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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Expecting HIM to do school run?

771 replies

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:36

Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order .
My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am..

I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen.

We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups.

He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it .

I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.

The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else .

some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin.

I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend …

Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 03/09/2022 18:00

Thund3rMumma · 03/09/2022 17:52

In my last job I wouldn't get home until 2.30 am and have to be up by 8am latest to do school run. Yes it's hard but he has to help out. It's not an excuse to not help out around the house. I'd be setting a million alarms around the house that he had to turn off until he got the message to do the school run or gets up earlier

Why did you have to get up and do the school run, though? Was your DH a SAHP?

HazelnutD · 03/09/2022 18:09

Good god, talk about selfish. He works all those hours and you say he needs to do more in the house? You stay at home all day doing what the hell you like, you don't have to vacuum, do washing, ironing, cleaning every single day and you have time to do 'fun things' with the kids? I bet your OH would like your job but I sure as hell don't think you could do his. He probably needs the weekend to get over his working week. Poor bloke must be knackered and you complain
cos he only empties the bin. Sorry but I've heard some things but you really are a selfish cow.

Beatendownmum · 03/09/2022 18:10

Wow 😂 trying being a single parent who actually has to work full time plus keep on top of her house appointment etc (which you do) plus do all the school runs 🤣 Jesus I take my lunch break at school pick up time to pick my kids up everyday!! You need to get into the real world OP I feel sorry for your husband

sidewayswalking · 03/09/2022 18:12

Thund3rMumma · 03/09/2022 17:52

In my last job I wouldn't get home until 2.30 am and have to be up by 8am latest to do school run. Yes it's hard but he has to help out. It's not an excuse to not help out around the house. I'd be setting a million alarms around the house that he had to turn off until he got the message to do the school run or gets up earlier

But why does his 'helping out' have to be the school run? There are so many things that couples, especially with children, have to divide between them. Surely there is a much more sensible idea?

And setting alarms all over the place? Can you imagine the uproar if the roles were reversed

londonrach · 03/09/2022 18:13

As sahp surely you do school runs. It's swings and roundabouts and depends on jobs...sounds like your DH is out working so needs sleep to be fresh for work. If un happy why don't you work and he does the school run, cleaning etc instead

mandalala · 03/09/2022 18:14

Elmo230885 - yes of course if the DH was the SAHP and the situation was reversed, I would say the same thing.

In a nutshell, this man has no business leaving everything child / household- related to his wife and expecting her to be a SAHP - unless he is able and willing to take the financial burden on 100%. That is the deal.

I know many SAHMs snd I have been one for many years but I can tell you this - not one of us would have given up our financial independence to cook and clean and facilitate a man who can't even financially support the family!

sidewayswalking · 03/09/2022 18:19

mandalala · 03/09/2022 18:14

Elmo230885 - yes of course if the DH was the SAHP and the situation was reversed, I would say the same thing.

In a nutshell, this man has no business leaving everything child / household- related to his wife and expecting her to be a SAHP - unless he is able and willing to take the financial burden on 100%. That is the deal.

I know many SAHMs snd I have been one for many years but I can tell you this - not one of us would have given up our financial independence to cook and clean and facilitate a man who can't even financially support the family!

OP hasn't given up their financial independence though. OP has enough income to pay 60% of household costs.

Elmo230885 · 03/09/2022 18:25

So does that mean it's all about money, no-one values their time.

In the most simplistic of terms. Me and DH both work full time and have two young children. We split household jobs/ childcare 50-50. I earn nearly double what he gets... should he do more around the house to compensate?

ReneBumsWombats · 03/09/2022 18:25

I know many SAHMs snd I have been one for many years but I can tell you this - not one of us would have given up our financial independence to cook and clean and facilitate a man who can't even financially support the family!

You'd be a flipping idiot to give up your financial independence to be supported by someone who can't support you, yes.

bluesapphire48 · 03/09/2022 18:42

If he were supporting you completely, then I would say you had to do all the school runs, but if he's not using all his money to support you, then he should do the school run sometimes.
Why isn't he turning over his paycheck to you? If he's withholding some of it, for WHATEVER reason, then he can't just hand you all the work a SAHP should do and forget it. He should carry more of the weight.

sidewayswalking · 03/09/2022 18:44

bluesapphire48 · 03/09/2022 18:42

If he were supporting you completely, then I would say you had to do all the school runs, but if he's not using all his money to support you, then he should do the school run sometimes.
Why isn't he turning over his paycheck to you? If he's withholding some of it, for WHATEVER reason, then he can't just hand you all the work a SAHP should do and forget it. He should carry more of the weight.

Why should he be turning over his pay check to his wife? That's fucking financial abuse! Nobody goes out to work full time and hands all their money over at the end of the month to the SAHP

Treacletoots · 03/09/2022 18:45

I'm one million percent in favour of both parents taking equal responsibility for child duties if they both work.

If you are not working, this is literally your job.

Personally I don't see why anyone thinks they need a full time SAHP. Most of us both work and we manage to do all the house and child stuff around thst. Your role is a complete luxury, and incredibly precarious should he decide he's had enough..

mandalala · 03/09/2022 18:48

Why should he be turning over his pay check to his wife? That's fucking financial abuse! Nobody goes out to work full time and hands all their money over at the end of the month to the SAHP

wtf?

What do think happens where there is a SAHP?

mandalala · 03/09/2022 18:49

I think this thread has been hijacked by MRAs or whatever they call themselves Sad little men.

chilly32045 · 03/09/2022 18:51

YABU! It’s not his fault it’s not making money.. he is obviously trying.

If you want to make sure he’s still doing more than the bins just swap it out for something else. If he’s tired he shouldn’t have to do morning school run.. just change his “chore” to something else that needs doing!

sidewayswalking · 03/09/2022 18:57

mandalala · 03/09/2022 18:49

I think this thread has been hijacked by MRAs or whatever they call themselves Sad little men.

Not me. I'm a grown ass woman who can see clearly that a different division in labour would be fair, but the school run should still lie with OP.

SunnyD44 · 03/09/2022 19:00

Could you, hand on heart, tell me that if this were reversed you would have the same opinion.

If OP was working 12 hours days whilst her DH didn’t work and was not doing anything all day, yet moaning that he had to do the school runs - everyone would be telling OP to LTB.

Alwaysblending · 03/09/2022 19:01

I'm really shocked at some of these comments. Really making you feel shit about your question. I don't think your lazy atall. You do everything, yes he contributes financially but you run the house and family which enables him to run his own business. He should have the mornings to have a lay in I agree but not all weekend too. Maybe you could get a lie in on the Sunday. If he doesn't leave until 11 and starts at 1. He should do a task before he heads to work. Other than take out the bin. Whether that be washing up, put dishes away, pick up toys off the floor, put away his own clean clothes, put a load of washing on, wipe down sink and toilet, hang some washing on the line.. All of those are very short tasks, he could do atleast one before leaving for work each day and he should help out at the weekend too. These are all very light tasks. Does he take the kids out at the weekend sometimes and give you a break. It sounds like you need a break. Also if he doesn't work at the weekend and you really don't like doing the school run in the morning. He could do the Friday morning!

sidewayswalking · 03/09/2022 19:03

mandalala · 03/09/2022 18:48

Why should he be turning over his pay check to his wife? That's fucking financial abuse! Nobody goes out to work full time and hands all their money over at the end of the month to the SAHP

wtf?

What do think happens where there is a SAHP?

Well I have been a SAHP various times over the years and never once did I make DH turn his ages over to me.

It might come as a bit of a surprise but the money just went in the bank, paid the bills and the rest was just there, so if either of us needed/wanted anything we could get it. This worked both ways too as once DH had to leave his job for health reasons, he got no DLA or anything and I worked and brought in the money. It went in the bank and we still both had access to it.

Making one person work and hand over every penny is financial abuse.

sidewayswalking · 03/09/2022 19:04

*wages

petmad · 03/09/2022 19:09

Do the school run or organise yourself better i wouldnt expect my hubby to do it

Pupinski · 03/09/2022 19:11

Yes, unreasonable if he doesn't get home until 12.30 and, presumably later to bed. Ask him to pick another couple of tasks from the list of things you're responsible for so he can contribute to the running of the household without having to get up so early.

DanielTheGhostGangbanger · 03/09/2022 19:25

mattressspring · 02/09/2022 08:51

So the addition of the SEN child in the OP was completely irrelevant but given for sympathy to make people think it was a difficult school run when in fact the SEN child has no part in that.

Show quote history

This was my immediate thought too.

I read the child is 15 and the school less than 10 minute walk away, but I know many, many SEN children who would never be capable of this. Including my own.

A SEN child capable of walking to school on their own really doesn't warrant special consideration in the OP.

It's a red herring but obviously included to trigger the sympathy card. I despise SEN children being used in this way. Their disability is not there to be abused by their mother who's seeking ass pats for how amazing she thinks she is.

Caroffee · 03/09/2022 19:32

OP is very cagey about where her income comes from. If it was self-employment working from home, why not just say that? Otherwise most readers will suspect an OnlyFans account ...

Delatron · 03/09/2022 19:35

What pay check? He doesn’t make any money from his 12 hour stints.

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