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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Expecting HIM to do school run?

771 replies

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:36

Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order .
My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am..

I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen.

We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups.

He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it .

I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.

The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else .

some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin.

I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend …

Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 02/09/2022 15:52

My money is on the OP making some good investments/shares/ property-maybe she’s worked her arse off for 15 years ans earnt a fortune so quite rightly wants to spend time at home for now

Then why not say so???

GlitteryGreen · 02/09/2022 15:55

Taking this at face value, I actually think the OP is getting a hard time!

I don't think it's that bad to get up for the school run when it's literally the only time you get to spend with your children during the week - many would want to do that.

I'd maybe suggest splitting it so he does 2 or 3 and OP does the rest.

Everanewbie · 02/09/2022 15:57

GlitteryGreen · 02/09/2022 15:55

Taking this at face value, I actually think the OP is getting a hard time!

I don't think it's that bad to get up for the school run when it's literally the only time you get to spend with your children during the week - many would want to do that.

I'd maybe suggest splitting it so he does 2 or 3 and OP does the rest.

Meaning that the DH gets 5 hours sleep?

Brefugee · 02/09/2022 16:03

This thread has gone weird. Lots of PP clearly just extremely jealous of you OP that you are a SAHM but also seem to have a secure income that means you are simultaenously the breadwinner. I'm sure a lot of the aggression you have received on this thread is just because of jealousy.

I'm not sure about anything else but since the OP has been anything but clear about what she considers her contribution to be (is she a BTL Landlord? who knows) and since she is expecting her DH to get by on very little sleep, and since she is rude to everyone... jealousy is the LAST feeling i have towards her.
The thread has been entertaining in parts tho.

mattressspring · 02/09/2022 16:07

It's funny how anyone could think people are jealous of OP. She has hardly got it all going right, has she? What's to be jealous of?

Tigerstigers · 02/09/2022 16:09

Onlyfans?

Tigerstigers · 02/09/2022 16:10

How do you have an income as a sahm? Asking for a friend...

Brefugee · 02/09/2022 16:10

He would then only see his dad face to face on a weekend if we were home by the time he wakes up ( normally I have them out doing fun stuff ) …

you wrote this OP (I c&p so yes, you did). So when you then wrote this

I have never said I take my child out on the one day he has off
you can probably understand why i'm confused about this.

but you are posting in bad faith. Do you work outside the home (or at home but not as a SAHP) to earn money? do you have an income stream? is this how you contribute 60%? or are you calculating the value of your contribution in terms of being housekeeper/cook/childcare? (which is a valid calculation, imo, and one i have long thought should be included in GDP) or do you have actual honest to goodness folding stuff coming in from somewhere? (where, isn't that important but it would be good to know since your are all defensive and coy about it)

how much sleep do you think an adult with quite a physical job should get? 6 hours? 7? 8? (disclaimer: all adults are different, and are different at different times/stages of their lives)

quite the conundrum, OP

GlitteryGreen · 02/09/2022 16:15

Everanewbie · 02/09/2022 15:57

Meaning that the DH gets 5 hours sleep?

Show quote history

OP says he's home at 12.30, so even if he stays up an hour and goes to bed at 1.30, he still has almost 7hrs until 8.15, which is when OP says he'd need to get up for the school run. I don't think that's too bad a couple of times a week?

And he obviously doesn't need to do any of this during school holidays and weekends, which make up a decent chunk of the year.

I just think he is part of the family too, he presumably wanted his child and he has chosen to open a business which takes him out of a large chunk of family life - namely all afternoon and evening every weekday. He should still have to contribute - beyond financially - in some sense to his family life.

Again, this is taking OP's post at face value though - ie that he does not support the whole family financially and OP is shouldering the majority of the financial burden as well as all of the family and domestic duties.

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 02/09/2022 16:16

I think everyone naturally assumed that your full time job is looking after home and kids whilst his job is working outside of the home to bring in the money. Its important to be clear about what your roles are in the home, as under these circumstances its reasonable that you do the school runs. Your following posts say that he isn't in fact providing money to the home, and that you are the main bread winner, so you either have a private income from property / parents, savings, or you work from home. You are partners so must both contribute in your own way by doing an equal share of the work. If its a case of you have parents who give you cash then you cannot use this as an excuse not to do your bit. If however you work from home, then its reasonable to expect him to pull his weight in the house.

butterpuffed · 02/09/2022 16:20

I am the main provider . My income is more than his and hence I pay 60% of the household costs and he contributes 40%.

Why do you keep referring to his 'contribution' whereas you call yours 'pay' . ? It makes him sound like a second class citizen.

knittingaddict · 02/09/2022 16:26

This thread has gone weird. Lots of PP clearly just extremely jealous of you OP that you are a SAHM but also seem to have a secure income that means you are simultaenously the breadwinner. I'm sure a lot of the aggression you have received on this thread is just because of jealousy.

WeightoftheWorld really not jealous. I was a sahm until our children went to school, worked part time after that and now don't work at all. I could tell you all the boring reasons why and at least they would make sense, unlike the op's story.

knittingaddict · 02/09/2022 16:31

So you do all of the housework and childcare and you provide all the money (from adult work) while he works long hours but brings in no money and probably has a lot of downtime?

For the last time, op does not say she does adult work. She was saying what other people had said, the op's post was a bit mangled and now lots of people seem to think she does adult work, She never said that.

Not defending the op because I think this is a load of old rubbish, but just for clarity.

Nomorefuckstogive · 02/09/2022 16:31

If he doesn’t do the school run, he doesn’t get to see the DC Monday to Friday and they don’t really have him as a role model or for input into their lives. Maybe he could do 4 days out of 5?

Sunnyqueen · 02/09/2022 16:34

Tigerstigers · 02/09/2022 16:09

Onlyfans?

Careful, if you suggest that apparently you are somehow jealous of OP 🤷‍♀️go figure 😂

hewouldwouldnthe · 02/09/2022 17:09

Hopefully your husbands business takes off and he can find himself a team player, rather than a petulant entitled woman child.

FloydPepper · 02/09/2022 17:15

butterpuffed · 02/09/2022 16:20

I am the main provider . My income is more than his and hence I pay 60% of the household costs and he contributes 40%.

Why do you keep referring to his 'contribution' whereas you call yours 'pay' . ? It makes him sound like a second class citizen.

That’s not by accident

lickenchugget · 02/09/2022 17:38

hewouldwouldnthe · 02/09/2022 17:09

Hopefully your husbands business takes off and he can find himself a team player, rather than a petulant entitled woman child.

There’s another thread where she called him the C word for hiring a woman and somehow thought she was in the right as he knows she has ‘jealousy issues’.

Poor man.

ReneBumsWombats · 02/09/2022 17:40

lickenchugget · 02/09/2022 17:38

There’s another thread where she called him the C word for hiring a woman and somehow thought she was in the right as he knows she has ‘jealousy issues’.

Poor man.

Show quote history

What? Can you link?

KettrickenSmiled · 02/09/2022 17:44

What? Can you link?

Come now @ReneBumsWombats - only a spiteful prig would do a user name search & out the saintly OP.
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4366794-Over-reaction-or-not-Nasty-husband

Ooops!

Soubriquet · 02/09/2022 17:47

Goodness me. That poor man can’t do anything right can he?

Cant hire other women
Cant get a full slot of sleep

ReneBumsWombats · 02/09/2022 17:50

KettrickenSmiled · 02/09/2022 17:44

What? Can you link?

Come now @ReneBumsWombats - only a spiteful prig would do a user name search & out the saintly OP.
www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4366794-Over-reaction-or-not-Nasty-husband

Ooops!

Spiteful prigs unite!

And bloody hell. Anyone else still want to suggest the critics are just jealous?

SunnyD44 · 02/09/2022 17:51

This thread has gone weird. Lots of PP clearly just extremely jealous of you OP that you are a SAHM but also seem to have a secure income that means you are simultaenously the breadwinner. I'm sure a lot of the aggression you have received on this thread is just because of jealousy.

People can’t be jealous of what OP is saying because it isn’t true as she would have said it right at the beginning that she contributes financially.
And she would just say how it’s possible to contribute yet not work.

Original poster
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 17:57

Like I said I’ve spoken to my husband and I’ve agreed to take some of the morning school runs on and he’s going to do two.

we are happy with this .

some of the constructive feedback really did give me food for thought hence how I can see I should take on some mornings …

The jealousy filled responses … I sympathise with you that your so consumed by your own misery that it’s poured out into my post with all the digs, pulling up my previous posts , name calling me and so on… truly pathetic.

OP posts:
DamnUserName21 · 02/09/2022 17:58

OP, you are the main financial provider (through work, benefits, whatever) and a SAHP who pretty much does everything.

So why are you with him? If he contributes the bare minimum to family life, get rid.