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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend will only pay me back if I allow her to live with me

306 replies

losca · 03/09/2022 13:19

Two years ago I gave my friend a loan of £4k as she was in a precarious financial situation having not been able to break her lease when her MSc came to an end as she had anticipated (she was screwed over by landlord so I was very sympathetic as I experienced similar).

In contrast, I was living at home (moved back in during Covid) and was able to save so more than happy to help. My dad basically convinced me to give up a few years of my life in order to get on the property ladder in London.

My friend has known my plan has always been to buy a house and use rent from housemates to cover the rent (wish I had never shared my bloody life plan with her now). My friend also knows roughly what the mortgage will be -- foolishly shared Rightmove link with her.

I've lost a lot of respect for her as she has far exceeded the date we agreed that she would pay me back by. Anyway, I'm really shocked that she has essentially said she will only be able to afford to pay be back if she moves into my new house (rent is far below market rate).

There's no way I want to live with her due to the way she has conducted herself but I really feel like she is blackmailing me. She has slagged me off to anyone who will listen and shared my every detail of finances - savings, salary etc. to mutual friends.

I drafted a contract (independent witness also signed) but I'm worried it's meaningless. I cannot afford to walk away from the money as I need to set up home with it.

OP posts:
Bekstar · 04/09/2022 17:59

Are u in UK if so let the house as agreed with a short-holf tenancy and evict her after 6 month on a section 21. Otherwise you could get her to confirm the amount she owes you via email or text so you have ammo to pursue the debt and don't allow her to move in.

indie123 · 04/09/2022 18:14

I had a similar situation and I will say from experience… don’t do it

nannykatherine · 04/09/2022 18:21

Small claims court then cut her off as she is a manipulating cow

Leafy3 · 04/09/2022 18:22

I agree 100% with the first reply you received.

And I say that as a progressive, left winger who feels the same as your friends do about wealth.

Definitely do not have her move in with you (are you crazy?!)

ChrisConary · 04/09/2022 18:24

If she hasn't made an honest effort to pay back money you loaned to her, do you honestly think she will pay her rent? She likely will move in, become a squatter, ruin your home, and eat your groceries.

CMZ2018 · 04/09/2022 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

WTAFhappened123 · 04/09/2022 18:32

The more I’m reading your posts the less sympathy I’m feeling for you! Grow a pair if you want your money back! She is not a friend she is a CF and you’re facilitating this CF behavior!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/09/2022 18:39

DO NOT LET THIS PERSON IN YOUR HOUSE.

She is not a friend. She has not paid you back and she has slagged you off to all and sundry. And now she's trying to blackmail you!

Report her to the police and take her to the small claims court (not sure what the limit is). But you can sue her to return the money.

Of all the cheeky fuckers I've heard about on MN, she takes the biscuit.

crochetmonkey74 · 04/09/2022 18:39

OP , there's wanting to be moral and socialist and then there is continuing to queue up to get slapped in the face.
She's not a nice person, she will never see that you are treating her properly, she will use you

cannockcandy · 04/09/2022 18:41

I agree with others here. Take her to court, get Jr all sorted that way and cut the friendship loose. Its disgusting she is treating you this way after you loaning her such a massive sum!

StaplesCorner · 04/09/2022 18:44

I don’t see why you posted. You’re clearly wanting her to move in so then what - you enjoy the drama and dress it up as morals? Just write off the £4k then your conscience is salved surely?

Burgoo · 04/09/2022 18:50

I'd personally draw up an agreement with ANYONE I was lending even 1/4 of that to. Unless you have clear evidence that you gave it to her, it may well be her word against yours. A bank transfer is enough though some people want cash.

I wonder how long the OP had known this "friend" for? These types of people are often repeated offenders; moving from person to person to fund a lifestyle.

Take her to court as others have suggested. Or depending on what your other friends are like you could have someone pop over to hers for a "gentle conversation".

MsRosley · 04/09/2022 18:52
  1. This woman in nowhere near deserving the title of friend
  2. Your friendship group needs to grow up
  3. Take her to court
  4. Don't let yourself be guilt tripped by toxic people in future
PieceofKate · 04/09/2022 18:59

wellhelloitsme · 03/09/2022 23:07

Honestly, this entire situation makes me regret listening to my parents. I would never have saved that money to lend had I not moved back home and my mental state would be far better!

Yeah those bastards letting you live rent free to get on the property ladder years earlier than you would have been able to otherwise 🙄

This. They are clearly thoroughly horrible parents who have not only caused this bad debt situation but also, apparently, persuaded the OP to "basically give up" four years of her life in the shape of living with them rent-free. Awful people.

Irridescantshimmmer · 04/09/2022 19:04

Have you considered taking your'friend' to a small claims court?

The Citizens advice bureau can email you some official court letters (small claims court) which will suggest you are serious, and no way should she be making atrocious demands on you by threatening you with living with her.....because she is one cheeeeeeeeky mare!

Rachand23 · 04/09/2022 19:06

Kiss your money goodbye. Even if you take her to a small claims court, you will never see it again, best get used to the idea now. Don’t dwell on it, get on with your life and learn from a hard life lesson. You will come out of this and the so called friend will always be one of life’s takers (and a looser to boot).

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 04/09/2022 19:08

I imagine it will be hard for her to wriggle out of given you have a contract. Print out all messages you have regarding the loan and you can ask the witness to write a statement. Absolutely take her to court. Shes no friend.

Friendofdennis · 04/09/2022 19:15

It seems that she is jealous of you because through parental support you have been able to save to get yourself on the property ladder. You don’t have to feel guilty about your family support. She needs to pay you back

Everyflippingusernameistaken · 04/09/2022 19:23

Send a Solicitor's letter telling her to pay up within 28 days. Take her to court. She is no friend!

Kazibar · 04/09/2022 19:24

I’d but really frank with her that you tried to do her a favor as a friend. Friends stick to agreements. They don’t blackmail each other!

VivX · 04/09/2022 19:29

Socialism does not mean not paying a debt owed to a friend.
Socialism does not involve acting like an arse (the friend, not the OP)
Socialism does not mean that you have to be a doormat.

Take her to the small claims court.
Being screwed over by a manipulative "friend" does not make you a socialist or earn you socialist brownie points.

Or write-off the debt and let her move in. That's still not socialism. That's being a mug.

Also, the comment about wishing you had not listened to your parents and moved back in with them, allowing you to save money - that makes no sense at all.
Your parents are not to blame for this siutation. Your poor choice of adult friends and subsequent choices is what has gotten to you into this situation.

Maryminx · 04/09/2022 19:44

She is not your friend!
Write her a short letter asking payment within say 28days, otherwise u are going to use the small claims court.Send by registered mail.

Then go to the small claims court, this is easy.
Don’t have any further conversation with her.
We have all over shared info at sometime.😀

Hopeandlove · 04/09/2022 19:46

You have been told over and over she is not a friend and she has no morals.

Letter before actions -28 days file on line. It's easy just do it
www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/legal-system/small-claims/making-a-small-claim/

bluesapphire48 · 04/09/2022 19:47

You have nothing to lose by taking her to small claims court, as long as you can prove you gave her the money and she agreed to pay you back.

She is NO FRIEND, so you are not losing any friendship by taking legal action against her.

Not only would I never invite this woman into my house, I wouldn't even open the door to her. If you have not yet told her what your new address is, then DON'T. She is a parasite, plain and simple.

FinallyHere · 04/09/2022 19:47

The "small claims' court is designed for exactly this situation.

www.gov.uk/make-court-claim-for-money

Start your claim right away. You will see that you are expected to set the interest rates incurred from the date the loan was due to be paid back.

You can then write to your 'friend' to set out that you expect the money back and that interest which will actually from x date, so it is in their interest to pay it back.

If they don't pay back by return, submit the claim right away.

I'm afraid that there is not really much you can do, if they refuse. You can get the court to rule in your favour but that still doesn't mean they will pay you back

Again, only ever can loan money you can afford to write off. Sorry.

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