AIBU to just let DD go to school with earrings in.

[PinkChaires]

School starts tomorrow and DD is saying that she will go to school her earrings in (not allowed). Now i dont agree that earrings shouldnt be allowed however they are the school rules. Ive said to her health and safety but she says that 1) my earrings are small and screw on- there is no chance of them falling off or getting caught on something. Tbh shes right- shes worn these earring from nursery right through primary school and there has never been an issue. 2) if its health and safety concerns why are the teachers wearing earrings. Shes right on this to- in events and parents evenings ive seen the teachers wear earrings/jewellery. Shes gotten phone calls home about this and got shouted at by the school but she says to me ' its a bit hard to take them seriously about the danger of earrings when they have like 5 earrings as well'. I cant get hett up about her wearing the earrings to school. Shes doing amazing in all other areas of school so far and this seems like a pointless rule
AIBU?

Then maybe the teachers should concentrate on what they are paid to do which is to educate not stand there analysing every single pupil for minor uniform infractions!

All these made up 'dangers' and what if's are total bollocks - other schools the world over permit earrings and don't have half the school wandering about with shredded and missing ears from having them ripped out.

Let her challenge stupid rules. I would bet they don't even know why they have such a rule other than for the sake of having one.
As for the theory it's good practice to abide by rules as if they get a job in a kitchen then they'll need to wear a hairnet - well that's a pile of crap too. A hairnet in a food production environment is an easily justifiable and understandable rule - not something arbitrary.

Also, if it is a particular teacher who is regularly shouting at and picking her up for them (when it is clear she is going to continue wearing them) she should play the harassment & bullying card on them

Its an all girls state school

Schools really cannot win. There was a recent thread in Secondary Ed about a school which was introducing very harsh sanctions for bringing phones, AirPods, smart watches etc into school. Cue lots of posts about how parents would be ‘straight down the school’ and involving the police if the school were to follow through on their word.

I do agree with pp that banning all earrings is an unusually harsh rule. Most secondary schools allow a single pair of studs.

Hi op, I'm a teacher and I think the school sounds a bit all over the place with such a strict rule but zero enforcement of it. All schools have frustrating rules that the teachers don't always agree with, it's normal. Teenagers like to rebel and if wearing some plain studs is the worst thing your daughter is doing then I would say you've done a great job! I think you are right at 15 she probably needs to start owning her decisions and accepting the consequences. She seems to have weighed up that school probably won't do much so it's worth the risk. If they put her in lunchtime detention every day then she'd probably stop wearing them. You sound like the sort of parent who despite disagreeing with the rule would back the school up in this situation and that's all schools can ask for really. Hopefully, in return they would listen to student voice as well. I cannot believe the pp who said that having to wear a certain skirt length was impacting their dc's mental health, what a load of twaddle, I would not want to work in a school with parents like that.

I’d just tell my daughter to take the ear-rings out. The rules apply to everyone, teenage daughters too.

If the school rule is no earings she needs to take the, out. Or you need to find a different school.

It’s so very rare to see good advice like this, anywhere….it’s true, this is excellent advice

It's a silly rule, but it's a rule.

It would be better to support her to start a formal campaign to get the rule changed. She could start by writing a letter to the head to state her case either
•why the rule shouldn't apply to her
or
•why the rule should be amended or abolished

She could get everyone else who would like to wear earrings to do the same, or to sign a petition.
She'd gain much more respect from the staff than she would by simply disobeying the rules, even if she doesn't win her case.

Adults yes, 15 yr old, no

Why do you want your child to start the new year with a trivial challenge?
Do you see teachers as 'the enemy' to be inconvenienced at every turn?
Why be a teacher?

A day? You’ve had 15 years.

You’re a lazy parent and are passing the issue onto teachers. I really wish schools had tougher consequences for this sort of rubbish, it wastes so much teaching time. And yes, it’s your job as a parent to step in on things like this. It’s weird that you think it’s a teens job to push boundaries but not a parents job to keep boundaries in place. You’re a lazy parent and that’s resulted in you having a 15 year old with a lack of respect for you and the school.

"So far punishments have been to take it out and on one occasion get shouted at which she was not fazed by. She says most of the girls wear earring and just hide them."

You are setting her up and giving your silent consent for her to rebel against the school rules and teachers. Next thing you know it will be "she says most of the girls smoke, do drugs, drink alcohol, have sex. and just hide them" so its ok

You hardly think the teachers WANT to spend time on things like this? Teachers don’t set the rules in a school but they are instructed to enforce them. Seems to me that teachers these days have to spend more time on students’ misbehaviours than on actual teaching. Wouldn’t be a teacher in a million years.

My friend actually contacted the school and told them that her DD was wearing earrings trying to hide them under her hair and school obviously stopped her at the gate.

I think the inconsistency of rule breaking punishments is what would piss me off most. There should be clear consequences.

At my school you were allowed studs but one per ear and nothing else. We had a girl in our year who wore small hoops, back then the boys all had those Head bags with studs on the bottom. One boy swung that bag onto his shoulder, caught her earring and ripped it straight out of her ear. Every year they would name her and the boy who also broke school rules as bags were not to be carried on shoulders as an example of why rules exist.

Play the harassment and bullying card on them ? @user1471447863 that level of stupidity is mind-blowing

Although every child should push boundaries, it becomes a simple question. Do you want her to be able to hold down a job or not? Most employers will just give up on an unruly teenager who won't conform to rules just because she doesn't agree with them. You are a parent and with that comes the requirement to parent them. A School is not a mate's house, it's a child's workplace. If you are unable to parent, then don't expect your child to act anything but childish, rule your house, never move out, never grow up.

This is what annoys me. If he as ok see o he have a teen going into year 10. They have had 3 years in high school, they should already understand the consequences of not following rules. By year 10 they should fully understand what the rules are for the school. Far to much time is taken up in the first few days for rule breakers when they should be teaching. It annoys other students and teachers. My teen is 14 and definitely knows that when I say no that's final, I fail to see why yours doesn't.

100% this ^
As if the teachers don’t have enough to do without dealing with entitled, mardy children.

And your daughter’s point about teachers wearing earrings really isn’t that clever. The teachers don’t wear uniform either so why doesn’t your daughter wear whatever she likes too? No health and safety issue so what’s the problem, right?!
🙄

It is just crazy that she's taking such precious items into school. I'll sure if she has to remove them and they're lost, she'll be the first to blame the school. It's really up to you to make sure this doesn't happen.

It's also disappointing she is unfazed if reprimanded by an authority figure. I find it really hard to believe she is doing 'amazing' at school with that attitude.

so thats why she wants to wear them so much

She needs to learn that is not one rule for her and another for everyone else.

Let her face the consequences. A detention or two should help.

But seriously, teachers don't have the time to be deal with petty crap like this. Let them focus on teaching.

I'd let her keep them in

Whilst it's a silly rule, I can see not wanting dangly earrings/hoops in school but a small stud, not too sure what a small, plain stud is going to do.

But it's the rules. So she either follows them or faces the consequences of not.

You should be telling her, you know you are breaking school rules, but I can also see that you can't pin a 15 year old down and forcibly remove a eating from each ear, so you are stuck in a way.

Also, in encouraging her to consider her own position as the same as a teacher's, you're teaching her to be a disingenuous brat with no critical thinking skills. Why aren't you pointing out that teachers don't wear uniform, don't do PE? It sounds like you're rather enthralled by your daughter but not everyone will find her so amazingly clever.

This thread and the attitudes in it are the exact reason why schools haven’t progressed much, and will continue to stagnate. We can’t let our kids be themselves, and expect more out of them than the adults in our society.

Who cares about stud earrings?? It’s a nonsensical rule, and entirely different to CHOOSING a job that will require a hairnet for health and safety reasons. I bet that job still allows studs too. It’s a pathetic rule and entirely arbitrary.