OTT Preparations for sending DC to university?

[sheepdogdelight]

I'm on WIWIKAU and am finding the level of preparation that some parents are making for their children going to university to be - a lot ...

When I went to university, my parents dropped me off at the station and I had a rucksack and 2 suitcases as that was all I could carry. I took basically clothes, books and a few kitchen basics that I'd bought from a charity shop. My parents bought me nothing.

By contrast it seems that everyone in WIWIKAU is buying up new sets of bedding, kitchen stuff, piles of stationary, random things that might be useful - it's all paid for and in most cases organised by parents.

I accept that my parents were at the "uninvolved" end of the parental spectrum, but is the WIWIKAU type parent the norm these days? Seems a bit OTT?

It's the envelopes for me - "Open this when...." containing spare money, vouchers for shops etc.
You can show your children love and support without doing / paying for absolutely everything for them.
I may be seen as mean, but my three will go knowing how to cook, shop, budget, wash and iron and all the rest. I lived with a girl in Uni whose parents would drive 1.5 hours each way every weekend to take her shopping for food and take her dirty washing away, to wash and iron for the next week.

Lots of WIWIKAU parents are v OTT and probably do their DC no good in the long term.

Some parents (as clearly evidenced by this thread) are/were nonchalant to the point of dismissive. Which is not necessarily a good thing either!

As with all these things there's a spectrum, and most of us fall sensibly somewhere in the middle. Most of us will be supportive and engaged but not OTT.

I don't agree it's a modern thing to be interested in your DC's university experience either. I went to uni 30+ years ago and took a combination of new and existing stuff to my hall of residence. Shock horror, even then, back in the dark ages of 1990 my parents bought me some new bits and pieces and drove me to campus and paid for a food shop and helped me organise and settle into my room!

DS is off to uni later this month and, as I did, will be taking a mixture of stuff from home and a few new bits and pieces and, shock horror, we'll be driving him to campus and paying for a food shop and helping him settle into his room. Shoot us all now.

DHs parents moved house when he was in first year and forgot to tell him the details so he came home in the holidays and didn't know where to find them!
I'm on a Facebook page for a certain Scottish uni popular with internationals particularly Americans. Boy do they go OTT, darlings a used to high thread count sheets and down mattress toppers must be purchased. They want exact brand names of clothing listed and they all provide fancy Mac books, not to mention the fancy hotels they statay in when they come over and the restaurants they go to that I've never been to.... I end up feeling like a right peasant. They complain about the student hall room and food in a very in British way too,, makes me all defensive.

I went to university in the early 80s
Mum took me to woolworths and bought me saucepans and plates (which I still use) and I took an old duvet from home, my Dad drove me there, it took 6 hours.
When my DS and DD went to uni they took a mix of things from the loft and things we bought for them. It took 2 car journeys to get DD home at the end of the 3rd year fortunately only a 2 hour journey.

We don't have loads of spare stuff so have done an Ikea shop and found some bits from home. Dd has a studio with kitchenette so does need kitchen equipment etc. We will take her and make sure she has everything needed to get started. I'm abroad though so no loans. Tuition is 800 euros a year so we will pay that and her rent. She is expected to find a job. There is a balance to be had between getting them all set up away from home and ongoing micro management.

You have just reminded me of the girl in my halls who got her parents to remove the provided mattress and replace it with her own, much posher one!

I went to uni in 1990 and went into catered halls so didn't need cooking equipment but my parents bought me bedding, towels, folders, pens and all that sort of stuff. When I moved into a student flat in the second year they bought me a microwave too.

Dd moves next week.

She isn’t taking pans from here, because we need pans. Why would I give her mine and buy new for the house and how is that no different.

She isn’t taking her quilt cover and pillows, so if she wants to come home at the weekend, she doesn’t have to bring the bedding back, each time or during Christmas and Easter break. We have loads of bottom sheets and quilt covers so she will be taking them.

She has got bedding, crockery, some stuff to decorate her room, new clothes, toiletries, new towels/bath mat etc, stationary and back pack for her laptop, spare chargers. My dad has an air fryer if she wants it, but she is waiting to see if she does. A toastie maker.

Me and dad are dropping her at Uni, will unpack the boxes into her room (she wants to unpack the boxes herself) and take her for lunch and a supermarket shop. Then leave her to it.

I have no idea if people consider us doing ‘alot’ or ‘not much’ because I don’t really think that much about what other people are doing OR what they think of what we are doing.

90s here. I had an old quilt, new bed linen including an IKEA throw and cushions (because your bed is also your sofa in halls), a new patterned single set of crockery and cutlery with brightly coloured handles (so it was obviously mine), a laundry hamper, a small kettle, a box of essentials like washing up liquid, tea towels, coffee, biscuits, tinned beans and soup, noodles and some fresh fruit. I didn’t have a mobile or a laptop and the only people who had email addresses were friends at other universities. That seems insane now.

I forgot about the magic pan. It had a removable handle so it could go in the microwave as well as on the hob. I had it for almost 10 years!

I had a full on pc and I was very lucky to have it (my dad worked with computers so I had an old one) and in my 3rd year he got me a printer out the skip which was a massive office one! I was so fancy!

Too true but my parents still spent thousands in the 1990s, both teachers, I got no grant at all so they paid it all.

The only person I knew well who had a computer for work was a girl who lived at home. Her parents had used the money they saved on her accommodation to buy it for her.

Yabu. Why does this bother you, this has nothing to do with you. This from a mum of a Uni student that took next to nothing with him at his insistence…then had to buy it all later.

I think it's part and parcel of the cult of parenthood/child centric society.

There are often threads from people about their over 18 offspring on here where the parent is (still) trying to solve the problem for them.

You also see it at uni open days. My parents would never have thought to accompany me, it was a step in my independence to go alone to various UK cities.

Life is harder and more expensive now so I can see why it's like this.

’You also see it at uni open days. My parents would never have thought to accompany me, it was a step in my independence to go alone to various UK cities.’

Just because your parents didn’t do it doesn’t mean that it was standard for your generation as a whole.

I never wanted to go home when I left for uni so filled the (old style 4x4, just to show size) car with everything I could think of. All my bedding. All my personal possessions, all gadgets, all clothes, all CDs, all books, all photo albums, towels, posters, all toiletries, mementoes, my teddy, a larder full of food etc. It was packed to the roof!

When I arrived I noticed no one else had brought quite so much!

I agree that many people are hugely involved these days but this tlkind of

I had a forces childhood and went to so many schools I’ve lost count, changed yearly and walked in alone from 4. My parents still took me to Uni and I’ll be taking my dc. 🤷‍♀️I won’t be buying air fryers or sending uber eats though.

My mum bought me some new bedding and gave me a lot of her old spare stuff- plates, towels, duvet, etc. Then I took myself to Wilkos for a cheap microwave, some knives, random bits and bobs.

Been over 10 years since I started uni and only recently that I’ve started to replace some of that stuff! We’ve still got the bright pink chopping knife I chose when I was 18 because it was pretty. Towels were John Lewis and still going strong.

This kind of fits in with how people parent these days. Twenty five years ago I was dropped off with some kitchen bits and some bedding and towels. I think I was taken to supermarket and that was that. Kitchen bits were a hodge podge of stuff from my mum and some basics from shop. Bedding was my stuff from home etc.

Have had three go to Uni…definitely just stick to bedding,a mug ,plate ,cutlery .
Most campuses has an essential shop close by where they can get extra stuff for a lot less than your local cheap shop!
Don’t overthink their needs ,they will work it out for themselves.

I applied to uni to attend in 2000. My parents came to open days and so did loads of other peoples parents.

DD asked me to come to her open days, so I did. The vast majority had parents with them. One had a girlfriend who kicked off when the applicants were taken off to do some stuff alone. She started crying and carrying on and wanting to attend the session for applicants. Poor lad missed loads trying to calm her down. A couple of others turned up alone and the University staff really looked after them. There was a session set up for just parents to speak to the lecturers, the student union, student support etc.

The whole thing was set up with the expectation that parents would attend.

i find the ‘my parents didn’t do xyz’ a very strange thing to say, so you can judge other parents that are more involved.

I have got involved as and when my dd asked me too. Which was quite a lot. And why not? She values my opinion, but I also know she will then make the decision she feels is best. And that’s fine. She picked her uni, not me. Though I agreed it was the better choice. She booked the accommodation I wasn’t so keen on. But after a few months and speaking to others, I think she was right.

Having parents involved doesn’t mean the parents are over involved. You can be involved without smothering

I went in the 90s and was the first person in my family to go.

None of us knew what it was usual to take - I had my clothes, some books from the reading list we were sent, my pencil case and pad of lined paper, a small wash bag and my bedding and towel - I could carry it all myself.

I do recall going on a shopping trip with my parents to get some new clothes and bedding.
My parents would have scrimped and saved to kit me out, I have no doubt, but we didn’t know what kit we needed!

No kitchen stuff - but I was in catered accommodation (though I quickly discovered I was the only person with no kettle, drinking vessels, cutlery, plates etc).

No computer - I wrote everything by hand.

No sports equipment - didn’t occur to me.

I remedied the kettle situation in the first couple of weeks, and returned with quite a bit more stuff in my second term - including a mini iron and ironing board!

I think it’s natural to want your dc to be suitably equipped, and it’s great that it’s so easy now to find out what sort of things it might be useful to take.