To still live my best life even though I’m fat

[Whatyagonnadokatie]

Many mnetters hate fat people. They dress it up as concern for health. But I think it’s something deeper than that. Something about us letting ourselves lose self discipline or something. Some people even seem to think that we shouldn’t have nice clothes (let me tell you, no one purposely gains weight to wear some lovely plus size clothes).

reading some threads on here break my heart when women dread going to social events because they are fat.

aibu to say, fuck that, get on with your life and be happy even if you are fat. Wear the nice clothes, go to all the social events. And hey, eat the biscuit if you really want to

Ffs!

But @AKnitterofThings the only person definitely judging you is you, the rest is guess work on your part: I feel I’m being judged” - are you? Are you sure? “I KNOW people are looking and muttering [about me]” - are you sure about that? Do you know or are you guessing what other people are thinking based on your own rating of yourself and your lack of self-acceptance. Could you have constructed a prison for yourself all in your own mind?

There’s a great saying which I try to keep in mind which is “what other people think of you is none of your business”, I try to live by that. I stand out, not because I’m fat but because I am facially disfigured as the result of an accident, to a traffic stopping extent. It’s different from being fat but people still recoil from me because they don’t like the way I look and I’ve been socially rejected for it in the past. But you know, many people look, or stare without judgement, they’re not even registering you and most human beings are far too introspective to spend time noticing, thinking about and judging you for being fat. Those who do comment on me in a nasty way and are definitely choosing to judge me based on my scars. Those who want to hurt me by calling me repulsive - why would I accept what they have to say as fact? Their lack of thought or nastiness isn’t my problem and if someone is crass enough to say something about your fatness is that really your problem? Is their judgement right? You are who you are, you’re unique and you and I and Claudia Schiffer all have the same worth regardless of our body shape or scars.

By the way, I’m a fairly elderly psychotherapist so I’ve spent decades helping people with depression and I’ve yet to find a correlation between happiness and thinness but there is definitely a correlation between happiness and self-acceptance. If I could dish out one piece of advice; stop making jokes about your fatness, stop trying to apologise for yourself, stop trying to second-guess what you think people of you - you don’t need to. Public self-depreciation is damaging.

Really?

Imagine this scenario if a slim person said how much cooler they would be in The summer compared to all the fatty boom
booms?

That would of course be a terrible thing to say but no worse than what you’ve said , yet all hell would break loose wouldn’t it.

Doubting the health concern is a bit like doubting climate change. If all the MNetters go on to have fat kids having embraced fatness then we have a very real (/worse) health crisis on our hands.

Ah, but it's fine to be rude about "skinny minnies" because everyone knows they're miserable, compulsive dieters who feel superior to anyone larger than themselves!

This is literally said on mumsnet all the time on threads about fat people, about how hot and uncomfortable we must be

Ok. So if this is suggested as being true, then fat people (not my words) are equally rude to slim people, so what’s the point of this thread.

I don’t get it. And I don’t give a hoot how big someone else is and certainly don’t think anyone should hang their head in shame for being overweight.

These type of self-absorbed threads from fat people do actually make me think less favourably of fat people.

No one really cares what you look like, really they don't.

However, if you chose to believe there are no health issues with being fat, then that is a bit daft and you may get judged for that.

Nobody cares what you look like.

And if all the Mnetters who have been living a restricted life because of fear of judgement about their perfectly normal bodies pass that onto their kids, we will have an epidemic of mental health issues which surely outweighs the difficulties of obesity?

Thing is, most people probably don’t give you a second thought at all.

Not sure Which of these two scenarios is more disappointing for you?

Acknowledgement (and concurrent Judgment) of your being fat, or just complete and utter indifference.

That seems unlikely given the tens of billions of pounds per year that obesity causes the NHS.

Where are you getting your data from to suggest that the effects of another approach would be worse?

Stop blaming other people for how some chose to live their life.

People make choices every day- living a restricted choice is. It automatically the fault of slim people who are apparently judging; more likely to be a result of ones own persecution complex.

Go live your life, how you do that is on you.

I'm a size 16 and am completely living my best life 😅 sexiness is an attitude not a dress size.
I can't say I've pulled Leo decaprio but I can say out of every 10 men I flirt with I could pull 8 of them.
Aslong as your healthy, dress size is nothing.
Eat the biscuit and learn to love yourself.

'Normal' weighted people are the minority group now in the UK, so the majority of people you encounter won't be judging you anyway, right?

That is if we assume that it is only slim people who judge

'Mumsnet' doesn't hate 'fat people' because Mumsnet has many overweight members (which stands to reason given how many overweight people there are in the UK).

Yes, some Mumsnetters are vocal about their feelings when it comes to overweight people and some of them are downright nasty.

But that's not just 'Mumsnet', it's obviously people outside of MN too. However, the internet gives them the anonymity to verbalise their thoughts without putting their names/faces to what they're saying, unlike a lot of people in real life who'll keep their thoughts in their heads.

I'm trying to love myself at 105kg (the biggest I have ever been) but then someone takes a picture or I see a Facebook memory of me from 5 years ago and feel absolutely horrible about how I look now.
I'm in awe of anyone who can truly love themselves how they are so if you can then enjoy yourself love.

If you’re 7ft tall then that’s sort of OK, it’s at the top end of normal.

I don’t think most posters “hate” fat people - I think that’s a little strong. However a lot of posters struggle to imagine that fatter people can be attractive to other people. You see it expressed indirectly in posts like “ why doesn’t he want sex with me” in which they will say “ I’ve kept myself slim” or similar words. You also see posters affronted that their ex is now with someone larger and which is presumably downgrading. ( double whammy if the new girlfriend is older too). So slimness is seen as a very primary factor of attractiveness more than other characteristics like personality. There will always be guys who have very specific physical types but as a size 16 and latterly a size 18 I’ve never found men to be particularly put off by my size. It helps that I’m funny, confident and clever and those are attractive qualities. So I say wear the dress…. What’s the point in not? . You are alive now…. Yes you may want to lose weight and this would be a wise decision for health reasons but you are alive now. Live your life - wear the dress

I'm a size 18 - used to be unhealthy but am now very fit and eat well albeit too much although not gluttonous amounts just enough to maintain my weight as I have been the same size for 10 years. No health issues bar endometriosis which has nothing to do with weight. I don't smoke, I am active, I rarely drink and I eat lots of veg. I dress how I like and look great. Most of my weight is arse and thighs not tummy so I am not particularly at risk health wise re my organs. I'm very happy with myself and have no shame in having more body fat than the average woman. I hate fat shaming. People love to put it down to health but in the end most just have a personal disgust of the look of it.

Plenty of reasons people are fat.
Of course over eating or eating high cal food is the main reason.
However medication and underactive thyroid etc are a massive cause for millions of people.

As a PP said, you're a long time dead.
Being fat isn't a reason to not enjoy life.
Nor is it a reason to dislike other people of a smaller size.

I couldn't give a crap what size anyone is but you are a hypocrite if you're taking the piss out of us 'skinny minnies' whilst moaning you're being judged. I am very thin, cancer isn't anything to be jealous of...

If you're fat and happy you do you.

But if people understood nutrition and exercise properly they wouldn't have to be restricted, everyone I know who is a healthy weight eats a variety of food, just not to excess. The issue is people on fad diets or crash diets who are unhappy with their bodies and seek a quick fix (which doesn't exist). Being active is setting a great example to children, as is a balance and saying no to children when needed. I highly doubt the last statement as well, weight related illness costs the NHS an astronomical amount of money and is only going to get worse.