Expecting HIM to do school run?

[Brighton5555]

Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order .
My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am..

I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen.

We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups.

He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it .

I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.

The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else .

some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin.

I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend …

Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?

Thank you .

I am not financially supported by my parents, the government or by any illegal jobs ! 😂 I think that’s my true gripe… because he isn’t the main provider I am yet I’m doing it all alone to support him in his quest to run his own business….

Digging through previous threads of me desperately searching for anything … something to put me blast … yeah that’s pathetic .

Demanding your H does the school run while he's putting in 75 hours a week & working til 12:30am is pathetic. As is calling him a cunt for recruiting a female staff member, demanding that he revokes the hire because you are "insecure" - then attacking PP for commenting on your bizarre behaviour.

I am not financially supported by my parents, the government or by any illegal jobs ! 😂 I think that’s my true gripe… because he isn’t the main provider I am yet I’m doing it all alone to support him in his quest to run his own business….

If you hate your life with him, ditch it.
And live happily off your mystery income.

Nope - your job to take kids to school. It’s a long day for him.

Just how much money was in your secret blanket? 😂

And yes, you are being unreasonable and should do the school runs.

You are a family, and that means you don't let one person (him) run around being exhausted whilst you have oodles of free time, even if you've found a lucrative magic blanket or some other bollocks.

It really didn't unless you are very hard of reading.

"The attacks on me claiming I’m on benefits , I do adult work, that I am making the post up..."

This is what she said. This is quite clearly neither a joke, nor is it her claiming to do adult work it is her refuting assumptions made by previous posters.

I think it’s fair enough that you do it but I can understand that it must feel like you are carrying the weight of the family and whilst that is considered the role of a SAHP it is also expected that the other parent takes some responsibility with kids and around the home and it sounds like he’s not. That must be frustrating and tiring for you.
i would be asking for him to do one or two days every couple of weeks to give you a break. Not every day.

Here’s how I see it, and what I said to my husband once. If he lived on his own and had his job he would be responsible for putting food on his table, clearing up, keeping a clean house, changing his sheets, paying the bills, organising his own life. Oh, and putting out the bins. But he has me. So a bunch of stuff is done for him. That doesn’t mean he gets to do his job, come home and do….nothing. What it does mean is he doesn’t have to do a bunch of stuff that he would otherwise have to do. Which is fine.

what it DOESN’T mean is that he doesn’t get to do nothing.

I swear this board has been taken over by MRAs sometimes.

Presumably him quitting his job and starting this business was a joint decision.

I'm guessing his 40% comes from a similar place to your 60%. Does he pay less because of his debts?

So if you contribute 60% from your imaginary mystery income, and your DH contributes 40% from his "other" imaginary mystery income and nothing from the shop, why on earth does he not sell the shop and then you can both be at home all day and divvy up the chores evenly?

Makes perfect sense (much like this thread...)

I swear this board has been taken over by MRAs sometimes

There's been an influx lately. They're everywhere. There must have been another thread that I missed where people took the piss out of users on a website for punters. That's caused it before.

YABU.

this story has more twists and turns than a twisty turny thing

🤣😂🙄

I do feel like I do everything ! I’m a walking Wonder Woman I swear!

Managing to do the housework etc when your kids are at school all day really doesn't make you Wonder Woman. Unless you are spending a lot of time wfh, but since you won't tell us about that,it's impossible to say.

Anyway... you are clearly both unreasonable. He's unreasonable for staying in a job with such crazy hours which makes no money. You're unreasonable for thinking the division of labour in terms of housework and childcare is unfair to you when you have so much free time and your husband is at work such long hours. The only sensible solution is your husband changing jobs. But until that happens, YABU not to do all the school runs.

Why? Because sensibly thinking people acknowledge that men aren't always automatically in the wrong?

It's not a case of being MRAs, it's looking at a situation and making a judgement. And recognising that women can, shock horror, also be in the wrong.

OP, I have not rtft, only your posts. I am shocked at the responses you have had on here.

So you are at home with an SEN child who has only recently walked to school alone at 15, plus another child. Your husband is out 12 hours per day yet, despite this, does not financially provide for his family??! Only 40%?

WTF! You are carrying this man like a dead weight. What is the actual point of him?

The deal is, if he wants a SAHM so he can focus better in his business (without you know, daily life skills like housework, cooking, the fact you have 2 children) - then the least he does is financially provide for that family.

He sounds like an indulged child. So his shop is open 1pm to 12am - so what? Loads of people go to bed at 1am and get up for 8am.

I literally don't know how you have coped for so long. I'm sorry you have encountered the anti-SAHM agents of MN too. Those accusing you of doing adult work should be ashamed.

Nevertheless - at the moment, you are facilitating him and he is not facilitating you. He does nothing for your family apart from the bins and 40% of your income. This is beyond ridiculous.

No, mate. Because it's not the first time we've had an absolute influx of men who are here because they're terrified of, and enraged by, women speaking together without their correction. (Weirdly, they usually say that the place is nasty but also think women are incapable of saying other women can be wrong. I didn't say they were smart.) And that's actually been how they all arrived here. I'm not making it up.

I suppose these days it's more likely to come from a Reddit thread though. One frequented by intelligent, mature, socially conscious and egalitarian people with no axe to grind, of course.

Skint ? Nope. I am the main provider and am able to stay home .

Do you work?

If so that means you’re not a SAHP and posters would give you a lot more sympathy for doing all the tasks associated with being a SAHP.

But you’re claiming that you are a SAHP, have 6 hours of free time to yourself every day, have a source of income that magically appears and requires absolutely no input from you, you’re annoyed your DH only contributes 40% (almost half) of the household income even though he does 12 hour shifts and you’re moaning you have to do the school runs because it takes time out of your 6 hours of free time a day.

You’re either one of the most entitled, spoilt, living in a dream world posters that’s ever posted.
Or you’re leaving a lot of details out.

Your husband is out 12 hours per day yet, despite this, does not financially provide for his family??! Only 40%?

It is very rare that both partners earn the exact same amount.

In fact going by threads on here, it is often the women who contributes much less as she’s taken time out to be a parent.

There have been threads where the DW earns less than £20k, yet her DH is on £60k+.
No one ever says how bad it is that she earns so little compared to her husband because that would just be ridiculous.

OPs DH works his ass off, he just happens to get slightly less than OPs imaginary income.

Him providing the family with half of its income whilst OP doesn’t work all day seems like a very good deal for OP.

Do we know he works his ass off? He disappears to a shop for 12 hours - a shop which makes no money. And doesn’t see his family in the week because of this choice.

So, tell me if I have this right, you both have other sources of income (that aren’t benefits, illegal or immoral!). You pay 60% and your DH pays 40% of the household outgoings.

The shop is your DH dream but is in the early stages and is yet to turn a profit. He is working extremely long, hard hours leaving you to carry the burden of all the jobs around the home. I can understand why you might feel bitter. It must feel like Groundhog Day doing the same boring jobs, paying bills and keeping everything ticking over.

Regarding the shop, have always supported the idea and is it likely to make life better for you all as a family once it takes off? If so, then although it is hard, you should carry on supporting him as you will both reap the benefits in the future.

It would probably do you both good to make an effort to set time aside, enjoy your family together and have some fun. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and life very boring.

So your entire life, rent/ mortgage, all bills etc is funded 60/40 by you and DH and yet not a single penny of that money is from a job or the government? OKAY

I'm not sure if you're implying I am one of those men?! For reference, I am a very boring middle aged woman (although I guess if I were a man in disguise, I would say that!!).

I get what you're saying, but in this particular thread, I genuinely do think the OP is unreasonable (and if I'm honest, the lack of willingness to say how she gets this mysterious money just makes me wonder how much of the thread is genuine, but that's an aside). But I can't see how you've come to the conclusion that the majority of posters must be men, just because people are saying the OP is unreasonable?

I have seen soooo many threads where a woman will present her side of a situation and everyone automatically agrees with her and tells her to LTB, but if ever a man posts, he is immediately inundated with "well, I'd be interested to hear HER side", or "how much do you actually help around the house", "she probably has PND" etc.

I find it refreshing to see people being more balanced.

But perhaps that makes me sound like a man?!

in this particular thread, I genuinely do think the OP is unreasonable

So do loads of people. Have you read it? Whence this "ooh shock horror women can be wrong" bollocks?