To still live my best life even though I’m fat

[Whatyagonnadokatie]

Many mnetters hate fat people. They dress it up as concern for health. But I think it’s something deeper than that. Something about us letting ourselves lose self discipline or something. Some people even seem to think that we shouldn’t have nice clothes (let me tell you, no one purposely gains weight to wear some lovely plus size clothes).

reading some threads on here break my heart when women dread going to social events because they are fat.

aibu to say, fuck that, get on with your life and be happy even if you are fat. Wear the nice clothes, go to all the social events. And hey, eat the biscuit if you really want to

Obesity is complex, but it is also now normal. Two-thirds of UK adults are overweight (fat) and around a quarter are obese. So it’s quite hard to imagine that two-thirds of people are feeling judged and embarrassed all the time.

It's seen as 'desirable' to be skinny. That's the difference.

Once my son was born I really got my arse into gear. Was at a theme park and I noticed how many obese parents had obese children and I didn't want that for my boy so realised my lifestyle had to change. I can't expect him to be active when he sees his parents living couch potatoes. Being healthier and fitter has made me so much happier which in turn has made me a better parent than I otherwise would have been.

I do find the 'fatism' here on mumsnet is 100% reflected in the real world.

I know quite a few people who think fat/obese people are scum, lazy and greedy, and think they are lesser as people.

When I was obese I was definitely aware of judgement but now I'm slim and actually witness these awful comments, I shudder. The judgement is very real and quite common. :(

Except that in a manority of cases, death will come sooner, as will heart disease, laying down of fat around other organs, type 2 diabetes, immobility, inability to catch breath in the heat...
Now, I will be shot down in flames by those who say this is generalisation, and they are/ know a large person who goes to gym 8 days a week or who runs miles every day, and yes, some will be fit, just as some slim people get heart disease.
But ask a health care professional if they think just flaunting it regardless is a good thing, and ask how much these ,ong-term conditions cost the taxpayer
and despite more body confidence etc, it remains a sad fact of life that people are human, and do judge each other on a host of parameters, size bring one such parameter

Making disparaging comments about someone’s size because of it’s perceived desirability is still not ok.

And what do you mean by skinny anyway?

I lost weight and got very fit and the comments I got for being ‘so skinny’ were unbelievable. My BMI was in the normal range, near the higher end even, but I was very muscular and toned. I wasn’t skinny at all I was strong and fit, yet the comments about ‘being thin’ and ‘losing too much’ happened the time!

And it was always from people bigger than me (and bigger than I was before I started which wasn’t that big tbh).

The only comments I ever see about bodies (big or small) are from bigger women themselves- makes sense really given that 2/3 of us here in UK are overweight or obese.

People, all people should stop commenting on other peoples bodies!

Im 5ft 6, I weight 10st 4 and have a BMI of 23.4.

I’m not overweight but over the last two weeks I’ve had a colleague put her hand on my stomach and congratulate me on having another baby (I’m not pregnant) and I have also had a doctor tell me that I need to lose some weight in order to “help myself” in relation to a knee injury I got last week.

Both of those comments made me feel shit about my appearance.

A month ago I was at work and I overheard some male members of staff joking talking about which staff members they would date and apparently I’m “borderline too big” so was cast off their list. They are utter arseholes in general so I wasn’t surprised by their conversation and if I didn’t feel on the verge of crying I would have confronted them.

I hate the way we feel so judged by our weight and appearance and how we allow the comments of others to make us feel so unhappy about ourselves.

We should all be living out best life so if you’ve got the strength to say FUCK ‘EM then go and do what makes you happy and don’t look back.

So it's OK to judge slim people then? Stop with the body shaming, of ALL types.

I believe the body positive movement does nothing to help fat people. People should be at a healthy weight for so many reasons.

I don’t think most posters “hate” fat people - I think that’s a little strong. However a lot of posters struggle to imagine that fatter people can be attractive to other people. You see it expressed indirectly in posts like “ why doesn’t he want sex with me” in which they will say “ I’ve kept myself slim” or similar words. You also see posters affronted that their ex is now with someone larger and which is presumably downgrading. ( double whammy if the new girlfriend is older too). So slimness is seen as a very primary factor of attractiveness more than other characteristics like personality.

This is absolutely true. There’s a lot of “men prefer slimmer women” on here.

OP if anyone makes you feel bad for being fat then I agree, f##k them!! But a lot of posters aren't dressing up comments to be about health - they are genuine. I say that as someone that lost 50 pounds (& some people lose far more). It changed my life because my health issues (apart from IBS) disappeared, I have truckloads more energy, my mental health is better, I can participate in more activities and I just have a much happier life! Yet before I didn't realise I was losing out on much. Sometimes that's where the concern comes from!

I am doing it! I am living my life and I do not care about my size! Or appearance any more.
Just trying to keep healthy by ealking and exercise. And watching cakes and biscuits, but only because of health, not for the calories.

It's funny how people see MN differently, and clearly open different threads

Because I don't see posts of the kind OP and others describe. I see loads where even the most carefully worded suggestion that being in the healthy weight range could be a good thing absolutely howled at for fat shaming.

Mentioning that we're in an obesogenic society is nigh on taboo

And recognising that fat and obese DC probably need better portion control (by the parents, the DC knowing nothing about it) is castigated as eating disorder risk

When I was a size 8 my life was full of friends, parties and social activities. As I got bigger my circle got smaller. The invitations stopped, my nights out became nights in.

just to add a serious illness and several major surgeries caused me to pile on the weight.

On SM I see friends nights out and the only person missing from our circle is me. Sometimes I ask myself if I done something or said something, other times my DH tells me they were never my real friends.

Being fat has changed a lot of my life. Am I happy? I resent my friends and I don’t actually speak to them much. But I am glad to see life through my fat eyes as it’s taught me alot.

Being fat doesn’t stop you living your “best life” however it does limit your life. Speaking as an ex fatty who was 21/22 stone and is now a healthy size 12 I could never go back to being overweight again.

You aren’t living your best life if you are struggling to walk upstairs, get out of breath doing day to day tasks and have health ailments relating to your weight.

Dragons are you saying every single friend dropped you because you gained weight? All of them? You are no longer friends?

If so, that is so incredibly shocking.

And out of curiosity, how old are you and yours friends?

Everybody should feel comfortable in their own skin, and even slim people sometimes don't. Most of the time we feel personally judged but it's all in our heads and our own self esteem issues. The reality is if you walk down the street no one takes a blind bit of notice of you the majority of the time.

99% of "fat hating" comments aren't aimed at any one person, but people take them very personally and lash out the the "skinny minnies" and "competitive undereaters" because their own feelings got hurt.

MN is an anonymous sounding board that goes both ways. It is tiresome to read all the excuses about why people "can't" lose weight or worrying about being too big for a plane seat or theme park ride. Losing the weight won't fix deep seated self esteem issues but equally it's your own brain if you feel judged or not, it's no one else's fault. Too often it's a comfortable excuse, "someone on a forum hurt my feelings with a comment not even directed at me so I have to eat this to feel better and that's why I can't lose weight".

Own your weight and be happy. You are responsible for your feelings about what other people do (or don't) think.

It is impossible to have enjoyed every mouthful of food you’ve ever eaten - that’s just incredible defensive hyperbole.

And why oh why are big people on here saying they don’t care about their size?

Why not? Why don’t you care about the really rather important thing that is your entire body? I don’t believe it tbh.

I am, quite literally, as fat as butter. My BMI is 37, I’ve always been overweight but my weight has soared due to some post covid complications. I’m starting to get on top of things now (I’ve stopped putting on weight, which makes a nice change!) but do now need to make some efforts to lose weight as I’ve now got the joys of peri-diabetes to deal with.
however I refuse to make my life just about me being fat - my brother is overweight and on a recent hot holiday would not get into the pool or the sea - I literally DNGAF - sorry to the fat shamers, you’ll have to suffer the sight of my pale wobbly thighs in a swimsuit because im not missing out on swimming! I walk, I used to ride horses until I pitched over the weight limit for my 18h tank (she’s also hit retirement age and is now a paddock pet grass eating machine) and above all else I treat myself with kindness (and nice clothes).

yes im making efforts to lose some weight for my health - I will have better outcomes if I get that BMI down to a more sensible level - but I refuse to put myself in purdah until I look let a set acceptable standard….

Regardless of size you should live your life. Because the UK average is around 14/16 these days most people equate average to healthy. It’s not.

Plus the amount of shaming and judgement some very healthy weighted people get be abuse they are ‘skinny’ seems to be on the rise and gets treated trivially. I’m guessing it’s partly down to jealousy.

I don’t have the best relationship with food. I am overweight I know it’s not healthy and I struggle with it. Body positivity is a good thing but not when it goes to far an promotes fat as healthy, it’s just not

yes im making efforts to lose some weight for my health - I will have better outcomes if I get that BMI down to a more sensible level - but I refuse to put myself in purdah until I look let a set acceptable standard

Who asked you to?
Who told you that you shouldn’t swim?
Why do you think people even care?

And well done on your efforts so far btw! Stopping the gain is an important first step to achieving a healthy weight, which many people ignore.

Comments like this is why I lack any empathy for people who are overweight.

@chutzpahchick I’m glad someone pulled the poster on that comment because I was on medication for many years that caused nearly a 4 stone weight gain and it was fucking horrendous. I do not mean this rudely but at least if I’m going to gain that amount of weight I want to be eating whatever the hell I like in a “sod it” attitude. Instead I was calorie counting, weighing every portion, exercising and crying my eyes out at still gaining. To think that there might be one or two assholes out there judging me for sharing a very private journey that hugely dented my self esteem - wow, simply wow.

All I’ve learned from this thread is that we need to stop judging each other for superficial reasons, full stop. I have managed to lose the weight now (2.5 years of hell), but you know what? I actually get comments now saying I look ill and they preferred me before. 😂 That’s not acceptable either btw. I don’t want to be told how to look full stop.

This thread was created in good intention but many of the comments have then become hurtful, sadly.

A former friend of mine was heavily overweight and the best dressed woman I've probably ever known - she wore lots of colourful, expensive clothing, beautifully accessorised, nails, tan, makeup, gorgeous hair - expensively cut and coloured, she was living her best fat life and the furthest thing from a wall flower you could imagine.

We had many interests in common and holidayed to some lovely places together.

Sadly she was also a complete bitch so we're no longer friends.

Cuts both ways sometimes. I was very, very thin until I hit 40. Think 5"6 and less than 8 stone despite eating 3 meals a day. For genetic reasons; I am Asian and we are all built this way in the family. I was constantly called "anorexic" ( I wasn't), bulimic, flat chested, told to eat a pizza, etc etc. Had various humiliating nicknames.

Now DD is very, very thin and called anorexic, bulimic, told to eat a burger, and told to get surgery. She has various humiliating nicknames.