AIBU to just let DD go to school with earrings in.

[PinkChaires]

School starts tomorrow and DD is saying that she will go to school her earrings in (not allowed). Now i dont agree that earrings shouldnt be allowed however they are the school rules. Ive said to her health and safety but she says that 1) my earrings are small and screw on- there is no chance of them falling off or getting caught on something. Tbh shes right- shes worn these earring from nursery right through primary school and there has never been an issue. 2) if its health and safety concerns why are the teachers wearing earrings. Shes right on this to- in events and parents evenings ive seen the teachers wear earrings/jewellery. Shes gotten phone calls home about this and got shouted at by the school but she says to me ' its a bit hard to take them seriously about the danger of earrings when they have like 5 earrings as well'. I cant get hett up about her wearing the earrings to school. Shes doing amazing in all other areas of school so far and this seems like a pointless rule
AIBU?

I can understand in a primary school where there's more chance of them being accidentally ripped out, but a school not allowing studs for a year 10 is bloody weird. That said unfortunately it will set her up for a life of following often arbitrary rules in the work place so I would encourage her to remove them but ultimately the choice is hers, if she receives a (ridiculous) punishment then on her head be it.

Ugh. Don't be the parent who gets the reputation on day one of "doesn't care/can't read/doesn't think rules apply to her precious angel."

You're the adult here.

If DD refuses, the consequences are on her in terms of punishment at school. But you'll still end up tarnished by it.

Theres a cohort at our school who are “edgy” constantly pushing boundaries about jewellery, footwear, hair but often slide under the radar because they are in the top grade boundaries. Utter shock when they started getting sanctions. If there are rules then they are equitable.
And my favourite riposte to the “why don’t you have to wear uniform?” Is I think that’s a great idea, save me having to think what to wear everyday.

I’d make her take them out. If you don’t agree with the school rules find another school for her. They are a H&S issue, particularly in PE .

YABU.

we had my daughters ears pierced this summer (she goes into year 6 tomorrow) because our first choice of school for next year has a no earrings uniform policy so we wanted her to have plenty of healing time first (her current school has a one-pair-of-studs only rule).

I agree that the screw-on fronts/flat back types are very safe compared to the old butterfly backs but rules are rules and the uniform policy is published in advance.

you can’t compare teachers to kids because teachers a) are of legal age to weigh you their own risks and b) teachers aren’t actively participating in the same things as the kids are.

It’s healthy for teenagers to push boundaries, much better it’s about uniform or earrings than something that could actually be dangerous or detrimental to them or others.

I'd just take them out, however, if we were taking about having to wear blazers in summer this is one rule I'd like completely relaxing.

If nothing else, do it for her form tutor, who will have to add 'phone x parent about uniform infringement ' to their list of after school phonecalls.
4 form phonecalls for uniform/equipment
1 for that kid in p3 who needed to be sent out
1 for the kid in p5 who skived your lesson.

This. School rules provide an inocuous outlet for rebellion!

Somewhere in the last decade or so MN seems to have been overrun by Vicky Pollard's. And they reproduce and encourage their children to be the same. Joy.

Then they say things like this aint worth arguing about with a teenager, let the school deal with it.

We literally have training that includes the fact that we might be the only people in a child's life who sets a positive example of appropriate behaviour and considering others and that therefore regardless of how rude or offensive a child is to us we need to keep modelling politeness, consideration, etc. So then it is entirely down to us to try and help this young person to become employable, which they never will be if they can't consider other people, take accountability for their own actions, be 'bothered' to deal with things etc.

Exactly, this is reasonable, no earrings at all including small studs is not reasonable, school should adjust policy especially if they are not enforcing / cant enforce this anyway. I went to school in the 80's and even we were allowed to wear studs then, just no dangles or hoops, cover or take out studs for PE. I cant remember any incidents involving caught earrings or ripped ears. Kids can wear them and lose them at their own risk. No school takes responsibility for lost valuables anyway.

If you want to develop critical thinking skills, ask your daughter to explain in detail with evidence why she thinks school rules don’t apply to her.

if she says they do, but she doesn’t choose to comply with the rule, ask her to explain why she chooses to be socially deviant in the context of school.

You see, I think this is very childish behaviour, not a teenage attempt at maturity. If she wants to be all grown up at 15 and make her own decisions, then she shouldn’t even consider using ‘all the other girls do it’ as an excuse. It doesn’t matter whether or not she gets caught or punished. A mature, intelligent person does the right thing because it’s right, and then challenges things they disagree with through the proper channels.

Thank you. When that list is quite long enough already without having to argue with Mrs Vicky Pollard about why their dd has to follow school rules. Then phone the next one to point out that yes it really is a school rule not to have 6 inch acrylic claws attached to their fingers etc.

Honestly. Inconsiderate parents = inconsiderate kids = more work for everyone (except the person whose actual job it is) = less time and attention and patience for those kids who do do the right things etc etc.

They should 'ave stricter rules innit and consequences what make the kids do as they're told at school! Err when you can't even get your own child to take out her earrings? No irony at all.

I know one school who banned all earrings after a child took their studs out for PE (their choice, they didn't insist studs were removed) dropped one on the floor and one of the next class (I know the child) trod on the earring which went into their foot. There was a lot of blood and an operation to get out the end which broke off in the foot.

Before that they were very relaxed about earrings-as long as they were studs they didn't care. After that it was strictly no earrings at all.

So there can be a reason for a rule rather than just them deciding on a whim.

I don’t think the OP is siding with her daughter, but it does sound as if she absolved herself from the responsibility of dealing with a teenager who is flouting the rules. It smacks of ‘I’ve told her, but she won’t listen, so the school will deal with it.’

It may be a petty rule, but it is the rule nevertheless and if you don’t like it there are choices. If you don’t want to wear a Tesco or Sainsbury’s uniform, don’t get a job there.

How does having small stud earrings relate to any of that?

and then challenges things they disagree with through the proper channels.

Exactly. Encourage her to creste a petition and canvas signatures from the other students and work towards having have the rules changed for all, but don’t encourage her to go in as she pleases (and get sent straight home with all the other kids who flouted the uniform rules on the first day of term).

and definitely don’t encourage a pouty local newspaper photo shoot.

Let her challenge stupid rules. I would bet they don't even know why they have such a rule other than for the sake of having one.
As for the theory it's good practice to abide by rules as if they get a job in a kitchen then they'll need to wear a hairnet - well that's a pile of crap too. A hairnet in a food production environment is an easily justifiable and understandable rule - not something arbitrary.

So would you let your child wear a nose stud, bright pink hair or a very short skirt?
Where would it end?

Some schools choose to have a ban piercings for health and safety reasons but some choose to do it for other reasons.

A uniform is there to ensure every child is treated equally, regardless of how much money their parents earn.

A school makes rules for whatever reason it chooses.

If you don’t like the rules, then find another school that fits with your beliefs.

If you can’t find one, then homeschool.

But whatever you do, don’t encourage your child to break a rule knowing that you as a parent won’t suffer the consequences - as that is shit parenting.

It would be a mistake to wear the sentimental ones. What if she’s told to take them out and they get confiscated and subsequently lost?

my dd is going into y10 and allowed to wear earrings. It seems quite strict not to be allowed.

Oh l love a parent who truly believes the rules don't apply to them!

I know one school who banned all earrings after a child took their studs out for PE (their choice, they didn't insist studs were removed) dropped one on the floor and one of the next class (I know the child) trod on the earring which went into their foot. There was a lot of blood and an operation to get out the end which broke off in the foot.

When I was a teen my school banned them as we were stupidly piercing each other’s ears with needles and those that didn’t have it done felt pressured to do so.

One girl had it done and hid it from her parents, and it led to an infection and sepsis and I remember the air ambulance taking her from school.

And because they didn’t know for certain who had pierced ears or not and because I guess of the peer pressure to have it done by your ‘mate’ - the school banned all of them completely.

There’s always a reason for a rule, no matter how silly it may seem.

Christ sake 😂😂😂

Ahh you are of "those" mums...

🙄

School rules provide an inocuous outlet for rebellion!*

Oh eff off with your lazy parenting. Teachers are not there for this purpose. It would also appear that you can't spell so the time wasted rebelling was not perhaps as harmless as supposed.

Given by deceased grandma

**They always are. Sigh.