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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think sister is starving herself?

166 replies

ScaryBiscuitz · 02/09/2022 15:53

Sister is living off a bowl of Shreddies and one small meal a day. The Shreddies is her lunch. Small meal for dinner.

She’s lost a lot of weight and was not overweight to start with. WIBU to tell her she’s basically starving herself?

OP posts:
Acryforhelp · 02/09/2022 16:03

That really isn’t the best way to approach it tbh. I do get your concern but when people tell me I should eat more, I’m not eating enough, I’m starving myself etc I just get defensive and deny it. I don’t need a spotlight shining on how little I’m eating, I already know!

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/support-someone-else/

Sunnyqueen · 02/09/2022 16:06

That is not starving yourself at all, you are being well dramatic there.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 02/09/2022 16:07

Yeah shaming her isn't going to help.

She needs support and understanding.

ED's are triggered by something. I've had one my whole life and it's triggered by feeling like I've lost control or got no control over elements of my life. For example, the COLC and COVID have both been big triggers lately.

Some people it's body dysmorphia and inability to see their healthy bodies.

PurpleDaisies · 02/09/2022 16:11

You’re best off seeking advice from eating disorder charities on how to handle this situation sensitively and from a place of concern.

Can she afford food? Could this be a financial issue rather than an eating one?

TimeAtTheBar · 02/09/2022 16:13

Define ‘small dinner’?

Two roast potatoes, slice of meat, veg? Normal.

One Brussel sprout with a dip pot of gravy, not normal.

I only ever eat two meals a day. ‘Breakfast’ at lunchtime and then dinner later.

TimeAtTheBar · 02/09/2022 16:15

I don’t want to turn this into a competitive teeny tinies thread but honestly that is not eating disorder territory imo.

knackeredagain · 02/09/2022 16:16

I think you'd be better off trying to find out why she's doing this. Body image? Finances? Then you can start having a conversation. But don't be confrontational about it, because whatever the reason it is likely to be a sensitive issue for her.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 02/09/2022 16:16

You will get competitive under eating comments now

But the fact that she has lost lots of weight when not over weight in the first place is concerning

PurpleDaisies · 02/09/2022 16:19

TimeAtTheBar · 02/09/2022 16:15

I don’t want to turn this into a competitive teeny tinies thread but honestly that is not eating disorder territory imo.

Except she’s lost a lot of weight. That’s a cause for concern. You can’t know that the sister doesn’t have an eating disorder. Even if she appeared to be eating normally, she could have an eating disorder.

TimeAtTheBar · 02/09/2022 16:19

Ok my sister says I’m too skinny and don’t eat enough. I’m 10stone and 5’3. Slim, sure. But not skeletal. She’s 5’ and 12 stone and constantly dieting so it’s pure jealousy. And I eat a bowl of cereal and a small plate of dinner every day. It’s a normal amount of food.

TimeAtTheBar · 02/09/2022 16:20

…I also lost a lot of weight (4 stone) when I changed jobs and adopted this eating pattern.

Mariposista · 02/09/2022 16:20

very unreasonable to do it like this yes! Show come concern and compassion!

PurpleDaisies · 02/09/2022 16:22

TimeAtTheBar · 02/09/2022 16:19

Ok my sister says I’m too skinny and don’t eat enough. I’m 10stone and 5’3. Slim, sure. But not skeletal. She’s 5’ and 12 stone and constantly dieting so it’s pure jealousy. And I eat a bowl of cereal and a small plate of dinner every day. It’s a normal amount of food.

Ok, good for you. The op’s sister could have dropped from 10stone to 8stone and look unwell. Having a sensitive conversation from a place of concern isn’t a bad thing to consider.

TimeAtTheBar · 02/09/2022 16:23

Well we don’t know her weight and op hasn’t clarified small dinner so that’s why I’m asking.

WeKnowFrogsGoShaLaLaLaLa · 02/09/2022 16:24

You haven't given the reasons for her doing this? Did she intend to lose weight or is it a result of not having the money for food, for example?

PurpleDaisies · 02/09/2022 16:25

TimeAtTheBar · 02/09/2022 16:23

Well we don’t know her weight and op hasn’t clarified small dinner so that’s why I’m asking.

She said she’s lost a lot of weight from a place of not having weight to lose. That’s pretty clear isn’t it?

melmos · 02/09/2022 16:25

I'll just grab some (low cal) 🍿

TimeAtTheBar · 02/09/2022 16:29

Well somebody who thinks two meals a day is a starvation diet may not be the best judge of how much weight someone needs to lose.

We need more information.

Heatherbell1978 · 02/09/2022 16:29

That's pretty much what I ate for about 4 years in my late teens/early 20s. Got down to about 6 stone. I had an eating disorder but I ate so it wasn't anorexia and I didn't make myself sick so not bulimia. Restricted calorie intake was what someone badged it as. I kind of got over it without any help and now in my 40s, it's a distant, shitty memory but it is something to be worried about. I didn't have a particularly empathetic family so it's just as well I kind of grew out of it.

IncessantNameChanger · 02/09/2022 16:31

I posted on here years ago about my friend who clearly is extremely underweight and had half a sandwich for lunch and a side of MASH as her main meal on nights out.

I don't think this is good place for advice as I was told it was normal to be under 6 stone and 5,6 and eat those meals. Because it was my friend I didn't say anything as that was firmly the advice on here. Bit harder if it's family.

My son is 5,8. Just under 8 stone and pretty skeletal to me but someone somewhere would say he is fat. If you apear healthy I don't think it's a big deal. Healthy on one person isn't healthy weight for the next person.

Like my friend, she is happy with her choice, let them get with it. Tricky one really

shumway · 02/09/2022 16:35

So much misunderstanding about anorexia - people think you can only have it if you eat literally nothing but that's not the case at all. Anorexics do eat otherwise they'd be dead. Lots of anorexics would eat two meals a day.

MaryHoldTheCandleSteadyWhileIShaveTheChickensLeg · 02/09/2022 16:35

How on earth is she starving herself on two meals a day? Confused

cardibach · 02/09/2022 16:38

MaryHoldTheCandleSteadyWhileIShaveTheChickensLeg · 02/09/2022 16:35

How on earth is she starving herself on two meals a day? Confused

If they are small and she’s losing weight quickly when not overweight to start with I think it’s a fair description…

TimeAtTheBar · 02/09/2022 16:38

Also shreddies are really filling, and full of sugar, hardly the weapon of choice for someone trying to lose weight.

I love shreddies, and a bowl will fill me up for hours.

goldenlillacs19 · 02/09/2022 16:40

YANBU like it's already been stated, you are well well of this issue. Nobody knows you better than yourself.