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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband is an areshole

153 replies

Lilyrose23 · 03/09/2022 13:08

Yesterday our son fractured his knee and is having emergency surgery on Monday. DH was on the way to the airport when I found out surgery was happening. I called him to get our health insurance info and briefly explain the surgery. A hurried call as we were at the doctors office and they were waiting for the insurance policy info. DS ( 12) had a massive panic attack at the mention of surgery and it was a hugely stressful morning. The next comms I get from DH is a what’s app phots of a plate of nice food and a large glass of wine with the simple message ‘ ahh business class lounge is nice’. AIBU to feel utterly fucked off…. No enquiry after our son, so seeing if I was ok ( tearful mess), no offer to not go away and come home and be around for the surgery. He was flying off not on work but to see friends……

OP posts:
DrawingdowntheMoon · 03/09/2022 17:04

OP,
I'm a bit puzzled by your post.

Was your DH going away on a business trip or was it a holiday?

I am also wondering why you had to ring him for the insurance details? Surely they should have been accessible in the house in case of emergency?

mamabear715 · 03/09/2022 17:12

RTFT people..

Anamechangeisasgoodasarest · 03/09/2022 17:15

DrawingdowntheMoon · 03/09/2022 17:04

OP,
I'm a bit puzzled by your post.

Was your DH going away on a business trip or was it a holiday?

I am also wondering why you had to ring him for the insurance details? Surely they should have been accessible in the house in case of emergency?

Well go back and read the OP again.

Your questions were answered in the very first post.

WillPowerLite · 03/09/2022 17:23

Wow. YANBU. That's next level.

DrawingdowntheMoon · 03/09/2022 17:24

My mistake - but that doesn't explain why the insurance details weren't available, especially as DH knew son had had an accident?

In any event he could have cancelled the flight yesterday when DS was injured and claimed on the insurance.

OP did you request he cancel when DS got injured, and if so what was his response?.

Anamechangeisasgoodasarest · 03/09/2022 17:34

@DrawingdowntheMoon "My mistake - but that doesn't explain why the insurance details weren't available, especially as DH knew son had had an accident?"

DH was on the way to the airport when I found out surgery was happening. I called him to get our health insurance info and briefly explain the surgery. A hurried call as we were at the doctors office and they were waiting for the insurance policy info

The answer is literally written in the OP.

girlmom21 · 03/09/2022 17:52

Changed my mind now you said you have other kids too. Who's he expecting to do the school runs and childcare while you're at the hospital and caring for DS post op? What's his plan for if DS needs to stay in overnight?

Qik · 03/09/2022 17:56

I am going to be critical of your post @Lilyrose23

Firstly, Ares was the son of Zeus and held the powers of war and courage. I do not think it achieves anything to accuse your DH of being an 'Ares-hole' - if I may paraphrase - 'The hole of the son of Zeus'.

But I am going to give you full credit for your perfunctory use of the word, which avoided to oft incorrect use of 'asshole'. An ass is a donkey, not a human bum-hole. The regular use of 'asshole' to describe a fool is linked to a withering of human endearment to asses and donkeys generally. So full marks for not confusing arsehole with asshole.

Now turning to your husband, I think he is a bit of a Cnut.

Original poster
Lilyrose23 · 03/09/2022 18:00

Sorry I’m not as perfectly organised as you.. I live abroad and we have 2 different policies for health. I had no idea which one to claim on for emergency knee surgery. Congrats on your skills.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lilyrose23 · 03/09/2022 18:02

read the post. The bit where it says it isn’t a business trip.

OP posts:
LadyLindaT · 03/09/2022 18:15

When they show you who they are....

Judelawswife68 · 03/09/2022 18:26

Mmm...I don't know. In the scheme of things your son isn't having serious life altering surgery. He'll be fine and recover quickly.
Your DH did call you and your son later.
The photo from the 1st class lounge was dickish but it's not a divorce the bastard situation...IMHO

DrawingdowntheMoon · 03/09/2022 18:29

@Anamechangeisasgoodasarest The answer is literally written in the OP.

No it isn't.
The OP was aware that DS had fractured his knee (this can't happen, so I presume they mean fracture of the knee-cap) yesterday - Fri - so wouldn't it have been sensible to get the insurance documents out ready at that time??

And why did OP not request DH to cancel his trip?

It seems to me that OP is too keen to label DH as an a-hole when she could have been more pro-active.

PortalooSunset · 03/09/2022 18:35

DrawingdowntheMoon · 03/09/2022 18:29

@Anamechangeisasgoodasarest The answer is literally written in the OP.

No it isn't.
The OP was aware that DS had fractured his knee (this can't happen, so I presume they mean fracture of the knee-cap) yesterday - Fri - so wouldn't it have been sensible to get the insurance documents out ready at that time??

And why did OP not request DH to cancel his trip?

It seems to me that OP is too keen to label DH as an a-hole when she could have been more pro-active.

And why did OP not request DH to cancel his trip?

Because if he wasn't a class A arsehole then she wouldn't have bloody had to!

DrawingdowntheMoon · 03/09/2022 18:38

@PortalooSunset

"Because if he wasn't a class A arsehole then she wouldn't have bloody had to!"

That isn't an answer.

We don't even know if there was a conversation about it as OP has declined to enlighten us.

Mulhollandmagoo · 03/09/2022 18:39

If my child was about to go into surgery there is nowhere in the world I would want to be than with them, and I can 100% say the same for my husband too. Is he that stupid?? It seems like you and your child aren't his priority at all!

drinkfeck · 03/09/2022 18:39

DrawingdowntheMoon · 03/09/2022 18:29

@Anamechangeisasgoodasarest The answer is literally written in the OP.

No it isn't.
The OP was aware that DS had fractured his knee (this can't happen, so I presume they mean fracture of the knee-cap) yesterday - Fri - so wouldn't it have been sensible to get the insurance documents out ready at that time??

And why did OP not request DH to cancel his trip?

It seems to me that OP is too keen to label DH as an a-hole when she could have been more pro-active.

I'm guessing this entire exchange happened yesterday (Friday) when it happened as op also mentions she told him to fuck off last night so he rang his son this morning.

Why didn't she ask? Well if I'm honest I don't think most parents would need asking. One of his three kids is in hospital and needs an operation and is having an anxiety attack.

I wouldn't leave my partner to juggle childcare with two other kids as well as one in hospital.

sageandrosemary · 03/09/2022 18:40

YANBU. What an arse.

LondonWolf · 03/09/2022 18:42

Not sure I could forgive that tbh.

Okaaaay · 03/09/2022 18:50

That’s the sort of shit my husband would pull. Insensitive, self-centered and entitled. Sorry OP.

ReadtheReviews · 03/09/2022 18:55

Fuck off you thoughtless fucker! I would probably have texted back. Preferring to get the argument over with than to seethe and let it happen again.
In other news, arsehole somehow makes me more graphically imagine an actual anus than asshole. Is it just me?

DadOfTheMoment · 03/09/2022 18:57

As a man: yes, twattish response

EmmaH2022 · 03/09/2022 19:02

Amortentia · 03/09/2022 13:14

I wouldn’t be flying off on a joly if my 12 year old was heading for surgery. If it was the other way around would you? Yikes, I think calling your husband an arsehole is unfair to arseholes, I’d be thinking much worse.

This
surely his son won't forgive him?

PortalooSunset · 03/09/2022 19:02

@DrawingdowntheMoon im afraid we'll have to agree to disagree, because any conversation that contained the words "I need the insurance number because our son needs to have urgent surgery" should be enough of a conversation for the prick other party to say "do you need me to cut my trip short?" at the very least!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 03/09/2022 19:10

Bloody hell mumsnet is hard work sometimes. Why are people focussing on the location of the insurance details!? I've got our house insurance details, my husband would ask me for them if something happened in the house.

And to all those people asking 'well did you ask him to cancel, OP?' Wtf! There are some situations where the right course of action goes without saying! I don't think I know any parents who wouldn't drop everything and go home when their child was in pain, going to have an operation under GA, and their other half had other children to look after. Even without the other children I would want to be at home to take turns staying with my child in the hospital etc

OP your husband is indeed an arsehole and more than that, I think there is something wrong with him emotionally. To be sending texts about the airport lounge when your child is having a panic attack in hospital, rather than asking how they are doing, is so beyond a normal reaction.

I am sure this isnt the first time he has acted like this?

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