To think my husband is an areshole

[Lilyrose23]

Yesterday our son fractured his knee and is having emergency surgery on Monday. DH was on the way to the airport when I found out surgery was happening. I called him to get our health insurance info and briefly explain the surgery. A hurried call as we were at the doctors office and they were waiting for the insurance policy info. DS ( 12) had a massive panic attack at the mention of surgery and it was a hugely stressful morning. The next comms I get from DH is a what’s app phots of a plate of nice food and a large glass of wine with the simple message ‘ ahh business class lounge is nice’. AIBU to feel utterly fucked off…. No enquiry after our son, so seeing if I was ok ( tearful mess), no offer to not go away and come home and be around for the surgery. He was flying off not on work but to see friends……

'Sending that message would've been fine if he'd have also said "is DS ok?" '

Strongly disagree. The message was tone-deaf whichever way you slice it, and is the most fucking outrageous thing about his behaviour. I think a case might be made for going on the trip, but you can't send to your hugely stressed and worried wife, pictures of you about to tuck into a business class meal, and make it all ok by tacking on 'DS ok?' to the end. Ridiculous.

@GetThatHelmetOn

He sent the picture from the business class lounge at the airport.
Just like sending a picture from anywhere else.
Why do you think that you can't send pictures from First Class?

OP - your husband is a first class dick.

I hope the surgery goes well.

Absolute prick and very selfish hope your sons op goes okay.
he will remember this as he gets older and will know who was by his side

One of my children had to have emergency surgery last year and I can't imagine having to go through it alone while looking after my other two kids. I'm sorry OP. I hope you're okay. Your DH should not have gone on that trip.

He is an absolute arse hole.

Hope your ds is okay.

What an absolute moron.
Sorry OP, I’d be livid with my husband too.

In terms of your son, I’m positive all will be well. I’ve had to be there and see both my kids going under and while it’s not a great feeling, they were both in the very best hands both before, during and after. Your boy will be fine.

Every family is different so while I would probably insist on coming home, I can also see myself insisting that DH go off on whatever he had planned if I knew it was important to him BUT.....

• his first instinct should have been to check if you needed him, if only to help with the other children
• his second instinct should have been to get back in touch and ask how things were going once everyone had calmed down.

The fact that he had NEITHER instinct just makes him a fairly shitty dad and husband. Sorry OP.

Wow. Yep, total dick move. At the very least I'd expect lots of messages showing concern - actually I would be pretty pissed off if DH didn't at least offer to come back. I wouldn't expect a jolly message about the lovely free food he was enjoying.

I would be sending him a picture of a divorce application form, with the caption .."aah, a good lawyer"...

What a complete arsehole.
Link him to this thread.
The arsehole.

yes total dealbreaker for me but I am getting not a surprise for you

Your future, your choice, but you clearly don't get emotional support or physical from him so not sure if he's even relevant to your lives.

I'd call him an arsehole, but actually arseholes serve a purpose.

In fact, text him something along those lines.

Good for you.

why do you need insurance for emergency surgery? Genuine question, presumably you are not in uk?

You are being unfair to arseholes. Arseholes are sensitive.

PMI in the auk would cover an emergency operation and get it done quicker.

My DP can be a bit like this if I am not explicit. I would need to say - DS is going in for surgery and I need you to cancel your flight and come home. To be fair with the kids he probably would come to the same conclusion and I probably would not have to be explicit as his worry would take over. Everything else requires me to be very explicit. He doesn't join dots. It has to be explicitly stated. I am not making excuse just sharing to illustrate that others can be similar. And it drives me crazy. Things I think are obvious to most people are not obvious to him.

Might you try sending him an explicit text now telling him what you need him to do? What might happen? Would he think you are making a fuss or would he think ok that's what she needs me to do?

God that is bad. We had two emergency situations with the kids when DH was away from home for work. In the first one, he was in India - he immediately booked a ticket home and my lovely brother in law, took a day off work to help me with the kids until dh could get there. In the second, the other kids were old enough to stay by themselves but dh immediately came home. His instinct was to come home in each case not because he thought I couldn't cope but because his children were in a difficult situation. Your dh is self-obsessed.

What?

She has, two!

Yes, abroad. Makes it even worse - no family here

Wow.

Do you think the tone deaf message and photo of the meal was meant for someone else?

No definitely for me !

Hes horrible. My dh would have turned around even if I told him not to! This is an arsehole on another level. I couldn't stay married to someone like that - whats the point of them. Hugs op, do you have any support?