My Ex naming his Baby the same name as our DS

[Lovelyflower]

My DS Barnaby (11) is from my previous marriage (my DS was 1 at the time of our divorce). His bio father has never had much input in Barnaby’s life and only sees him averagely once every few months. Although my ex’s Mother and father have a very close relationship with Barnaby and he often spends the night with them and they help with childcare occasionally.

I met my current DP when Barnaby was 5 so he has been in Barnaby’s life for most of what he can remember (he calls my DP dad and calls his bio dad by his first name as he doesn’t have a very fatherly relationship to my DS).

My ex has been in a relationship for around 2 years I gather with a women I have only ever spoken a few words to as when I drop Barnaby at his house she never seems to be in.

I had just came to find out through my DS that my ex’s partner was pregnant (around 8 months).
So when I next called my ex to discuss when Barnaby was going to next come around to his house there was a short pause before he said that his partner had just given birth about 2 days prior to a baby boy that they named BARNEY???
I was speechless I asked him why he called his DS basically the same name as our DS Barnaby and he said that he hadn’t realised that but was not going to change it because his DP had fallen in love with the name.

Am I the only one who thinks this is wrong on many levels practically calling your son the same name as your other son and what can I actually do about this (do I just have to leave it and tell my DS that he has basically been “replaced”???!!)

Yanbu but unfortunately there’s nothing you can do. Very strange behaviour on your ex’s part

In your ex a bit dim? What a lack of imagination to just use it again,

@ThatsWahtYouGetWhenYouLetYourHeartWin
We all feel like his GF is pushing my DS out.
All photos of him and his dad that used to be hung up in the house have suddenly disappeared according to DS and he’s stated to me before that he feels in the way all the time.

i don’t think she named her son Barney because she loved his name so much I feel like there was no need for this for my DS sake (he already feels pushed out enough)

You are being unreasonable, the names are similar but not the same, your son isn't being replaced, don't alienate your son against his father. Leave them alone, continue your co-parenting relationship with your ex and tell your son the name may be similar to his but in no way does that mean he's being replaced. Don't project your insecurities onto your child.

George Foreman comes to mind. See attached.

I know a man who set up home with his OW. They had a baby and gave it the exact same name……as the family dog in the first relationship.

This is really odd behaviour and not nice for your DS. What do your ex’s parents (DS’ parents) think? Surely they think it’s odd??

A man leaving his first family and naming a new child the same as the first isn't uncommon. They like to rewrite history.

Tbh your equally bad encouraging your ds to call another man dad and his dad his name. I suspect there's been faults on sides here.

@Themenace I phoned them earlier and they are finding this situation a bit uncomfortable
They love their son but hate his GF as she always invites herself round and criticises his mother a lot which makes her upset
they also were not informed about the pregnancy up until 7 ish months and I think his mother felt hurt by that (she has always had a good connection with her son)

@Bananarama21 I never told him what to call anyone - he called my DP by his first name at first and then once his siblings called my DP dad he followed - his dad has only been in his life again from age 6

They're similar but not actually the same name. It's a bit odd but I don't think it's that weird.

If it was actually Barnaby and Barnaby that would be different.

This seems a good approach. I couldn't work it out but does this ex still see barnaby at his house? With the baby and new GF?

Ps. Sometimes the papers pick up threads from here (BECAUSE THEY ARE SCUM).

I’ve heard of someone doing this ( not on the internet). It’s really really strange and probably very damaging to the older child.

I suspect contact will reduce now there is a brand new Barney. Possibly not a bad thing.

I'm surprised the results are 50/50

I think it's a fucking bonkers thing for them to do. All the people saying 'oh but they're different names'! Barely.

Very, very, very strange move by your ex and his girlfriend.

I knew a guy who did this, except he went on to have children with more women. He named them all with the same letter and all very similar - think Callum, Caylum and variants of. It was really weird. It seemed weirdly territorial.

I would tell him straight that calling his second son Barney is tantamount to emotional abuse if his first son. Of course he will feel replaced.

I would give him 2 options -

1. Change the name (and use Barney as a middle name if he must)

2. Contact with your son will stop as of today.

If he wants to make a legal challenge, that's his lookout, but I bet he won't bother.

It reads a bit like- 'my son decided to replace me as 'Dad' with someone else, so I'll replace him with this baby'.

@DappledThings It is the same name, Barney is short for Barnaby, it’s like naming your sons Daniel and Dan

I think all you can do is write him a reasoned email OP, and ask his parents to
talk to him.

Beyond that, just accept the man is an arsehole and move on.

@mandalala

Don’t be ridiculous.

No contact is not in the OP’s son’s interests. However dickish parents are, short of serious abuse, all evidence suggests that contact is beneficial.

I knew a Barnaby who often shortened his name to Barney so even though it’s not the same it sort of feels like it is and it’s close enough in spelling for people to get muddled.

It’s awful for your DS but it’s also not very good for the second child either because it’s not different enough and he’ll feel like he’s living in his half brother’s shadow/doesn’t have his own individual identity.

I think it’s potentially going to cause difficulties for both kids and it sounds as if your ex and his partner haven’t thought through the consequences.

It's only like having two kids called Jimmy and James

One might be used as a nickname but they're individual names in their own rights.

YANBU

Your ex is a piece of work.

YABU to post the names of your children here if those are their real names. Ask MN to edit to something else like William/Billy and delete the other names.

And lack originality

Don't be ridiculous