AIBU to just let DD go to school with earrings in.

[PinkChaires]

School starts tomorrow and DD is saying that she will go to school her earrings in (not allowed). Now i dont agree that earrings shouldnt be allowed however they are the school rules. Ive said to her health and safety but she says that 1) my earrings are small and screw on- there is no chance of them falling off or getting caught on something. Tbh shes right- shes worn these earring from nursery right through primary school and there has never been an issue. 2) if its health and safety concerns why are the teachers wearing earrings. Shes right on this to- in events and parents evenings ive seen the teachers wear earrings/jewellery. Shes gotten phone calls home about this and got shouted at by the school but she says to me ' its a bit hard to take them seriously about the danger of earrings when they have like 5 earrings as well'. I cant get hett up about her wearing the earrings to school. Shes doing amazing in all other areas of school so far and this seems like a pointless rule
AIBU?

Yanbu its a pathetic rule, studs are in no way dangerous so no need to have the rule in the first place. It's just a rule for the sake of having a rule. Let her wear them.

Given she's had them in for years this winter happen in a week. She can wear them Fri night to Monday morning, so closing over isn't an issue.

nothing to stop her wearing them after school each night, overnight.

She can wear them but I wouldnt get into the arguments about it to be honest they are not valid.

They can be a health and safety issue in PE, which teachers don't participate in the same way. Teachers don't have to wear the uniform and never have so the fact that teachers wear them is irrelevant.

They probably are ok to wear if they are just small studs in all honesty but can you imagine having to sort out hundreds of girls and classify which earrings are and arent acceptable? They would start wearing bigger and bigger studs, higher and higher up the ear, and what about the bit between the lobe and the upper ear, where is the cut off, what about two tiny ones instead of one big one, etc etc...no one has time for all that shit. It's much easier to have a simple enforceable blanket rule of no earrings. If she wears them they might confiscate them and not give them back for a while (what happened to me when I wore some jewellery to a new school when I was a teen after coming from a school of no rules).

It's not a massive hardship to take them out before school and put them back in after surely

Seems fair enough. Let her learn the hard way.

I take her point. Some schools forget they’re there to educate. The mums in our school year challenged the school re swimming and the removal of earrings. They kept saying the DC had to take earrings out to go to the local pool, but half the kids had lessons at the local pool and this was not a pool rule at all! Head soon changed his tune when this was pointed out.

I get what she’s saying tbf. However, if she chooses to disobey the rules, let her face the consequences. But please don’t go running to the local paper with sad faces (there will be a few of those in APILN this week no doubt).

Ive decided she can face the consequences as shes being extremely stubborn. I shall be backing the school. I really dont want them to get lost but given shes very careful and hasnt gotten them lost in 8+ years i dont think very will. Problem is that she will likely not get into trouble as she will hide them with her hair or she will get told to take them out- they dont even ensure that she does!

If she loses them she loses them. That's her choice.

Some rules are irrational though and the school needs to listen and respond accordingly to the world we live in. At my DS's secondary school they have been having issues getting those who wear the school tartan skirt to keep it a the regulatory length - children just fold it at the top, ironically the tartan skirt was brought in to avoid this issue as the school skirt used to be any black one from high street shops. A teacher was pulling mainly girls aside and measuring it from the knees to where it fell and would give a detention if it was more than 3cm. There was outcry from parents about this and children with brightly coloured dyed hair being put in detention etc. So they did a parent survey and consulted with mental health professionals as many parents were arguing it was affecting there child's mental health which was particularly bad after the damage done to teenagers during the pandemic. As a result of these steps and listening to the parents loads of the rules have changed so any colour hair is allowed, shoes with logos on are allowed if they are black, earrings were always allowed but you can have another stud on the same ear or in your nose and the skirt is going to come in three different lengths.

It IS up to you. You’re the parent. You’re the adult.

If you want her to take them out you tell her that and she does so.

Oh I forgot about those. Sad face why can't my child wear Nike Airs

What's she going to do if she says no? Rip them out?

You sound like a nightmare parent to be honest.

At Y10 I'd let her do what she wants and face the consequences.

DS's school is similarly strictly on jewellery, hair, uniform, shoes.... he was considering not getting his haircut before the start of term, because he liked how long and curly it had got. My approach was "fine, but you know the rules and the consequences". He went to the barbers yesterday afternoon.

Christ , as if schools haven’t got enough on their plate
you are the parent , bloody parent her however hard that is
consequences can happen at home too

This is the only response needed.

Teachers do not do PE.
Students do.

This. All this thread reads is someone who daren'"t tell their dc to take their earrings out and handing the hassle over to school. As though schools don't have enough problems (genuine concerns and shit they don't need like this) to deal with...

Does she realise that if she's made to take them out and she loses them, there's nothing she can do about it?
School wont be responsible because she shouldn't have been wearing them in the first place and she'll have lost something seemingly so special to her due to her stubbornness

It's not worth arguing with teenagers over things like this. Let the school tell her to take them out if they have a problem with them. Are these just studs? No earrings seems like a bit of a pointless rule, what's wrong with studs? My opinion is that if schools make silly rules then they have to police them. At my DS school they introduced a rule saying hair counts be shorter than a grade 3 - ridiculous!

In an ideal world teachers wouldn’t be at breaking point, and so children should be able to make a stand against pointless bureaucracy and engage in debate.

Unfortunately, in the real world, teachers are understandably far beyond breaking point, are leaving the profession in droves, and a great number of them are personally suffering with huge amounts of stress.

It doesn’t feel fair to add to that strain for something so trivial.

She is y10. It's her battle to do. You have warned her of the consequences and it's now her decision to accept the consequences. Obviously if she keeps pushing the consequences could be more and, if repeatedly breaks it , could lead to detentions/exclusions.
My son wears trainers at school. I send him out in appropriate shoes and he swaps them on the way to school. He does have other issues but uniform brings him detentions etc, hes totally not bothered, and as long as it stays at school then I don't bring anything at home. If he gets excluded then we also have a home consequence.

Personally I do generally agree with those who've posted that if you don't like a rule send them elsewhere but you don't have that issue.

Teachers and pupils don't have the same rules . Does your child get the same rules as the adult at home? Generally not. It's the same for school. However when I was teaching we did have to tell a student teacher 5 pairs of creole earrings was a safety issue incase a child grabbed them (primary) so rules are sometimes applied.

For those saying it's a stupid rule, many secondary schools do allow a pair of studs, however when I was at school (y9) a couple of friends were being daft (not being rough) and one had her stud earring caught and pulled down through her lobe. The level of blood was scary! she needed some form of 'surgery' to fix it.

Me too.
If it is genuine H&S, for example, no earrings to be worn for PE, then I can accept that.
Likewise, no dangly earrings, because they could get caught on clothing, etc.
No earrings at all = rules for the sake of rules.

I'm the sort of arsey person that would absolutely challenge these petty rules and ask exactly what purpose they serve.

I also agree about teachers. If the pupils they instructors can't have earrings/dyed hair, then neither should teaching staff. They may be older and more responsible but of earrings and dyed hair are distracting, then they are putting the focus on the teacher and not their teaching, surely? 😁

She said they were given from her Grandmother, not that they were Grandmother's .

If they are her lucky earrings & have such a sentimental meaning attached to them, surely the best thing to do would be to take them out & keep them at home where they would be safe?

Her teachers have far bigger issues (especially around the cost of living crisis) to try & help their students navigate & support this term than one student who is stamping their feet about a pair of ruddy earrings. She’ll just be asked to remove them (risking her then losing them), or be sanctioned with other penalties. Detentions, demerits, whatever her school chose to use. They won’t give a fig if they’re lucky, sentimental, or we’re personally given to her by The Pope. It doesn’t matter.

It’s a school rule, no matter how absurd, she has to suck it up. She can wear them before school, after, at the weekends. But not in school. If she wants to change the rules, join the school council.

I wore a subtle helix piercing stud as a teacher, but then I wasn’t likely to fiddle with it, lose it, take it in & out depending on if I was going into PE, science or whatever, and wouldn’t pitch a shit fit if the backing fell off which then disrupts the bloody lesson.

Ive already said that these rules are petty and shouldnt really be in place but please please, 'mental health'?

Its affecting a child's mental health to be told not to dye their hair or have the wrong length skirt? Please do not undermine the seriousness of genuine mental health disorders with muddling up 'being pissed off that miss told me off' to depression, anxiety or psychosis.

Honestly is this where we've got to with trying to take seriously and recognise illness, its now turning into a parody.

And as an aside in respect to the rest of the thread, Im wondering where the narrative came from that if an adult isnt or is doing something, that is relevant to what a child is allowed to do

Adults are grown ups, they do have different rules and allowances, because,,,, erm, thats what it means to be an adult.