My Ex naming his Baby the same name as our DS

[Lovelyflower]

My DS Barnaby (11) is from my previous marriage (my DS was 1 at the time of our divorce). His bio father has never had much input in Barnaby’s life and only sees him averagely once every few months. Although my ex’s Mother and father have a very close relationship with Barnaby and he often spends the night with them and they help with childcare occasionally.

I met my current DP when Barnaby was 5 so he has been in Barnaby’s life for most of what he can remember (he calls my DP dad and calls his bio dad by his first name as he doesn’t have a very fatherly relationship to my DS).

My ex has been in a relationship for around 2 years I gather with a women I have only ever spoken a few words to as when I drop Barnaby at his house she never seems to be in.

I had just came to find out through my DS that my ex’s partner was pregnant (around 8 months).
So when I next called my ex to discuss when Barnaby was going to next come around to his house there was a short pause before he said that his partner had just given birth about 2 days prior to a baby boy that they named BARNEY???
I was speechless I asked him why he called his DS basically the same name as our DS Barnaby and he said that he hadn’t realised that but was not going to change it because his DP had fallen in love with the name.

Am I the only one who thinks this is wrong on many levels practically calling your son the same name as your other son and what can I actually do about this (do I just have to leave it and tell my DS that he has basically been “replaced”???!!)

Jesus, Ms Shouty. Are you the new gf?

It's really about her attitude toward the ex moving on! If she don't want him then let it go. You all seem SO keen on taking the word of a random on the internet about a child that no one knows! He's a kid, we can't make every single day and or feeling perfect for them. Give DS time. Instead of bitching about it, just be there for him.

Are you the new baby's mum @BIGPARENT

Why are you so angry 🤔

No I'm not the new baby's mum. Why are you all so hate filled towards someone you don't even know ? And for something that he has every right to do ?

I have a Barnaby. (Great name OP 🙂) Barney is absolutely the diminutive, not a different name. My son gets called Barney as much as he gets called Barnaby.

Your ex is crazy and I think it’s lucky that your Barnaby has you and a lovely new (step)Dad.

Do you have any idea how forums like MN work?
of course we only have ‘one side’ of the story. That’s what happens when posters ask/report on their issue or problem.

You seem rather invested in this thread. And rather invested in your caps lock key too…

@Stath
Well aware of how forums work boo boo. AND. YES I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO USE CAPS, because unlike you...I have my own opinion and conform to herd mentality.

I have my own opinion and conform to herd mentality

Erm....

Never has 'You Ok hun' been needed more on a thread
😂

See it as a compliment or something
Teach your ds that its pretty COOL to have a half-brother with a similar name

And then get over it
Thie isnt about you
Nor your son
Its abour ex and his partner that picked out a name the loved

Give over op

Cool???

he literally gave both of his sons the same name. Barney is a variation of Barnaby. If me and my partner had a child and called her Katie I would be livid if he went on to have another child with another woman and called that child Kate and ask him if he had all thought about how this will make his first daughter feel

@BIGPARENT sorry meant to tag you in the post above

That's ok, I understand that the 2 sons have similar names but this woman cannot dictate to other people,what they can and cannot name their own children! Ever stop to think that maybe it wasn't so much the ex (male) and maybe it was the ex's gf who named her child almost the same name ?
The ex with the oldest son has absolutely no right to tell the mum of the 2nd son what she can or can't call her child. It's not her son and it's really none of her business.

@BIGPARENT what kind of an adult woman would pick a name that could essentially make the step child feel replaced or go as far as making her own child feel like a replacement?

not sure how I would react but I would certainly tell both adults how utterly hurt my child is and explain to the father it is utterly disgusting that he prioritised keeping his new wife happy over the well being of his own child.

I know you don't think it is a big deal but there are very few children that would not feel hurt and replaced by this

@sweetbambi
I never said i don't think it's a big deal but who are you to tell other people what they can name their child ? It IS their child, not yours and not this woman's.

I'm glad they're going to change it.

What were they thinking choosing a similar name to begin with.

@BIGPARENT it is equally the ex husbands child and as a caring father if he is one he should have voted this idea right away.

Are they pseudonyms or are those actually their names?

If you aren’t using pseudonyms I’m not sure it’s ok to name the ex’s baby. Although admittedly it’s probably outing them anyway through the use of your other sons’ names.

@sweetbambi
Understood but at the same time understand that the new baby has a mum and dad and THEY chose his name. The F ex with the older child, has absolutely no right to dictate or demand what they do with their child.

They were probably thinking.....this is their child not anyone else's. And probs thinking they alone have the right to name their child what they want.