Expecting HIM to do school run?

[Brighton5555]

Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order .
My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am..

I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen.

We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups.

He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it .

I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.

The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else .

some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin.

I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend …

Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?

Just when you thought this thread had nothing else to give...

In her first post, the OP asked if she was being unreasonable. I think she probably has the answer.

Do we know he works his ass off? He disappears to a shop for 12 hours - a shop which makes no money. And doesn’t see his family in the week because of this choice.

RTFT
He works 12 hour shifts and brings in almost half of the household income.
Whilst OP doesn’t work at all yet moans about doing the school run.

Yes I think I have gained a sense of whether people think I’m being unreasonable or not 😅

I guess the hope for the future is he will start to make profit but it’s going to take a long long time for that to happen. I do carry him and have carried him for some time financially.

I think if I was a woman able to stay home because my partner was grafting and taking care of all my financial needs I would be very happy to do everything but like I said it’s not the case here .

we have settled on a compromise and I will now take a couple of morning drop off’s…

I think he has it VERY lucky . I can’t imagine a life where I just have to think of me… and when your married and have a family that thinking 🤔 doesn’t really work..

There's always room for people who are totally astounded at the idea that a forum frequented largely by women will centre women. I used to think this was pretty much a given and everyone just went along on that assumption and analysed accordingly. But there are so many people for whom it is this incredible revelation and they must enlighten the rest of us in case we missed it.

How the fuck anyone could spend two minutes here and think women never think women are wrong, though...that really is a puzzler.

I do work within the family home.

my day starts at 6.30 am and closes down around 11pm/ midnight …

I get no weekends off , no sick days , no holidays , no lay in….

I also have no staff to help me . DH has staff. He is not taking the full brunt and like someone else posted there are periods of time when it’s not busy and he can sit and relax .

What do you do during school hours?

my day starts at 6.30 am and closes down around 11pm/ midnight …

I get no weekends off , no sick days , no holidays , no lay in….

You said previously that your DC were in school.
That means you get 6 hours a day of free time.

As a single parent working FT, like every other parent out there, I am either working or doing childcare, cooking and housework etc.
None of us get any holidays, weekends offs, sick days etc.
All of us start our day early morning and end it late at night.

Yet you get time off every single day which is more than most parents, yet you’re moaning that it’s not enough which makes you sound very spoilt.

I’m starting to think this 60% income does come from the bank of mummy and daddy as a PP suggested, which is why you act so entitled and hard done by.

*I do work within the family home.

my day starts at 6.30 am and closes down around 11pm/ midnight …

I get no weekends off , no sick days , no holidays , no lay in….

I also have no staff to help me . DH has staff. He is not taking the full brunt and like someone else posted there are periods of time when it’s not busy and he can sit and relax*

What do you do in school hours? Why get up at 6.30 at weekends? Why are you working until midnight? Surely you can wind up bedtime by 7pm. Older children don't need to be tucked in, they sort themselves out.

Yes, financed by the bank of mum and dad and not 'earned' at all. You just don't seem to understand its not about money. all money is joint money in a marriage, not his and hers. You are supposed to be a team, and it is all about what each person contributes physically and not about money. You have an easy life in comparison to his and still demand more. I was in a similar position with 2 children for 8 years and they were the easiest of my life. I also did everything and clearly remember dropping the kids off and sitting down to my morning coffee and newspaper!

there are periods of time when it’s not busy and he can sit and relax
You get about 6 hours of time you can sit and relax every day though, I’d say that’s more time than even the quietest day in the shop.

Why are you staying up until 11 and midnight and complaining about it? You could be in bed by 9/10 every night if you wanted to. You’ve also got hours of free time after the kids have gone to bed.
You really aren’t that hard done by.

You are so resentful of DH but I don’t understand why.

So what if he’s not earning the big bucks that you’re used to living off at mummy’s and daddy’s.
It’s not like you’re skint as you say you have an income of your own.

If you need more money then you could also get a job.

If you don’t like him, then leave.

@SunnyD44 I have RTFT just because he is at a shop for 12 hours doesn’t mean he’s working his arse off? Especially if said shop is not profitable.. could be sat drinking tea..playing on his phone…
He is in debt - his shop isn’t profitable- he’s not ‘bringing in 40%’ he is contributing that somehow whilst being in debt and running a non-profitable business.

This man is a waste of space. What planet are people on?

All this "grafting 12 hours a day" as if it's something unusual or spectacular. Ffs. Sounds like the bloke runs a takeaway. I dread to think what some people's husbands do if they are in awe of a man who wants a SAHM; does sod all in the house; but doesn't even financially support his family!!! Talk about having your cake and eating it. Some people's standards must be through the floor, that's all I can say.

As for how OP had an income - mind your own beeswax! If she says she has, she has. And if it's an inheritance - why the hell should she be spending that ti prop up this loser and his "dream project?" Unbelievable.

OP, stop wasting your money on what sounds like a bottomless pit. Tell him if he wants you to continue as a SAHM, he can step up and financially support his family as that is the deal. If he can't do this, he can't have a SAHM. Obvs. This means you will be returning to work and he will need to do 50% of everything - not just school tons, but cooking / housework and the whole shebang.

If I were you I'd be livid. Take action.

🤣🤣🤣

As for how OP had an income - mind your own beeswax! If she says she has, she has. And if it's an inheritance - why the hell should she be spending that ti prop up this loser and his "dream project?" Unbelievable.

You do know the very reason people are asking how she gets her money is because it changes the situation depending on what it is.

She is paying 60% to his 40, so just over half. It's hardly propping him up. Perhaps the split makes sense because one of the children isn't his? The thing is, if she is paying her living costs out of an inheritance that is absolutely fine. If you have no income you use your savings. Why should he pay it all while she sits in a tidy sum?

Nobody knows, because nobody has any detail. Hence asking, to be able to answer correctly.

Er... he should be paying 109% for her living costs because she has had to give up work to look after his kids and do everything else. Wtf!

Well it sounds like she hasn't, actually.

That's not true though, is it? She could work if she wanted to. Also I'm not sure why he should have to pay the living costs of a child that is not his.

Now the OP is accusing anyone who can do a quick Google of benefit rates of being on benefits themselves! Lol!

Also showing her fascist side by benefit bashing. Nice.

"She could work if she wanted too.,,"

Oh yes, silly me. She can just find a magical school hours job and then come home and do EVERYTHING squeezed into an evening when she is also looking after a child with disabilities and a younger one.

Meanwhile he can carry on indulging in his crap business for 12 fours per day and do NOTHING except put the bins out once a week. I
Almodt like a hotel lifestyle when you think about it - just wave at the kids of a weekend. Because he won't see them at all in the week if he gets up at 10am and then works all evening. Amazing! And meanwhile, she can be ultra grateful for his 40% financial contribution towards his two children and the wife who does everything for him. Wouldn't we all? NOT.

"She could work if she wanted too.,,"

Oh yes, silly me. She can just find a magical school hours job and then come home and do EVERYTHING squeezed into an evening when she is also looking after a child with disabilities and a younger one.

The thing is though, plenty of people do just that. My point was merely that the comment she 'had' to give up work was incorrect. She has a good amount of free time each week so there is no 'had to' about it.

Meanwhile he can carry on indulging in his crap business for 12 fours per day and do NOTHING except put the bins out once a week. I

It's maybe not a crap business though? The outlay, set up costs something like this mean a profit is often unseen in the first year of business. That's normal. Of course he should do more than put the bins out, there are fairer ways to divide the 'labour' but him having to get up and take a child to school when he works late nights because OP doesn't want to isn't it.

Almodt like a hotel lifestyle when you think about it - just wave at the kids of a weekend. Because he won't see them at all in the week if he gets up at 10am and then works all evening.

Amazing! And meanwhile, she can be ultra grateful for his 40% financial contribution towards his two children and the wife who does everything for him. Wouldn't we all? NOT.

Only one of the children is his, so arguable a 40:60 split is reasonable.

For those of you fully on the OP's side can I ask you a question?

Could you, hand on heart, tell me that if this were reversed you would have the same opinion.

"My DH is a SAHP but is able to contribute 60% of the household money due to reasons. He is at home with two school aged children, our joint child and his DS ( who has some AN).
I have just set up a business and am currently not making a profit however I am able to contribute 40% to the house.
I am out of the house from 12 - 12 6 days per week at the new business as such DH does all the domestic chores and school drop off/pick up as I can't (as I'm in bed or at work).
Heres my AIBU, he says he doesn't like school drop off so is asking me to get up early after I've got in late and take our child to school. I don't think this is fair. AIBU?"

In my last job I wouldn't get home until 2.30 am and have to be up by 8am latest to do school run. Yes it's hard but he has to help out. It's not an excuse to not help out around the house. I'd be setting a million alarms around the house that he had to turn off until he got the message to do the school run or gets up earlier

I was a SAHM for a few yrs, my ex worked long hours (own business) he would start work at 7am so I had no choice to do the school run & if he started later I wouldn’t of expected him to do it anyway, like you I did the housework, cooking care of the kids etc…he was waited on hand & foot but only because of the long hours he worked, I did at one time have to get 2 children to 2 different schools & I don’t drive either, sorry but I think YABU