To think my husband is an areshole

[Lilyrose23]

Yesterday our son fractured his knee and is having emergency surgery on Monday. DH was on the way to the airport when I found out surgery was happening. I called him to get our health insurance info and briefly explain the surgery. A hurried call as we were at the doctors office and they were waiting for the insurance policy info. DS ( 12) had a massive panic attack at the mention of surgery and it was a hugely stressful morning. The next comms I get from DH is a what’s app phots of a plate of nice food and a large glass of wine with the simple message ‘ ahh business class lounge is nice’. AIBU to feel utterly fucked off…. No enquiry after our son, so seeing if I was ok ( tearful mess), no offer to not go away and come home and be around for the surgery. He was flying off not on work but to see friends……

[bloodyunicorns]

What an absolute tool. I hope your son recovers quickly.

[Aquamarine1029]

And why did OP not request DH to cancel his trip?

It's a really fucking sad day when you have to actually ask your husband to cancel a trip so he can be with his family whilst his child has emergency surgery.

If I had to ask, I wouldn't even fucking bother, and I would then be seeing a solicitor as soon as my child had recovered.

[Imissmoominmama]

Bloody hell- what a twat!

Hope all goes well for your son.

[Bubblyinblanch]

I'd bin off someone with so little concern for his own son.

[MrsElijahMikaelson1]

He’s an arsehole for sure. I would have difficulty moving past this

[Lilyrose23]

This

[Lilyrose23]

Incorrect. We were aware his knee was injured. The MRI confirmed his patella (since you like medical accuracy) was fractured and this led to the decision for emergency surgery. Anyway I am not here to discuss semantics but thanks for your input.

[Lilyrose23]

Exactly ! That is the hardest part of alll ! That he didn’t want to come back !!

[chilliesandspices]

I'm going to be honest... I wouldn't see knee surgery as a big deal. Certainly not something to cancel a prior commitment for if there's another adult taking care of it.

[GertieWooster]

@chilliesandspices

I'm going to be honest... I wouldn't see knee surgery as a big deal. Certainly not something to cancel a prior commitment for if there's another adult taking care of it.

But the OP (and her husband) have 2 other children that also need to be looked after. She's already said her DS is scared so needs someone with him as much as possible, she can't be in 2 places at once. That's without mentioning the emotional support that a wife might reasonably expect from a husband

[Gildedcage]

I hope your son is ok and is comfortable. Hugs to you also, I don’t care how routine other posters think it is, I’d be beside myself if it were one of mine.

For those saying Yabu I would ask if the shoe were on the other foot would you have just continued on. How as a parent could you go away on a leisure trip and enjoy it knowing your child was being operated on and your spouse was alone trying to juggle looking after the other children.

You won’t forget this…and you’ll never look at him in quite the same way. You might stay together but you won’t be able to get back the respect.

Thinking of you

[giveovernate]

@DrawingdowntheMoon

OP,
I'm a bit puzzled by your post.

Was your DH going away on a business trip or was it a holiday?

I am also wondering why you had to ring him for the insurance details? Surely they should have been accessible in the house in case of emergency?

So what are you actually saying here?

The OP shouldn't disturb DH with trivia like where is the policy number?

I mean what's that got to do with him sending photos of his food and drink?

[BlackCoffeeAndToast]

Wait, so he wasn't even on the plane when you told him about the surgery? Is that right? And then he left anyway, and boasted to you about what a wonderful time he was having?

He doesn't deserve to come home.

[OLP2019]

Wouldn't necessarily expect him to cancel a trip if it was fairly routine surgery and I was coping ok however I would absolutely expect regular and empathetic check ins with both me and child
Pic of business class larging it up would not have gone down well at all

[OLP2019]

Oh wait missed that it wasn't a work trip - yeah i would probably be upset if he still went on a jolly in those circumstances and no I would not expect to have to ask him to do so

[giveovernate]

@chilliesandspices

I'm going to be honest... I wouldn't see knee surgery as a big deal. Certainly not something to cancel a prior commitment for if there's another adult taking care of it.

Do you see looking after three children, one having surgery and two at home as a big deal?

How does OP balance that alone?

I'm sure you can give some tips?

[k1233]

@chilliesandspices it actually is a big deal. My friend broke hers at Easter. Still doing physio etc to get range of movement back. Very painful for the first month or two. Difficult to get around. Way different to a broken lower leg or arm. The leg can't be bent at all for ages - travelling home with a fully straightened leg is a challenge even moreso if there are other passengers on the back seat .

OP I'd anticipate that DS 12 will be very uncomfortable for the week your DH is away. It is rather shit on DHs part. How old are your other kids? My friend used a leg lifter strap to help get her leg up and down when sitting. Also used a combination of pillows to prop the foot at comfortable levels / positions.

[FrenchFancie]

I think it depends - my OH can be remarkably dense when it comes to medical matters, we’ve had two ‘emergency’ situations since we’ve been married when either myself or DC could have died / were seriously ill and both times he didn’t get the seriousness of the situation until I pointed it out in no uncertain terms. I don’t fully know why this is the way he is - his Dad is / was a doctor and presented every family emergency (and in fact still does) as ‘no big deal’ - drives me mad because I have enough medical knowledge to know sometimes that this isn’t the case.

anyway, unless I has told DH ‘ this is serious and you need to come back’ I can see how he would have carried on, and then been mortified when I told him what was what!

(example would be that DC had a big asthma attack, he had been out on his bike and I got hold of him while we were in the ambulance so he could hear the sirens - his response was to go home, have a shower and pitch up to the hospital 2 hours later after DC was stabilised - I had not told him how serious things were as I didn’t want to say in front of DC and cause more fear, he had assumed it was all ok because I hadn’t said explicitly that he needed to get his shit in gear. I had assumed the ambulance and sirens would be a clue but he didn’t see it that way).

[ErinAoife]

Had same experience with ex husband. Our 5 years old was knocked down by a car in our estate, ex hubbie was travelling with friends abroad but was still at airport when I told him about the accident, our son wasn't injured but was shocked, husband did not offer to come home which was fine with me because our son wasn't hurt however was got me mad was that he never rang once to check on him. And when he came home and I asked why he never once called his reply was he had a good time and was enjoying himself too much that he never occurred him to ring home. Selfish man.

Hope your son is recovering good and that you are ok.

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

I can imagine my exh pulling this stunt tbh. “Oh it’s all booked and paid for” “you’ll manage”, “I can’t let x down”, “ask your mum to help” etc

And that would be after actually being asked - no chance he’d have proactively made the decision as a decent parent would.


Theres a reason he’s an ex though.

[calmlakes]

DH would definitely expect me to tell him and he would immediately cancel his work trip and come home.
I know this because he has done similar things in the past.
Sometimes I maybe don't give him enough credit.

[chilliesandspices]

I missed the bit about two other kids. It wasn't in the OP so assumed it was just DS12 at home.

[SleeplessInEngland]

What was the food he had?

[Anamechangeisasgoodasarest]

@SleeplessInEngland

What was the food he had?

Why on earth do you need to know this?

What possible difference does it make to the situation?

[giveovernate]

Hope all does well today OP.