or lead by example & chip in.
Peoole will only take the pi55 when they are allowed to 😝

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oosha · 05/09/2022 21:53

That would be the last time I invited them to dinner and the last time I bothered accepting their invitation. It’s so rude to invite someone to dinner and then decide you can’t be bothered and order take out, and then it’s even ruder and taking the piss to expect your guests to pay half. Don’t care of it’s family or not.

I would be tempted to do the same to them, invite them, say you can’t be bothered, order pizza and ask them for half.

Unbelievably rude. I would be really annoyed.

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eastegg · 05/09/2022 22:34

Slight side issue OP but I’m intrigued. How long did their building works go on for and what were they having done? 10 visits to yours is an awful lot.

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RaRaRaspoutine · 05/09/2022 22:41

So what happened to the cash that dominoes didn’t take because it’s their policy to not take cash! Did your bil filch it?

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FartVandelay · 05/09/2022 22:52

I don't think the OP is coming back....

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wentworthinmate · 05/09/2022 22:58

I thought you paid when you ordered these days? Stops fake orders to address as a joke and obviously keeps the drivers safe. You were conned.

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SimonaRazowska · 05/09/2022 23:11

Do people still carry cash?

Does Dominoes still deliver without being paid first?

Is it still 2012?

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melj1213 · 06/09/2022 00:21

Cancel the fucking cheque, has anyone mentioned that Dominoes doesn't take cash yet?

I honestly wouldn't have been able to pay in your position because I just don't carry cash - I rarely even take my purse with me if I'm going to a friend or family's house, I just take my phone and keys and if I need to pay for anything (stop for a bottle of wine enroute or something) then I just use my phone/watch and pay via GooglePay.

In future if they ever invite you again then just leave your wallets at home so you can't offer/can genuinely say "Sorry, we thought you were cooking so didn't bring cash with us"

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mackthepony · 06/09/2022 00:23

This would drive me mad.

SIL is a champion at inviting us for dinner, then claiming she's not hungry, so we'll just have a cheeseboard

I mean wtf

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CantGetDecentNickname · 06/09/2022 00:43

Nothing to lose here - just ask them for the £25 back, with a "but you were hosting dinner, we just thought you were short at the time and we do need it back as it's left us short". Don't feel embarrassed as this is how they should feel and they are relying on you being too polite to say anything. Keep on mentioning it. If they stall, you can then ask why they needed cash anyway? Make it awkward for them since they were trying to scam you.

Or DH could have a word with his DB. Either way, never host them again and never offer to buy them a round or anything. Scamming your own family is pretty low. I wouldn't invite them again or bother going to theirs again.

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CoolerThanIceCream · 06/09/2022 02:52

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 04/09/2022 12:53

Are people being deliberately stupid here?

I assume he gave the cash to BiL and SiL rather than to the restaurant?

That asides, yes they should've said in advance.

Am I missing something?

The pizzas cost £50. BIL only had £25 and looked around expectantly when the delivery guy arrived at the door, so presumably they both gave delivery dude £25 each.

I mean, BIL may well have paid ahead of time, but this was is way of getting £25 out of the OP and her DH.

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pollyanna1962 · 06/09/2022 15:35

If that happened to us we wouldnt have any cash to pay, we are pretty much plastic only.

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phishy · 06/09/2022 16:03

we have hosted them the last 10 times , literally, at least, due to building works at their place and have always cooked and at most they've bought a couple of beers... Which is fine as if I offer to host I expect to provide the food- but feel a bit peeved off about the reciprocal.

Why on earth did you host them so often with zero reciprocation?

Fuck them, don’t invite them again. They probably think it’s your turn to host them.

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Jog569 · 06/09/2022 22:20

our local dominos accept cash!

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S72 · 18/04/2023 21:56

It's family. I'd just be happy to share the food and time with them. Contributing wouldn't bother me at all, unless I was struggling financially.

People get tired sometimes and takeaways happen. Not worth stressing over.

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BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 19/04/2023 00:47

FFS!

This thread is from last September!

Have you poisoned your inlaws yet OP?

Why the fuck did you resurrect it @S72?

What a load of bollocks.

What you said AND the whole thread!

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