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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Expecting HIM to do school run?

771 replies

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:36

Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order .
My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am..

I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen.

We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups.

He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it .

I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.

The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else .

some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin.

I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend …

Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 02/09/2022 10:15

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 10:12

It isn’t a wind up.

I posted to see if I was being wrong or lazy .

It’s crazy to be that people think because he works 6 days a week he shouldn’t do anything.

The attacks on me claiming I’m on benefits , I do adult work, that I am making the post up, even people going through my older posts to then bring up about my daughter that’s not even mentioned in my post here …. Mumsnet ? More like Monsternet 😂😂😂

I suggested benefits. It wasn't as an attack. It was as an explanation as to why you might be able to financially support your family.

Is it feasible for you to do 2 days a week in the shop so he can have 2 days with the children/housework?

lunar1 · 02/09/2022 10:16

If you were a SAHM to children who were at home then I'd say fair enough. But your children are at school, so you need to do the school runs.

Original poster
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 10:16

Your welcome to carry on the assumptions about income into my home .

my post was about the school run .

forgive me for NOT sharing my financial private information on a public forum.. crazy I know

OP posts:
CanneBBothered · 02/09/2022 10:16

It’s crazy to be that people think because he works 6 days a week he shouldn’t do anything.

No one is saying that. But what he does and when needs to be reasonable. If he's working such long days and isn't getting to sleep until very late then the morning school run isn't a reasonable thing for him to do, not when you don't work out of the house and you're already up (and have 9-3 every day to do whatever else you need to do). Surely running the kids around is one of the MAIN things a SAHP is there for?

Him contributing more, seeing the DC more etc.. is another separate issue and something you should discuss with him without trying to imply you're far too busy yourself to take your children to school when you don't work.

mattressspring · 02/09/2022 10:17

It’s crazy to be that people think because he works 6 days a week he shouldn’t do anything.

Nobody, or a single person, said he should not do anything. People have said he should not be doing the school run - that does not mean he should do nothing.

The attacks on me claiming I’m on benefits , I do adult work, that I am making the post up, even people going through my older posts to then bring up about my daughter that’s not even mentioned in my post here …. Mumsnet ? More like Monsternet 😂😂😂

Answer the fucking question then 🤦🏻‍♀️

HowzAboutIt · 02/09/2022 10:17

"AIBU for being a lazy arse and wanting H to take DC to school more? " 65% YES!!

You are all MONSTERS because you don't agree with MEEEE and I neeeeed to have someone take my kid to school you VIPERS!!!

Beees · 02/09/2022 10:17

forgive me for NOT sharing my financial private information on a public forum.. crazy I know

No one is asking for your bank details for goodness sake. We're all just wondering how you can be the main earner whilst simultaneously being a SAHP.

mattressspring · 02/09/2022 10:18

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 10:16

Your welcome to carry on the assumptions about income into my home .

my post was about the school run .

forgive me for NOT sharing my financial private information on a public forum.. crazy I know

Jesus Christ OP.

YOU were the one who brought the financial aspect into it. You. Nobody else. You mentioned it. Fuck sake.

CanneBBothered · 02/09/2022 10:19

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 10:16

Your welcome to carry on the assumptions about income into my home .

my post was about the school run .

forgive me for NOT sharing my financial private information on a public forum.. crazy I know

No one is asking for your account no. and sort code 😂

But saying he doesn't support you financially but then refusing to say how you are supported financially in order to be a SAHM just makes you look like you're lying to make him seem less reasonable. Imo anyway.

Original poster
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 10:19

What other ways can he help me when he’s never here ? People have said get him to pick up other tasks but what ? I’d love some suggestions

OP posts:
TangoWhiskyAlphaTango · 02/09/2022 10:19

Crikey this is hard work 🤔

CanneBBothered · 02/09/2022 10:20

If you don't think he contributes enough financially then that's a conversation to have. If you don't think he sees the kids enough, again that's a conversation to have.

But refusing to do the school run as a SAHP because you're too busy or don't like it is unreasonable imo.

mattressspring · 02/09/2022 10:20

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 10:19

What other ways can he help me when he’s never here ? People have said get him to pick up other tasks but what ? I’d love some suggestions

No you wouldn't. You will never be happy no matter what. You are just trying to string your pishy thread out a bit more

knittingaddict · 02/09/2022 10:21

I'm sure this is how the other thread went.

Op - "I am the main financial provider in the family and a sahm."

Us - " How?"

Op - "Not saying"

CanneBBothered · 02/09/2022 10:21

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 10:19

What other ways can he help me when he’s never here ? People have said get him to pick up other tasks but what ? I’d love some suggestions

Then talk to him about the fact he's never there. Talk to him about the fact he's not contributing enough financially and time wise. Maybe the business isn't working and he needs to walk away from it? That's a far bigger issue than the morning school run.

WoodlandMummy · 02/09/2022 10:21

Er yeah you should definitely do the school run. You’re a SAHM, that’s your ‘job’. Your DH is working c 12 hr days. 6 days a week. And then you’re saying ‘all’ he does is the bins! I feel sorry for your hard working DH. You’re a CF!

Libertyqueen · 02/09/2022 10:21

It’s a mumsnet thing to think SAHMs should do everything. We always split school runs which meant that at the right time I could go back to work because I wasn’t trying to do that classic daft thing of doing a full time job and being fully responsible for the children.

Stick to your instincts. Long term this will pay off by having a dad who is capable of caring for his own children.

girlmom21 · 02/09/2022 10:22

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 10:19

What other ways can he help me when he’s never here ? People have said get him to pick up other tasks but what ? I’d love some suggestions

Loads of us have suggested you work in the shop and he spends time at home...

Namechanger355 · 02/09/2022 10:22

Sorry but you are a stay at home at parent so why wouldn’t you do school runs

all the things you mention you do has to be done by couples with two full time parents - I work five days a week, do three school runs and do all the stuff you mention

get a grip

mattressspring · 02/09/2022 10:22

Is it a control thing? You can't control him and you can't control what people have said so you are moving on to needing suggestions about 'other tasks he can pick up'

I don't believe for a minute you can't look at your own household set up and work out he could do X, Y and Z.

Mumspair1 · 02/09/2022 10:22

What is it that keeps you so busy 9-3pm? What is your job during these hours while your dh is working?

CanneBBothered · 02/09/2022 10:23

Libertyqueen · 02/09/2022 10:21

It’s a mumsnet thing to think SAHMs should do everything. We always split school runs which meant that at the right time I could go back to work because I wasn’t trying to do that classic daft thing of doing a full time job and being fully responsible for the children.

Stick to your instincts. Long term this will pay off by having a dad who is capable of caring for his own children.

Why would doing the school runs as a SAHP prevent you from being able to split them when you go back to work? Unless you're saying you didn't trust your husband to split things with you when you did go back to work?

Surely as a SAHP your 'job' is the childcare and the working parents is work.

Obviously when you are no longer a SAHP, that's when you look to split things and any spouse then refusing to do so would be a dick.

mattressspring · 02/09/2022 10:23

Libertyqueen · 02/09/2022 10:21

It’s a mumsnet thing to think SAHMs should do everything. We always split school runs which meant that at the right time I could go back to work because I wasn’t trying to do that classic daft thing of doing a full time job and being fully responsible for the children.

Stick to your instincts. Long term this will pay off by having a dad who is capable of caring for his own children.

It's not a mumsnet thing. If you are working into the early hours it's common sense for the other parent to take the child to school.

FruitPastilleNut · 02/09/2022 10:24

I posted to see if I was being wrong or lazy

Based on the limited information you've given, yes on both counts. Hth.

knittingaddict · 02/09/2022 10:24

Libertyqueen · 02/09/2022 10:21

It’s a mumsnet thing to think SAHMs should do everything. We always split school runs which meant that at the right time I could go back to work because I wasn’t trying to do that classic daft thing of doing a full time job and being fully responsible for the children.

Stick to your instincts. Long term this will pay off by having a dad who is capable of caring for his own children.

Dad's who don't do the school run are perfectly capable of caring for their own children. 🙄