Expecting HIM to do school run?

[Brighton5555]

Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order .
My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am..

I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen.

We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups.

He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it .

I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.

The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else .

some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin.

I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend …

Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?

[SunnyD44]

YABU

He works FT long hours yet you are a SAHP and your DCs are in school everyday for at least 6 hours.

So of course you should be doing all of the school runs and housework.

Most parents work FT but still need to do school/nursery runs and the housework.

But you have all day where you can do it or you can even spend those hours having some time to yourself.

[BradPittsLeftTit]

OP HOW ARE YOU PROVIDING ANY FINANCIAL SUPPORT?

And surely in the business plan there wasn't an expectation of profit in the first year (or 3!) anyone that expects this is walking into it without having really done their research

[slashlover]

Where is your 20 year old DD in all of this?

[notalwaysalondoner]

I was going to say YABU until you said he normally works 11-1230. If he was working 8am-9pm or something then the school run would eat into his work time. But he’s not working then, so why can’t he do it? Assuming it’s not a long drive and you get the child ready, he could still sleep 1am-745am and literally get up and go. That’s a reasonable amount of sleep for a parent.

On the other hand, you’re the SAHP. I’d maybe compromise and say “ok why don’t you do Monday and Friday only but then on Tuesday-Thursday you have to put on laundry and unload the dishwasher every day before you go to work” - that way he is still contributing but can get some more sleep.

How much sleep do you normally get OP out of interest?

[SunnyD44]

If apparently you are the main provider then why is he working such silly hours, why doesn’t he become a SAHP or at least got PT?

[ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave]

I think the OP is doing that hilarious thing of pretending she's the "main provider" because she spends a few hours a day cooking and cleaning, as opposed to the person actually paying for the house she does it in. Their contribution isn't nearly as important.

[FruitPastilleNut]

That's an 80 hour week by my calculations.

Personally, if DH was working 80 hours and I was a SAHP I'd fully expect to pick up nearly everything household related and wouldn't expect school runs to be his duty.

No idea what the whole money thing is about though. If this is some kind of vanity project of DH's that's not likely to make a profit soon or you're not on board with it then you have far bigger discussions needed than who does the school run.

If you both agree to DH working these hours/they're necessary for the business to work in the long run, Yabvu and should suck it up - he's working 80 hours fgs.

[RecHarged]

I agree OP he should do it.

he works and does one school run
you work by doing all the childcare and admin etc and do the other school run

to those saying that the dh must be exhausted/ I bet OP does any night wakings etc with the dc so probably getting a similar amount of sleep

[Brighton5555]

I think I will talk to him and maybe suggest I do a couple of the school morning runs . It’s a compromise and that way our child actually gets to see his face in a 7 day period .

To clarify I do all pick ups apart from one.

[Sexnotgender]

@ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave

I think the OP is doing that hilarious thing of pretending she's the "main provider" because she spends a few hours a day cooking and cleaning, as opposed to the person actually paying for the house she does it in. Their contribution isn't nearly as important.

It’s very confusing. He pays a monthly contribution despite his business making no money. She is the main provider but doesn’t work. Some clarity would be nice.

[SleepingStandingUp]

@Brighton5555

Yeah it’s a new business nearly at one year old. It’s not making profit and he has a lot of debt . He is working hard I have never said he isn’t but I do feel that because he does so little that removing the school run will take away the ONLY opportunity he sees his child and will remove the only helpful thing he actually contributes .

i am the main provider because his shop doesn’t make money, we do not benefit from it in any way. He used to have a job and make a wage , now it’s about survival for him.

A benefits claim in your name does not make you the main earner 🙄

He sounds like he's checked out of parenting. He took on a responsibility that clearly would take time to support his family and means he never sees them.

[MichelleScarn]

But where does your 'main provider' income come from?

[YellowTreeHouse]

Of course OP won’t clarify because the thread is already not going the way she wants it to.

Stop being lazy and do your job as a SAHP instead of expecting your partner to do 6 day weeks, 12 hour days on little sleep.

[berksandbeyond]

Eh no, he's working 12 hours+ a day and you don't work and expect him to do the school run? That's ridiculous

[knittingaddict]

@Brighton5555

I think I will talk to him and maybe suggest I do a couple of the school morning runs . It’s a compromise and that way our child actually gets to see his face in a 7 day period .

To clarify I do all pick ups apart from one.

So? You should be doing ALL school pick ups and drop offs. (If this is even slightly real)

[SleepingStandingUp]

As its hsi business @Brighton5555 can you work there two days a week whilst he's home with the kids? Then he could see them and pick up some housework and you'd get a break fro mthe kids and some up to date work experience?

[girlmom21]

@Brighton5555

I think I will talk to him and maybe suggest I do a couple of the school morning runs . It’s a compromise and that way our child actually gets to see his face in a 7 day period .

To clarify I do all pick ups apart from one.

So you do 4 pick ups out of 7 and 0 drop offs...

Why don't you work in the shop some days so he can spend time with the children?

[BattenburgDonkey]

@Brighton5555

I think I will talk to him and maybe suggest I do a couple of the school morning runs . It’s a compromise and that way our child actually gets to see his face in a 7 day period .

To clarify I do all pick ups apart from one.

He can still see him on the mornings that you drop him off, just while he’s in bed. He also has a day off and does the pick up that day so he sees his face then. You contributed money to his new business so being so resentful that he’s there trying to make it work while it’s struggling is daft, same about the money, obviously it’s not going to be making you profit in its first year and you will have known this when you went into it (obviously it could have done but it was clearly very unlikely as he didn’t have enough money to open it in the first place). Hopefully as time goes on with the business he will be able to be around more.

[berksandbeyond]

How are you the main provider? Benefits?
Or are you working while the kids are at school? Doesn't sound like it.
You claiming benefits does not make you the main provider in the family!

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Fill in the bloody gaps.

Where’s your money coming from? What do you do all day while your kids are at school?

You’re wasting peoples’ time here.

[naomi81]

@Brighton5555

Yeah it’s a new business nearly at one year old. It’s not making profit and he has a lot of debt . He is working hard I have never said he isn’t but I do feel that because he does so little that removing the school run will take away the ONLY opportunity he sees his child and will remove the only helpful thing he actually contributes .

i am the main provider because his shop doesn’t make money, we do not benefit from it in any way. He used to have a job and make a wage , now it’s about survival for him.

This is tough, starting a business from scratch, sounds like he doesn't have a great deal of experience. There has to be a cut off point otherwise it can continue for
Years, I've seen friends other halves do this and they have had to sell their family homes to pay off debts. I would be more concerned about the Financial aspect then whether or not he's taking the kids to school.

[knittingaddict]

Your tone and content is very grating op. Deliberate?

[EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall]

Well you'd think he'd want to take his child to school if it's the only time he sees them in the week

[Hankunamatata]

No. He isnt home until 12.30 then needs to wind down so probably nearer 1.30 before sleep. So no he shouldn't have to do school run. Find different chores

[Comtesse]

I am the main earner. I do 4 school drop offs a week in term time because I know I will have seen my kids if I end up working super late or have a client event. Never mind he is working long hours, when exactly will he see kids if he doesn’t do drop off? Sounds like he is being a hopeless father to me. Yes it’s tiring but kids need time with both parents. Yanbu.