To think sister is starving herself?

[ScaryBiscuitz]

Sister is living off a bowl of Shreddies and one small meal a day. The Shreddies is her lunch. Small meal for dinner.

She’s lost a lot of weight and was not overweight to start with. WIBU to tell her she’s basically starving herself?

are well aware*

If they are small and she’s losing weight quickly when not overweight to start with I think it’s a fair description…

It's too hard to tell whether the description is fair because one person's 'small meal' is another person's perfectly adequate meal.

Ditto (often) when it comes to deciding whether someone is 'skinny' or not.

Too many variables and too little information from OP at this stage, but 'starving' is a bit dramatic even if the meals were small.

Pre kids that’s what I would eat, mainly because I would never be up in time to eat breakfast. I also find shreddies really filling.

What do you define as a small meal?

Anyone who thinks that a bowl of cereal and a restricted dinner is a normal amount needs to see a dietician.
I am recovering from anorexia and never stopped eating completely. Eating less than 1000 calories a day is not healthy. If you eat that little and don't lose weight you may have metabolism issues.

I don’t want to turn this into a competitive teeny tinies thread but honestly that is not eating disorder territory imo.

I think from OPs post it’s not possible to generalise. There are a lot of factors such as:

How long has she been eating like this? Does the one small meal change regularly or does it consist of more or less the same foods in the same quantity? Does she eat very slowly. Does she cut her food up into very small mouthfuls. Is there any flexibility around food . For instance if you asked her if she’d like to come to yours for dinner or go out for a meal how would she react? If you brought something you know she likes such as a pack of her favourite biscuits, chocolate etc would she have any or put it away and say she will have some later (when you’ve gone ).

whar has her appetite been like in the past ? How does her mental health seem? Any sign of anxiety , depression etc and anything very stressful she has been through or is going through still? Is she exercising more than she used to ?

I used to be anorexic in my late teens early 20s and I’d eat two small meals a day. There was absolutely nothing normal in my attitude and feelings around food at that time and if anyone had told me I was starving myself I’d have absolutely deny it. I would hide food, make excuses not to eat, say I wasn’t hungry, have to exercise if I had been pressured to eat more than I wanted. I would look into EDs, contact helplines if possible as to how best to try find out what’s going on and how to help your DS.

Small dinner is not the same thing as restricted dinner though.

Of course it's not and MNetter's opinions on how much a 'normal' portion is, tends to vary wildly.

For example, I’m making linguine this evening. I’ll have one or two large ladles of it. DH and the teenagers will have two bowls full. He’d say I’m having a small dinner. But I’m the one with a normal appetite in this house, DH is very active and has always had a crazy metabolism and the teens are, well, bottomless pits as teenagers are.

Why are people so determined to argue with the OP? She’s concerned enough about her sister to make the post ….. just go with it. I can’t help but think these threads are populated by the posters I’ve seen who are stuffed on half a tin of soup.

As an aside there’s a lady at my gym who is painfully thin and wears a woolly hat to work out in. My PT says she’s there 4 times a day. I’m guessing someone’s going to argue that’s normal too.

The point is that if she is eating the correct amount she won't be losing weight.
Is she now a healthy weight and steady or is she underweight and continuing to lose. If it is the latter or if she is lacking in energy or unwell or if she has ideas around food where it seems that the need to control her intake is overriding her normal instincts get some advice before talking to her.

OP? Any clarification? And are you my sister?

What part of "she has lost a lot of weight and wasn't overweight to start with" are you struggling to understand?

Don't ask her about her weight or her eating, instead check in with her mental health, in a sensitive way. Disordered eating is a sign that things are going wrong within the person. It's a symptom, not the main issue.

How do you know she's concerned or that she even has a sister for that matter?

We're all anonymous on the internet, we're all different in real life and above all, we all have different valid opinions.

Based on pure calories which will probably be a 1000 it's very low. Doesn't sound like a balanced diet.

The problem is that MN is full of people who think its acceptable to eat less than a small child everyday. Eating disorders are a problem at any size. Anorexia is not defined by your BMI.

Have a chat with your friend and ask if she is OK. My worry would be if she's eating like this cos she couldn't afford anything more.

Some of the responses on here 🤯

A bowl of cereal and a small dinner is nowhere near enough food to keep a grown woman going, that's probably around 700-800 calories.

Easily less than half what she should be having.

Op I would be very concerned as well, I would gently broach the subject with her however be prepared to be met with denial and more denial.

Treating an ED in an adult is very difficult as part of the illness is to deny you're ill.

Yep the competative under eaters piled on pretty quick! Like flies to the jam jar - except they would never eat jam of course!

OP you sound like a kind concerned sister. Don't mention her starving herself, just discreetly try and find out why this is happening if you can.

😂 @melmos (Grabs own )

My daughter has anorexia and has been ill for 3yrs now. She is beginning to show signs of recovery after lots of therapy, removal from school, medication etc. It has been the most horrific and emotional time which has devastated the whole family.
After what I have experienced myself and learnt along the way, what you describe would set alarm bells for me.
It would be especially worrying if her eating habits have changed and are accompanied by any of the following: she is low in mood, tired, exercising a lot, pouring over cookery books, following food accounts on Instagram, reading food labels meticulously, wearing baggy clothes, avoiding foods that she otherwise used to enjoy, restricting the range of foods she is eating, is always cold, has a bluish tinge to her toes and nails, is developing a fine covering of hair over her face/back/neck/arms, has become secretive about what she is eating or lying about what she has had today.
Eating disorders especially anorexia are very dangerous to a persons long term health and is the deadliest of mental health conditions. It is not about food, it goes deeper than this and needs professional intervention. You and your family should act if you truly believe she has developed an eating disorder. There are now specials services for children and young people under 18 with ED.
There is lots of advice and support on the BEAT website.
I'm happy to offer any support or advice that I can. I really wouldn't wish anorexia on any family.

Nutrition isn't about how fat/slender you are.

Eating shreddies for lunch because that's what you fancy is one thing but doing it daily is definitely unhealthy.

This sounds like you think someone who eats shreddies every day for lunch could go possibly have an eating disorder. You really don’t know how these things can work.

My friend with eating issues ate a lot of sugary cereal Neckar it happened to be one of her “safe” foods. She just ate very little else.

Nobody can say the whether op’s sister is fine or not. What the op has said had raised some potential red flags that could be discussed in a sensitive way to try and make sure there’s nothing else going on. What’s the problem with that?

The problem is that MN is full of people who think its acceptable to eat less than a small child everyday.

But equally full of people who overeat and feed their children adult size portions.

This is why MN is not the place for this sort of discussion and never has been.

This shouldn’t even be that sort of discussion. It’s whether a sister is right or not to raise her concerns about some worrying weight loss or not. Not whether shreddies are a suitable lunch food.

I too thought “Aaand here come the competitive eating comments”
Not a good look.
Ive never had an eating disorder- but lived alongside anorexics and couldn’t believe how mega competitive they were.

This thread won’t go well.