OTT Preparations for sending DC to university?

[sheepdogdelight]

I'm on WIWIKAU and am finding the level of preparation that some parents are making for their children going to university to be - a lot ...

When I went to university, my parents dropped me off at the station and I had a rucksack and 2 suitcases as that was all I could carry. I took basically clothes, books and a few kitchen basics that I'd bought from a charity shop. My parents bought me nothing.

By contrast it seems that everyone in WIWIKAU is buying up new sets of bedding, kitchen stuff, piles of stationary, random things that might be useful - it's all paid for and in most cases organised by parents.

I accept that my parents were at the "uninvolved" end of the parental spectrum, but is the WIWIKAU type parent the norm these days? Seems a bit OTT?

You were dropped off, absolutely spoilt 🤣🤣🤣

I was packaged off barely seventeen with one rucksack to the other end of the country. I think my parents were a wee bit casual though? 😁

DS was very popular with his toastie maker, all the students in his house used it. I had to bin it when he came home, it was beyond saving 🤢😂

There will always be parents who overthink these things.

One shopping trip to pick up some bits an bobs is enough.

Bedding and hot water bottles can usually be brought from home.

Basic kitchen ware ( one plate, cup, saucepan etc) can be handed down from friends and family, or picked up from a supermarket or second hand shop. necessary.

Stationary and a few new home comforts ( cushions, fairy lights etc) can also be picked up in a supermarket or somewhere like home bargains.

Some people will go OTT and buy the ‘ best’ of everything brand new, but it’s really not necessary.

In most student flat shares, there is often more than enough kitchen equipment to go around - too many plates mean that dishes just stack up!!

My DD is off to uni this week (!!!). She'll have bedding, clothes, and a couple of pans. She didn't want to buy anything else until she's seen what her housemates are bringing (no point in 5 kettles/toasters) and how big her room is. However, she is in a city-centre with a Co-Op 5 minutes away and a Wilko 10 minutes away... things might be different on a campus uni in the middle of nowhere.

My parents were at work the day I left for uni so although they bought all the required kitchen stuff I drove myself off into the city 🤣 dad followed the next day with another car of stuff! My future DH got dropped off with a suitcase and a box of pans

Meant to say: my DD has contacted some housemates and coursemates already. They're turning up a couple of days before "Welcome Week" start in order to go shopping together. I think that's a great way of doing it. (I was dropped off with a suitcase and a duvet, back in my day...)

If I see stationary one more time ….,,

They're not even children!
At university age, they should be doing everything for themselves, bar a drop off & some money, basic untensils etc., to get them going.

My bedding was provided at uni and changed every week. Do I win a prize? It was also catered halls so I took a mug and some spoons, nothing else for the kitchen. I still got a lift from my parents at the beginning and end of each term (along with a free lecture from them about leaving my room like a pig sty, apparently).

Ha ha - I was thinking the same!

I went in 1998.

I did and paid for everything myself. No rent paid, no allowance, nothing at all. Thought it was normal until a long time later.

My mum did drive me and my stuff up on the first day, though. It wasn’t that she didn’t care, just nobody in the family had ever been before and had no idea what was “expected” and no spare money to give. I got the full loan, obviously.

I spent a year saving up on sixth form from
my part time job in a shop, not money (£2.50 an hour) but a cardboard box of tins and spices and stuff that I took with me.

It's how weeweecow works. Mumsnet for worrying over the minutiae of admission stats and weeweecow for airfryer comparisons.

It's how weeweecow works. Mumsnet for worrying over the minutiae of admission stats and weeweecow for airfryer comparisons.

I went to uni 20 years ago. My nan bought me some lovely bedding, my parents took me shopping for cooking equipment and some extra bits and pieces of furniture and food, I took almost all of my belongings - including my electric piano. Some of my parents friends have me gifts of alcohol and money before I left. I'm not sure if it's because ai was the first in my family to go to uni or if this was normal 😐

I ended up leaving the group because of the OTT hysterical posts. People saying they couldn't stop crying every day at the thought of their DC going to uni, weeks before they actually went. Mega preparations, loads of money spent. It was ridiculous.

For those asking, I joined the group because it was recommended, and because I thought it would be a good source of info about universities/courses. Of course I've just joined so all the chat is about children going to uni for the first time. Glad to know I'm not the only one that thinks some parents are a bit OTT (and agree that my parents were not the norm either - I didn't get any bedding new or otherwise to take with me and ended up scavenging off fellow students until I found some really cheap charity shop stuff).

It's a mix of things - wanting to be involved, a bit performative, a bit unsure/anxious about this new stage, finding it hard to let go. But wiwikau is a bit 'much' at this time of year - all of the individual things are sweet (tips on where to get sweet hampers and letterbox brownies sent to students, the car packed to the brim with no input from said student, wanting to be involved the whole first day unpacking with their child, the little poems and notes and presents, the unnecessary extra household things) - but the majority of the comments are sensible and also experienced and help people step back a bit and let their young people lead. And its far better than not caring at all. Personally I have been sitting on my hands waiting for dd to be ready to organise things, and have supported her to do that today and it was quite touching. A milestone marked.

I went to uni about 15 years ago.

My parents bought themselves a nice new set of plates and gave me the old, scratched up ones. My gran gave me some unwanted bedding and a saucepan. Someone I knew from the internet (oh innocence!) took me to IKEA on the bus to get the rest.

But even then, some parents were much more involved. It's always been a spectrum, it's just that this generation of parents have discovered the internet. In our day it was the students working themselves into a frenzy on LiveJournal, Bebo or UKLearning

I went to university in 1993. My parents drove me to my hall of residence and I had crockery, pans, bedding, a radio CD player, etc.

When I lived in a house share in my 2nd and 3rd years my Mum used to buy a tin of tuna, tomatoes, beans, a bag of pasta or rice etc each week and put it in a box under my bed for me to take back after the next holidays.

I think I was maybe a bit spoiled...

(Although I did work on a farm during every summer holiday!)

I've recently joined and I'm finding it way OTT (but quite compulsive reading at the same time). It's just parents micromanaging and monetising their kids lives. But the difference is that these are young adults who are about to be dumped at the other end of the country and left to fend for themselves.

By all means send your child with bedding and basic cooking equipment, but do you not trust them to sort themselves out with what they want / need beyond that? Are they not capable of making decisions / purchases on their own?

A trip to Dunelm, Wilko or Sainsburys could be a bonding experience with a new flatmate or fill a few hours in those early aimless days before courses start and when everyone is already there but not really sure why! Overinvested parents are robbing their kids of that autonomy to make choices and decisions for themselves.

Yep, I'm astounded by the interest parents take in their DC.

I took myself around open days, picked a Uni and took a rucksack there on Day 1. Day 4, DM forgot it was my b'day when I rang up to say hello from the communal phone.

Suffice to say my MH wasn't the best in those days.

Yep, I'm astounded by the interest parents take in their DC.

When I'm paying thousands each year I take an interest!

I'm on the group and tbh its really useful. But I had to hold myself back today when someone asked if you write their names on their clothes, towels etc.

You had a rucksack?! Bah, sheer luxury! I was kicked out the door with a spotted handkerchief tied to a stick with a spare pair of pants and a potato in it. I had to hitchhike to uni at of opposite end of the country. Barefoot.

😆😂😆