My Ex naming his Baby the same name as our DS

[Lovelyflower]

My DS Barnaby (11) is from my previous marriage (my DS was 1 at the time of our divorce). His bio father has never had much input in Barnaby’s life and only sees him averagely once every few months. Although my ex’s Mother and father have a very close relationship with Barnaby and he often spends the night with them and they help with childcare occasionally.

I met my current DP when Barnaby was 5 so he has been in Barnaby’s life for most of what he can remember (he calls my DP dad and calls his bio dad by his first name as he doesn’t have a very fatherly relationship to my DS).

My ex has been in a relationship for around 2 years I gather with a women I have only ever spoken a few words to as when I drop Barnaby at his house she never seems to be in.

I had just came to find out through my DS that my ex’s partner was pregnant (around 8 months).
So when I next called my ex to discuss when Barnaby was going to next come around to his house there was a short pause before he said that his partner had just given birth about 2 days prior to a baby boy that they named BARNEY???
I was speechless I asked him why he called his DS basically the same name as our DS Barnaby and he said that he hadn’t realised that but was not going to change it because his DP had fallen in love with the name.

Am I the only one who thinks this is wrong on many levels practically calling your son the same name as your other son and what can I actually do about this (do I just have to leave it and tell my DS that he has basically been “replaced”???!!)

[CruCru]

Yeah, it’s weird but realistically there isn’t anything you can do about it. Just say that they really liked the name.

[backwhiteandredallover]

What an absolutely nutter... how odd.

[SpongeBob2022]

Your ex and his partner are both complete idiots. Honestly, some people are ridiculous.

[mandalala]

This can't be for real surely?

[FlissyPaps]

That is insaaaane!!

Does the GF even know your son though? Does he talk about her? If so, what’s their relationship like.

If your ex treats your DS as it’s own it’s really shady he never even mentioned to you that she’s pregnant. Some may say it’s not your business but if this man is in your sons life then it absolutely is your business.

[IncompleteSenten]

Why on earth would you tell your child his father has replaced him? That would be an awful thing to tell him.

You can't do anything about the name.

If it was me I wouldn't say anything about the name but if my son mentioned it I'd be as neutral as possible.

Maybe talk about siblings with similar names and how that can be a thing.

[mandalala]

I think you have to go round there now OP and just tell him this is wholly unacceptable and cruel to his first son. If they like, they can give the baby Barney as a middle name. Who the hell would have two sons called Barnaby and Barney ffs? Is he demented? What is wrong with him as there must be something very amiss mentally?

[CostaLotta22]

Weird. Presumably his new partner knows your son and his name? I know it’s obvious but you said she’s never there.

[Lovelyflower]

@FlissyPaps when he sees his bio father it’s often day outs like swimming or bowling so not always at his house. But he has been there plenty of times and interacted with his bio dads GF, he has before stated how she dosnt give him much attention and ignores him quite a bit (likes to pretend he doesn’t exist) but she knows full well who he is and what his bloody name is

i have 2 other DS (Monty and Ned) and as much as that would of been weird if she named her baby names similar to that I wouldn’t have a problem it’s that my DS his her BF’s son

[mandalala]

I wouldn't give all your kids names in here OP, as the gutter press pick up threads.

Has you ex been psychologically assessed recently, do you know? Is he well?

[Lovelyflower]

@IncompleteSenten of course I wouldn’t word it like that to him but what else to you suggest he is doing having two sons named the same thing basically

hes always been jealous of my DP taking the role as “dad” to Barnaby and has tried to start physical fights with DP in the past - if he really wanted to be a dad to Barnaby he would but he only occasionally shows interest in him

[pogostickplastique]

@FlissyPaps

That is insaaaane!!

Does the GF even know your son though? Does he talk about her? If so, what’s their relationship like.

If your ex treats your DS as it’s own it’s really shady he never even mentioned to you that she’s pregnant. Some may say it’s not your business but if this man is in your sons life then it absolutely is your business.

He is the ex's not just treated as his own. He's basically called both his sons the same name.

[Stripedbag101]

I actually know someone this happened to. He was the eldest son and had been named after his dad. His dad went on the have a second family and named the eldest son after himself again.

the dad had cut contact with the family so they only discovered this years later - but yes it was like he was basically erased and replaced. Awful.

[MistressIggi]

I am struggling to see how 56% of the vote says YABU! Perhaps they have misread and think this is an unrelated-to-Barnaby ex?
It's not like Lucy and Louse or similar sounding names, Barney could be a nickname for Barnaby. It's clear the woman only sees herself as the mother of one child, and the father basically doesn't give a shit.

[Malbecfan]

Very odd but not unheard of. In the early 90s when I first started teaching, a y7 kid in my class told me her mum had just had a baby boy. "How lovely", I said, "what's his name?" She replied X. I said "but don't you already have an older brother called x (slightly different spelling but same 1st letter)?" "Yes miss, but they're called after their dads". These lads were 13 years apart in age and older x became a dad at 14...

[SamphirethePogoingStickerist]

@mandalala

I wouldn't give all your kids names in here OP, as the gutter press pick up threads.

Has you ex been psychologically assessed recently, do you know? Is he well?

I had assumed OP was savvy enough to have used pseudonyms!?!

[pimlicoanna]

It's definitely odd. But it's not the same name though

[YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer]

I was speechless I asked him why he called his DS basically the same name as our DS Barnaby and he said that he hadn’t realised that but was not going to change it

He did not realize??? He forgot he had a son named Barnaby? He sounds crazy to me.

[Lovelyflower]

@YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer no clue to be honest he sounded so assured that this wasn’t weird and was surprised when I asked him about it

@mandalala he’s always been a bit on the “crazy side” but don’t think he has any “issues” if I’m honest I think it’s his GF trying to push my DS out of her “happy family picture”

[ThatsWahtYouGetWhenYouLetYourHeartWin]

@mandalala

I think you have to go round there now OP and just tell him this is wholly unacceptable and cruel to his first son. If they like, they can give the baby Barney as a middle name. Who the hell would have two sons called Barnaby and Barney ffs? Is he demented? What is wrong with him as there must be something very amiss mentally?

Are you joking?

Op has absolutely zero rights to go round demanding they change the name.

It's not even the same name. It's slightly strange with the names being very similar but it doesn't mean the dad doesn't care or the kid has been replaced. It's just a name. Don't read so much into it and leave your kid to have a relationship with his dad without your input.

[IrishladyNE]

Sometimes I read things on here and I just can’t believe how people behave. They’re very weird people

[x2boys]

How strange .

[Pardonyou]

What a prat. His gf loving the name is more important than his kids mental health.

[ThatsWahtYouGetWhenYouLetYourHeartWin]

@Lovelyflower

@YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer no clue to be honest he sounded so assured that this wasn’t weird and was surprised when I asked him about it

@mandalala he’s always been a bit on the “crazy side” but don’t think he has any “issues” if I’m honest I think it’s his GF trying to push my DS out of her “happy family picture”

I doubt it's the girlfriend trying to push your kid out. If she really disliked your child or her boyfriends past why would she choose to name her own child after yours?

She probably just likes the name.

[CatherinedeBourgh]

I know someone who gave his ds from his second marriage the exact same name as his ds from his first marriage.

And there were nearly 30 years between them, to make it even weirder.