OTT Preparations for sending DC to university?

[sheepdogdelight]

I'm on WIWIKAU and am finding the level of preparation that some parents are making for their children going to university to be - a lot ...

When I went to university, my parents dropped me off at the station and I had a rucksack and 2 suitcases as that was all I could carry. I took basically clothes, books and a few kitchen basics that I'd bought from a charity shop. My parents bought me nothing.

By contrast it seems that everyone in WIWIKAU is buying up new sets of bedding, kitchen stuff, piles of stationary, random things that might be useful - it's all paid for and in most cases organised by parents.

I accept that my parents were at the "uninvolved" end of the parental spectrum, but is the WIWIKAU type parent the norm these days? Seems a bit OTT?

We used to avoid IKEA like the plague from A level results day to the end of September, it was manic!

But this is MN, there was an idiot some time back who thought her son (natch) would not be an adult until 25!

borrowed a pint glass from the bar.

Borrowed????? I think there are still ash trays (yuk, those were the days) that my late OH 'borrowed' from various bars in the late 60s!

I've noticed over the years that Army brats, and other Services, are more resiliant partly because change was normal for them. My late OH used to reckon that in a school year there would be a 50% + change in the class.

Twas ever thus.. they started with the strategic play dates moved it through to professional standard World Book Day costuming. Next it was competitive extra-curricular activities followed by covert tutoring and humble brag exam results - and now, it's the Season Finale: university packing extravaganza. Good luck to them! I admire their stamina.

Is this turning into a competition on how resilient our DC are now?

I think some of the so called helicopter parenting is due to the widening participation in higher education.

A lot of threads are from worried parents concerned about how their ND DC will cope. How many of these DC would have gone to university 30 or 40 years ago?

My parents took me and everything I needed to uni. Bedsheets, computer (in the 90s so huge) . Think everything else was there. From second year I had my own car so went by myself.

I hadn't considered that but it's a very good point.

I like WIWIKAU and when DS was struggling I got some excellent advice which helped him to turn it around. He ended up getting a 2-1 which is a bloody miracle.

I do scroll past a few posts, like I do on here really but overall I think it's really helpful.

I went to uni in late nineties and got fuck all from my parents.
YANBU.

Though whoopdeedoo for those who think it's normal to get their whole room set up etc. Your bank account not mine.

But money really isn't an object for us. Our DDs have grown up with a certain level of luxury and comfort. I don't think it particularly worthy or character building to suddenly expect them to use 2nd hand stuff and eat cheap baked beans.

Money's not an object for us either. They've only been at private school and haven't had to work (although my son chose to get a summer job this year). My son also has his own car (which he won't be taking to Uni) and is currently away with his friends abroad which we've paid for.

And that's exactly why I'd like them to have a taste of real life as a student. I also think it's important to recognise that lots of students won't be so fortunate to have well-off parents and I don't want my kids to come across as spoilt rich kids (not saying yours are, but I know plenty in that category). I think it is character building to have to manage your money and not have everything brand new.

So, you got no support, therefore you won't support your DC.

Okay.

You see I just don't get this concept of living 'a real life' as a student. For my DDs living in relative luxury/comfort is very much their real life and always had been. It's also very much the real lives of their friends. Does this make their real lives somehow less valid than those who have to really struggle? I don't believe so.

You see I just don't get this concept of living 'a real life' as a student. For my DDs living in relative luxury/comfort is very much their real life and always had been. It's also very much the real lives of their friends. Does this make their real lives somehow less valid than those who have to really struggle? I don't believe so.

By real, I mean the lives of 95% of the population who don't get a stream of expensive clothes and whatever. I want my kids to appreciate the value of hard work, not piggyback off our money.

We'll help when they want to buy a house or whatever but now they're 18, I want them to learn to budget and make sacrifices. University is as good a place as any to start. We had decent grad jobs at big four firms but still had to watch our money carefully for the first few years. Standing on your own two feet financially encourages you to work hard if you want to buy expensive things.

Slightly off point but I always thought it was "wikiwow" rather than "weeweecow" til I joined it yesterday to find fellow parents with homeless students at a certain NW university!!

I'm aiming to hit a middle ground of interested involvement and help but a long way from the "Be Real" posts some of the parents are making daily....

I would say that I was "middle ground/more hands off" when DD went to university.

She had just been dumped by her BF so was feeling a little fragile, but she was perfectly capable of cooking, washing and other life skills. Sometimes she needed guidance from me, so she would call me for advice.

They also need us when sorting out student accommodation for subsequent years as we have to be guarantors.

But at some point most students have to stand on their own two feet. And, for most young people from privileged backgrounds, they will not be able to fund this themselves for quite some time. Of course, some parents continue to bankroll their children well into adulthood. Where do you draw the line and expect them to fend for themselves?

Students eligibility for maintenance loans is based on their parents’ income. The government expects parents to provide financial support to their student DC.

My DD ain’t taking her bedding, i need it to sleep in her bed! DH snores and i need her bed.

i bought bedding, few kitchen things, loo rolls, food, mini fridge,

Mine is expected to get a job. We are abroad and there are no loans. We will pay her rent and tuition and she can have my lunch voucher card which will cover most of her food. Her social life is down to her. She's been working away all summer so has a head start, and is in the process of trying to extricate her UK CTF cash. She reckons she has plenty of money to last til after Xmas so has time to look for something once she knows what her timetable is like. She's had a very easy life really so like PP, it's a good opportunity for her to stand on her own 2 feet.

Ok until about 3 minutes ago I thought YABU…. but now? No! You are totally being reasonable! It’s insane! And this is coming from me, a single mum with dropped her only child off yesterday and is as sentimental as it gets. It’s out of control on that group! I have never seen anything like it!

My DD is now settled in her self-catered accommodation (her uni starts early). She took some basics with her, but has gone shopping for the rest now she's there and knows what she needs... that worked for us!