Friend will only pay me back if I allow her to live with me

[losca]

Two years ago I gave my friend a loan of £4k as she was in a precarious financial situation having not been able to break her lease when her MSc came to an end as she had anticipated (she was screwed over by landlord so I was very sympathetic as I experienced similar).

In contrast, I was living at home (moved back in during Covid) and was able to save so more than happy to help. My dad basically convinced me to give up a few years of my life in order to get on the property ladder in London.

My friend has known my plan has always been to buy a house and use rent from housemates to cover the rent (wish I had never shared my bloody life plan with her now). My friend also knows roughly what the mortgage will be -- foolishly shared Rightmove link with her.

I've lost a lot of respect for her as she has far exceeded the date we agreed that she would pay me back by. Anyway, I'm really shocked that she has essentially said she will only be able to afford to pay be back if she moves into my new house (rent is far below market rate).

There's no way I want to live with her due to the way she has conducted herself but I really feel like she is blackmailing me. She has slagged me off to anyone who will listen and shared my every detail of finances - savings, salary etc. to mutual friends.

I drafted a contract (independent witness also signed) but I'm worried it's meaningless. I cannot afford to walk away from the money as I need to set up home with it.

The OP is talking about taking in lodgers- the regulation applying to landlords doesn't apply where the house is shared with an owner- occupier unless the lodger has a completely self- contained flat.

www.citizensinformation.ie/en/housing/renting_a_home/sharing_accommodation_with_your_landlord.html

Do not, under any circumstances, let her move in!! She will not pay you rent and she won't pay back the £4K she owes you either. If you have it in writing you lent her that money then take her to court asap. Then drop her like a hot brick she sounds truly vile. Also never lend anyone money ever again. I'm speaking from experience sadly.

‘So the most logical course of action is to gift her the money in a form of wealth redistribution. You save face in front of friends, she isn't thrown out of the country from a money-grabbing GC capitalist and you also can feel the moral superiority of not having gone to the small claims court like most of us would.’

Oo-er, talk about putting one’s money where one’s mouth is. 😉

I personally believe it is immoral to exploit the human need for shelter so am happy to set rent at mortgage + bills

That's just pious waffle.

Re small claims court - if the OP won, which I sure she would based off the details she's given us, what would happen if the 'friend' didn't pay up? Could they do a wages arrestment/bailiffs etc?

@TheLassWiADelicateAir I made the post about landlords’ obligations mostly in relation to the “ friend’s” sob story about being screwed over by her landlord. I haven’t RTWT so I don’t know if the OP is in Ireland, you have linked to the Irish Citizens Advice page. I agree taking in lodgers isn’t as onerous legally as letting out a whole property, but there are still obligations. If the OP is taking rent from her lodgers in the U.K. she has to e.g. get yearly gas safety certificates, make sure all furniture provided is fire safety compliant etc. It might also affect her mortgage. She can’t freestyle it, tenants and lodgers are increasingly clued up about their rights.

If she moves in she'll end up taking over her life.

Get rid of her (not literally!)

I'd be very tempted to write off the loan and move on.

Letting her (or any of your friends) rent from you is a bad idea in your situation as your friends are going to expect you to subsidize them if they have a bad month etc. by letting them off their rent even though it may jeopardize everyone’s housing situation. And the rest of your friendship group is not going to support you against other members of the group. They’re going to think of you as richer than them because you have put long term investment over short term enjoyment. They might be supportive if they don’t know your tenants, or at least not let it hurt your friendship.

I think this is a fairly typical attitude in young socialist leaning friendship groups. It was that way in the 60s/70s when my mum was a young adult, and the 80s/90s when I was. It’s not an integral part of being left leaning, more of being young, valuing the immediate and not really being aware of the cost of infrastructure. Serious socialism requires significant sacrifice and investment. When more of your group have grown up a bit and started looking beyond the day-to-day I think you’ll have company, but when you’re the first of the generation to look at making the sacrifice to invest in the future you can have a hard time of it.

You have to be born well off to be able to hold such naive views, there isn't a country on earth where extreme socialism exists, so called socialist countries have the greatest unequitable societies.
Reading some of OP's posts I have lost any ympathy for her, she can't make her mind up what she wants. As the saying goes, the friend saw her coming.

It seems you want your conscience and the approval of your left-leaning friends, AND your £4K back without her in your house.

In this instance, it looks like it’s one or the other.

Take her to court.

Do NOT let this person in your home.

She's not your friend.

Yes this situation is definitely your parents’ fault. If they had not allowed you to live in their home rent free for years so that you could save a huge sum of money for a house deposit in London, none of this would have happened

I hope you will go no contact with them, so they don’t mess up any more of your life. Make sure to tell them to disinherit you as well, so as not to offend your principles.

IME, nothing would happen if the ‘friend’ didn’t want it to.

We used to let a house, and one tenant failed the credit check, but offered to pay a year’s rent up front. The agent talked us into it, saying it would be fine because we could give them notice towards the end of the tenancy. The fact they failed the credit check meant we couldn’t get the landlords’ legal insurance which we had had before. It had proved very handy, because the previous tenants had stopped paying the rent. The insurance covered the unpaid rent less half a month, and the legal process of evicting them.

So when thy defaulted on the rent after paying just one month after the end of the year they had paid up front for (the agent conveniently forgot to issue the paperwork about renewal or end of tenancy), we had to engage our own solicitor to go through the process and evict them. We simultaneously took them to the small claims court for the unpaid rent, which by the time the legal process was exhausted and they actually left, was around £6K. They also trashed the place leaving us with a £4K bill to put it right and redecorate, plus a £1,500 bill for the solicitor.

We engaged the High Court Enforcement Officer to enforce the CCJ. But the ex-tenants were conveniently never at their parents’ address where they were allegedly living and had no possessions, including the car they were driving round in - that belonged to the parents. Strange, really, because they had had furniture and possessions when they lived in our house. So they had no assets which could be seized and apparently no earnings which could be attached to. So we never got a penny.

£11.5K we will never get back. It is because of people like this I would never again rent to someone who wasn’t completely belt and braces gold-plated able and willing to pay their rent. Fortunately, the next tenants were lovely, looked after the house, paid the rent on time for 8 years and then bought the house from us.

I also have left-leaning principles, and people need places to live. However, social housing is the role of government/charities, not of a landlord with one property, which was actually their own guarantee of a home in retirement, being as they were themselves living in job-related accommodation. If I wanted to accommodate people for free, I would do it. I didn’t - I offered a lovely well-maintained house for a fair rent, and the CFs took advantage of it.

So, OP - if you want the warm fuzzy feeling of providing accommodation for someone who can’t otherwise afford to live in London, crack on and let ‘friend’ into your home. But don’t surprised if you don’t get either the minimal rent you’re asking for, or any of the £4K back. And don’t say you weren’t warned.

I personally believe it is immoral to exploit the human need for shelter so am happy to set rent at mortgage + bills

Don't forget to include the costs of maintenance, insurance and extra tax etc, otherwise you are massively subsidising others to your cost. Which will catch up with you when for example your boiler needs replacing and you don't have the cash and your tenants are seeking reductions/relocation as there is no hot water...

You will also find you might end up with folks noone else will rent (for good reason) to if you are massively under the local market. You'd do better charging the 'correct' rent and using the 'profit' to do something useful I suspect.

The problem with this is that you assume she has the same morals as you... whereas in actual fact she thinks because you have saved to buy your house (even if that meant putting your mental health at risk to do so), she is entitled to share by not only stealing £4,000 from you which let's face it she never intended to pay back, but also thinks you should go on subsidising her living costs going forward (because she will not pay any rent when she moves in).

are you insaine!?

take her to court get your money back - SHE IS USING YOU!!!

she is NOT a friend.

get a backbone and say NO

harsh but true.

You are a mug OP. A nice friend, but a mug.

Sorry OP- you need a head wobble and separate your head from your heart.

Tell her she has xxx months to pay the money back and if it’s not paid small claims court.

Under no circumstances let her move in. She is not your friend and she is not your responsibility. You have a lot of emotional growth to do and she knows you have been naive and is totally exploiting you.

She will screw you over again and again. The mutual friends she is telling, if they are genuine friends will not give this behaviour of hers the time of day. However if they are then you need to rethink your friendship circles.

Don't be ridiculous. You're in that position because of a combination of financial stability and support from your parents and a good job. That's not luck, it's exactly what the class system does.

It doesn't change the fact that you've been grifted from and she's now attempting to cuckoo you.

That's the thing about actually being poor, you see cunts like these get shit handed to them on a plate because they scrounge for it. And some well-meaning numpty hands it over because they'd rather lose the equivalent of four months' income but for them just over a fortnight than have their equally privileged buddies say 'oh, isn't that a little mean? Can't you #bekind?' as though reputation is worth more than anything else.

She's taking you for a mug
You know it , put your big girl pants on and deal with it head on
She is
Fire with fire
Four thousand bloody pounds , plus a place to live in London under the market
Value ? Hmm let's think about it

She is a terrible friend. Given that the £4k is probably a write-off (have you told her that without the return of the £4k there is no house anyway?) I think it would be best for you if she did naff off somewhere that she can make no more grief for you.

Also it would be good if you learned to believe that you are not personally responsible for all the ills of capitalism and it is ok to take care of yourself first. Nobody else can do this for you and surely socialism means you are worth as much as any other person?

Honestly, this entire situation makes me regret listening to my parents. I would never have saved that money to lend had I not moved back home and my mental state would be far better!

Yeah those bastards letting you live rent free to get on the property ladder years earlier than you would have been able to otherwise 🙄

I agree that billionaires should not exist. I also believe in taxing the most from the top down and a living wage for everyone to make it work. That’s not the system we live with though. In any kind of environment, regardless of the economy, there are people who will take advantage of others. This is your so-called friend. If she genuinely cared about your friendship, she would have prioritized repaying you to avoid resentment or embarrassment. She didn’t she just assumed that she would be entitled to your money. If she did move in, she would undoubtedly expect you to cover her expenses also. She thinks nothing about complaining about your expectation of repayment to your friends - giving the impression that YOU are being unreasonable. She has no respect for you and she is undermining your status in your social group to ensure that you continue to cover her by offering accommodation. I think you are hiding low self-esteem behind your explanations of conscience.

Who cares what she thinks/says about you. Agree with what PP said, she's not your friend. Small claims court and whatever you do, don't let her in your house!

Tell her not possible as you have agteed tenants.
Ask her for Plean to repay.

If.not adhered to take to small.claims.

Stop being friends with thos parasite.