OTT Preparations for sending DC to university?

[sheepdogdelight]

I'm on WIWIKAU and am finding the level of preparation that some parents are making for their children going to university to be - a lot ...

When I went to university, my parents dropped me off at the station and I had a rucksack and 2 suitcases as that was all I could carry. I took basically clothes, books and a few kitchen basics that I'd bought from a charity shop. My parents bought me nothing.

By contrast it seems that everyone in WIWIKAU is buying up new sets of bedding, kitchen stuff, piles of stationary, random things that might be useful - it's all paid for and in most cases organised by parents.

I accept that my parents were at the "uninvolved" end of the parental spectrum, but is the WIWIKAU type parent the norm these days? Seems a bit OTT?

I'm surprised that so many people have lots of old cookware lying around. We don't live anywhere near family so there was no-one else that DD could scrounge stuff from.

My DCs aren't there yet, but I did this with my DSIS when she went as parents couldn't, however she had bedding and stuff as had already left home. I helped her out a bit with some kitchen basics and bought a first food shop, but that was it. Oh and drove her 300 miles there and helped with picking up keys etc. She could have managed, but it was nice to together and I did cry as we drove away!

Rampantivy maybe I'm a bit of a hoarder ... with a large garage .... (& I work in a charity shop so always have access to cheap stuff) but I find it quite easy to cobble a few bits together for DS to take back to Uni. He asked for a frying pan and I gave him an old one this evening... still leaves us with four

When DD1 was preparing for university last year she happily went to IKEA, with my credit card (and an agreed budget) to kit herself out with whatever she needed. She had a new duvet and 2 sets of new bedding so she didn't have to cart a double duvet home during holidays. On her moving day everything she needed packed into our car (it being a Range Rover helped) and that included her very large, free standing mirror and a 5 foot tall, white plush teddy. Yes, really.

After we'd helped her move in we took her out for a nice farewell lunch, then did a big groceries shop for her at the local Sainsbury's. The first few weeks she was away I enjoyed sending her little treats and surprises in the post. Just a bit of fun.

DD2 goes off to university next week and we've done the exact same with her. Though she kitted herself out with the John Lewis AnyDay range which is excellent value for money.

I will never, ever understand parents who don't enjoy making their children's lives that little bit easier and more luxurious. It's such a dour, grudging attitude.

I went to university in the 90s. It was normal then for parents to drive their DC to university and have bought stuff for them.

I have one DC already at university and one about to start this month. I bought the basics - bedding, towels, 2 place settings of crockery and cutlery, a couple of saucepans, basic utensils, tea towels, coat hangers, clothes airer. Nothing fancy and mostly bought in the sales. There's no point them taking their bedding and towels from home as they'll have to bring them back in the holidays. Also their beds are a different size at university to home. Both are self catering if that makes a difference - they need to have plates and cooking equipment. I also do their first grocery shop. DC1 will take himself back to university at the start of term as he is taking his car, but we will drive DC2 who is a fresher.

I will never, ever understand parents who don't enjoy making their children's lives that little bit easier and more luxurious. It's such a dour, grudging attitude.

I agree. There is a middle way. You don't have to be a helicopter parent to want to do nice thing for your children.

@Ragwort I just don't have the space to hoard stuff. Anything I have no more use for gets recycled or goes to charity.

I will never, ever understand parents who don't enjoy making their children's lives that little bit easier and more luxurious. It's such a dour, grudging attitude.

I do understand, to some understand. But, put bluntly, my kids have grown up in a privileged environment, have had nice things bought for them and been on some lovely holidays over the years.

Having to sacrifice and make do with second hand stuff is environmentally friendly and part of learning to make money go further. For me, it's also part of the student experience. I don't want my kids thinking money's no object and everything has to be new. Ditto for funding his Uber and Deliveroo accounts at university which would also make his life a bit easier and more luxurious.

If that makes me dour and grudging, I'm happy to live with it.

*to some extent

I don't want my kids thinking money's no object and everything has to be new. Ditto for funding his Uber and Deliveroo accounts at university which would also make his life a bit easier and more luxurious.

I don't subscribe to that level of making life easier. My contribution was to ensure that DD had the basics for living independently - kitchen equipment, bedding etc, not funding Ubers and food deliveries. We didn't have any old stuff to recycle so DD got some stuff from Ikea and some from Sainsburies. Hardly luxurious.

There is a middle ground. 2003 - Mum took me to Ikea for a duvet cover, mini ironing board (catered college with formals so I needed ironed shirts fairly often), cushions, storage box, shower caddy - we had to lock anything we left under the bed between terms as they used the rooms as corporate lets! They paid accommodation and I used my loan for tuition and living.

Good job really. 2 years later I landed in France for my year abroad, totally alone, and had to find a flat. Had I been mollycoddled I'd have been home by October.

Well my DD started uni two years ago and lockdown was just about to start a gas again so we just piled into a huge Tescos round the corner from her new halls and bought bits there - food, bedding etc. She definitely needed it. Bedding was essential as her sheets/ duvet from home didn’t fit the bed in halls. Her granny gave her a few pans for the kitchen which was useful.

Early 1990s and we had to type everything we handed in (this news was a big shock to me on arrival). Didn't have a computer; they must have had them in the IT suite but I wouldn't have known how to use one anyway.

Bought a portable word processor which functioned as a typewriter with a floppy disk drive and a printer. It had a tiny green and black screen with only a few lines visible so I think it still used to write my essays with pen and paper and then type them up. And if you wanted a map or illustration in your printed essay, you had to leave a suitably sized gap on the page, photocopy it or draw it by hand and glue it in. Seems crazy now.

DD was the last person to leave her flat in halls and the amount of kitchen stuff that all these easy-come, spoilt kids left behind was appalling. Pans, whole sets of crockery, plug-in gadgets, loads of unopened food cans and packets. Easier to abandon it and get Mama to buy new again for second year. What a terrible attitude to life.

Blimey, there's a lot of room sharing involved at this US university, isn't there?

I had to share in my first year (76-77) at university but it was unusual even then. I took most of my stuff with me on the train but my parents came up the first full weekend to bring the rest in the car. As others have pointed out, we needed much less stuff in my day - all bedding was provided (sheets and blankets in those days) and washed as part of our rent - mine was £5.60 a week!

My eldest niece was taken down by her parents when she went up 3 years ago and my brother bothered a people carrier sort of vehicle because she had so much stuff to take. It's really different for these students these days, I think. A few parents do go a bit over the top, mind...

I think it's pretty unusual for parents to just put their kid on the train with whatever they could carry, but I also think a student is perfectly capable of popping out to the shops with their new mates to pick up things like stationery and a few bits for their room, and I remember that being quite a nice bonding experience with the other students I was living with. We all went out and got things like posters, cheap rag rugs etc.

How much you need also depends massively on what kind of accommodation you're in. Some halls of residence are catered - I got two out of three meals a day at mine, so the only 'kitchen stuff' we really needed was the barest basics for making a sandwich or heating a tin of beans. We also didn't need to provide our own bedding, although some of us did grab a duvet cover from home on our first weekends back with the parents because the ones provided in halls were a fairly unpleasant shade of peach.

I read a really bonkers post earlier today about the student not wanting to drink the local water and will be buying bottled water instead.

@Porseb I actually love them! 😂 I don’t get why some students live in little hovels for 3 years. My DD will have something like this if she goes to uni no doubt 😂

Thank god its not just me! Ds is going with his stuff(own duvet, pillows etc) bits and pieces from home that we don't use and a few new bits of clothes and shoes because he needs them for a residential quite early on in the year.

All I've seen is parents and child with trolleys full of new stuff and endless posts online(on wwidd) about how much they'll give them a week(average seems to be £70) and what they've bought.

@Louise0701 - it's a lot of effort as they won't stay in the same room for 3 years (probably moving every year!)

Definitely lots of inspiration in that link though

@Porseb I might save the link for 9 years time 😂 DD is very “into” design so I can definitely see her wanting something nice when older. She’s just designed her room in our new house and has good taste for 9! Good point about moving. Although I suppose it’s only the bed and provided furniture they’d have to leave.

I went to university in 1988 and remember my parents being fairly involved in getting me organised and getting me there. They drove me there (long way and not easy by public transport) at the start and end of each year but not the start and end of each term. I went to Cambridge so was catered and bedding was provided so less stuff required than DD needs, although i did take a duvet cover to personalise the room (which I disgarded quickly when I realised i would have to wash it myself whereas the ones provided would be changed and washed weekly). I think i took a small amount of crockery, cutlery etc from home but did not need pans , and my parents bought me a kettle and hairdryer. i remember going to a poster fare and plant sale in Cambridge for room decs.

I did an IKEA trip with DD last week. She wrote the list herself but needed me to get her there and pay. It made the whole thing feel more real and we both enjoyed it. She did get some new bedding, mainly because she has had a double bed at home for a while but will have a single at uni. She could use her double duvet on a single bed but would then need to get it home with her every holiday. We also got a couple of plates, glasses etc even though she is catered in the first year because not all meals are included and she may miss some due to activities. She will take mugs and cutlery from home through as we have plenty.

She is not taking any electricals other than her phone, hairdryer and laptop, partly because there are restrictions on what she is allowed to have and partly because she is not sure what she will really use. Oh, i did buy her a microwave toastie maker.
i have said that if she decides she needs a kettle or printer or whatever, I will order it on amazon and get it delivered to her or send something from home (she is getting the minimum loan so most of her money will come from us anyway and i would rather she enjoys her first term and feels settled without having to worry too much about money if she finds there are items that would make life easier).

She has not asked for new clothes - she has plenty (too many). We will drive her there so our boot space will constrain how many clothes she can bring! After that I would expect her to come and go by train.

She is collecting up stationery from home and will buy anything extra she needs when she arrives.

Overall, i think it is pretty similar to what my parents did reflecting the differences in type of accomodation and to some extent difference in financial position (I got a full maintenance grant plus also a little cash from my parents, DD gets minimum loan)

It's not so much an interest on WIWIKAU, more the micro-managing of their offspring's life and needing everything to be perfect, right down to the colour co-ordinated fairy lights. Photos of all the rooms will be on the site soon with a good deal of moaning about the lack of storage space.

But money really isn't an object for us. Our DDs have grown up with a certain level of luxury and comfort. I don't think it particularly worthy or character building to suddenly expect them to use 2nd hand stuff and eat cheap baked beans.

We won't be paying for Deliveroo, but their allowances are generous enough to let them eat well and get the occasional take out, too. We absolutely will be paying for their Uber accounts, with the proviso that it's only to be used if they somehow get separated from friends late at night etc. Or if it's chucking it down with rain when they get off the train and they're probably lugging several bags. Again, I don't see why it's 'enriching' to make them walk 2 miles in heavy rain back to their room.

An island in Hawaii maybe? I thought the military were bad on acronyms........!

It depends, I had a shopping trip with my mum to buy pans/cutlery/plates/bedding etc (this is fairly normal in terms of what my fellow uni friends had).
I do think the "child" needs to take responsibility however. I see a lot of parents doing everything for their children and fussing about them going to uni etc, and it's not helpful as the kid needs to learn to be independent.