To still live my best life even though I’m fat

[Whatyagonnadokatie]

Many mnetters hate fat people. They dress it up as concern for health. But I think it’s something deeper than that. Something about us letting ourselves lose self discipline or something. Some people even seem to think that we shouldn’t have nice clothes (let me tell you, no one purposely gains weight to wear some lovely plus size clothes).

reading some threads on here break my heart when women dread going to social events because they are fat.

aibu to say, fuck that, get on with your life and be happy even if you are fat. Wear the nice clothes, go to all the social events. And hey, eat the biscuit if you really want to

Dream that’s awful weirdly we have exactly the same stats and no one says I’m overweight- we are in normal bmi?

I was bmi 27 and got to bmi 23 and thought that was pretty good! At 48 I have to accept I’m not going to be girlishly slim anymore as I have a sweet tooth and like my wine but exercise loads.

Go out and live it up @Whatyagonnadokatie

Oh do shut up the pair of you
Utterly pathetic

This!!
Everyone is just living their own life with their own ideas and thoughts. People comfortable in their own skins laugh off comments, whether it’s fat or slim shaming.
It is when people have issues with their self esteem that people get upset and feel judged. They only way this will change is by truly loving who we are.

I'm fat, size 20. I like my body much more now than when I was anorexic and existing on tea, cigarettes and amphetamine. People use to tell me I looked amazing and even then I'd think, But I'm dying of it.

I've been a normal weight and still thought I was fat and wouldn't wear nice clothes. I used to cry in front of the mirror at size bloody 12.

Then I lost my thyroid and got very ill with sepsis, and stopped being obsessed with how I looked, and started cooking all the recipes I collected obsessively when I was anorexic, and now I'm fat. I work a physical job, I walk everywhere I can, I work in my allotment, I run. I wear what the hell I want as long as it's decent and suits me. I don't eat junk food, I cook from scratch (I just eat a lot) and really, fuck it. If people don't like it they don't have to look at me.

I think people hate fat people being unapologetically happy because of the lies we were sold. Fat women are supposed to be unhappy, miserable, unloved, unkempt and so forth so when people who've hitherto been keeping themselves thin at the price of unhappiness and being strict with everything it seems so worthless when they see that a fat woman can have all the good things and still be fat.

Should you go out and live your life regardless of your size? Absolutely. You don’t need anyone here to tell you that. That goes for everyone, whatever they look like. You can’t limit your life because of other peoples judgements.

Do people ‘hate’ fat people? I think there are some grim, misogynistic men who do. And some very unhealthily body conscious women who probably do. But mostly, no. It’s not a desirable state for most people in Western societies, as in very few people want to be or would be happy to be fat. So those feelings undoubtedly will be projected on to fat people in different ways and you’ll feel aware of them.

I don't hate fat people and my concern for health is genuine. It's not when you die, it's how you live before you die. Obesity can be the difference between having an independent, enjoyable old age or being plagued by weight-related illnesses and conditions which will ultimately limit your independence and ability to take care of yourself.

But yeah, dress it up as fat phobia if you like.

Get out and live to your max!
It makes life more fun
Active living is good for you

I don't want to be overweight because I don't want a heart attack in my late 40s and dead in my early 50s like my dad.
I also find that when I gain weight, I feel slow, less energetic and chaffe easily. Life is more comfortable for managing my weight, but that's my body and my health.

I had a huge pregnancy bump and EMCS so while I remain around a healthy zone, I have got handfuls of saggy, crinkly flesh hanging off my abodomen. I initially resented that abrupt change in my body but decided that my bikini days were not over and I was not going to hide away my crimpline belly for the rest of my days. I prefer to celebrate and enjoy what my body can do for me than get hung up on what society may think about its "flaws"

We'll never get through life without attracting some kind of stupid judgemental comments so we may as well crack on with what suits us.

@Vallmo47
I know, right? I wish I was eating all the biscuits! Or had enjoyed some great meals to show for the weight gain. But I'm eating far less as I have a reduced appetite because, you know, slowed metabolism! It really is shit.

I humbly submit that MN can be poisonous to many sorts of people. Just see any thread where someone defends their decision to decline covid vaccine / mammogram / cervical screening. Or the vile spewed at cyclists. Half the "should I go to A&E I'm not sure" have at least a few sharp comments in them. Any "I'm not sure about my driving decisions" thread attracts nastiness. And don't dare be an OW. I think those groups get a lot more poison than the merely fat (most MNers probably qualify as fat, anyway).

Being fat or whatever, isn't it like having a mental health issue or a child with challenges, or any other set of (potential) problems? You find a way to make the best of life, of course you should.

@Dragonsmother Correlation does not = causation

When I was younger, I socialised a lot. all the time. Loads of friends. The more the merrier

Now I'm older, with a family, less energy, other caring commitments, less inclined to make the effort with flaky friends, and lost my enthusiasm for socialising when we were told it was dangerous due to Covid

So, I have lost touch with people, certainly. But please believe me, it's nothing to do with their weight

@kinderbuenonomnom
actually those of us suffering from a thyroid condition feel the cold a lot more despite gaining weight so you might want to rethink that one

I have a beautiful friend who's always been fat. I have never hated her for being fat. Like I say, she's beautiful! However, I have genuinely been concerned for her health. She eats terribly - I was with her when she bought a large box of donuts and a Victoria sponge and ate it all in one afternoon. She does this frequently. She's just turned 40 and has been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, very high blood pressure and high cholesterol. She also suffers from knee pain and a bad back because of her weight. I don't want her to lose weight to look better because to me she looks lovely. However I do want her to be healthy and not die an early death. It's simply because I love her and care about her. Nothing to do with "hating fat people".

If I could kindly direct you to the person who originally said it bashing skinny Minnie's, that would be great...

Tell her to rethink it. Ta.

@dottiedodah
And the added advantage of not feeling the cold like the skinny Minnie's.how much warmer we will be!

Totally unnecessary post but sure, you crack on.

I don't think people "hate" fat people. That's very victimy. I think they get tired of people complaining about their weight and it always being someone else's fault that the person does nothing about it.

I’m one of those people who is ‘obsessed’ with what they eat and how they exercise.

I have been overweight. When I was overweight, I ate too much and although I thought I was fit because I walked long distances and went to the gym, I never truly exerted myself.

Now I’m in the best physical shape I’ve ever been in. I can run and cycle for days. I feel incredible, my mental health is the best it’s ever been. I have so much energy all the time now. So I’m ‘obsessed’ because I want to power my body properly and keep this feeling. I adore food, if I let myself eat all that I wanted to, I’d be huge. I don’t starve myself, I just had two M&S croissants with jam for breakfast (weekend treat) and I’ll go out for lunch later. But I’ll also carefully meal plan and shop for the rest of the week. If I want a bowl of crisps or ice cream, I’ll have it, but I’ll usually weigh it. I value my health and I want to be healthy for as long as I can.

I don’t give a toss what other people look like, and I’d never dare make any kind of comment to anyone I know who is overweight. Yet the number of people who feel it’s ok to comment that I’m ‘wasting away’ or that I’m totally batshit for exercising as much as I do.

I personally think it’s a shame that people waste their lives being unfit and unhealthy when it’s in their power to make changes, especially when they vocalise that they are unhappy about it. But again, it’s not my body or my life, so I just keep quiet in real life. Mumsnet is a forum to share opinions, so I am doing it here, in hopefully a polite and respectful way, but perhaps others will take it differently.

@chutzpahchick I guess what some are saying is that we should be happy whatever size we are and own it, regardless of reason for being the size we are. The problem with that is shown very clearly with the amount of emotion this thread has caused, however. People DO feel judged and they DO feel self conscious. Everyone has a story. If that’s not okay, to share things that upset you from time to time, fuck me, I won’t bother with people anymore. Where’s the compassion for others?? Bottomline is if you’re not happy with the size you are, it IS shit. The majority of people aren’t happy, slim or fat. Very often slim people are even harder on themselves than fat people. Anyway, rant over. I totally get where you’re coming from and you’re entitled to feel how you feel. :)

Go for it op

but then don’t complain about the NHS.

If only it was that simple OP.

I completely agree that people should be able to go out and enjoy themselves and have fun no matter their size but getting there in your own head is a different story.

Absolutely if you want to experience hate - be a cyclist!

I think it depends how fat someone is. There’s a level of largeness that can’t possibly be any fun to live with (think My 600lb Life) but if you’re nowhere near that then live your life the way you want to and enjoy it. There are shops that stock larger sizes in nice clothes so there’s no reason why you can’t look lovely just as you are 🙂

If you're happy, whatever size that is then good for you. As long as you are not struggling to walk and you can complete daily activities then it does matter. Women used to be pressured to be slim but now it seems, there is no pressure or judgement. I don't think either of these views are healthy, you can be too skinny and you also can be too fat but there's such a big middle range.

I think this 100% if u live in diet culture u have to dislike fat bodies because it makes what ur doing by dieting worth while , if u didn't then why would u go through the stress of dieting . I am fat I've been all different sizes from 12 to 22 and I was treated Completely differently at 12 compared to now , I am out of the diet culture now and learning to eat initiatively finally. I don't nessasery belive being fat is Completely healthy but also don't believe being slim is the goal anymore. I just living and now exercising because I love it not because I feel I need to. We have been conditioned since children to dislike fat bodies and aspire to thinness . I started slimming world as a teenager. Then weight watchers in 20s. I really hope diets are really shown what they actually are incredibly toxic.