Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Expecting HIM to do school run?

771 replies

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:36

Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order .
My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am..

I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen.

We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups.

He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it .

I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.

The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else .

some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin.

I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend …

Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 13:47

GreatBigExpectations · 02/09/2022 12:32

I’m not getting how ‘admin’ takes up 25 hours a week tbh.

Nobody including me said it does

OP posts:
Oojamaflipp · 02/09/2022 13:47

OP, the problem is you are being secretive about your finances (god knows why, it's hardly going to out you) and so people are assuming you are changing the story to suit as you go along because things aren't going your way.

My guess would be that your income is benefits of some kind, DLA etc for your child (which you have said is not a shared child, which is why it's "yours" - no judgement by the way if that is the case, just seems the most likely), and your DH's "other income" is universal credit to top up his income from the shop, as he doesn't earn enough.

I suspect if this is the case, you are loathe to say so because people would (rightly) say this is all shared income, and disagree with you being the "main provider".

But unless you provide more information, people can only go on the information you've given.

Drinkingpop · 02/09/2022 13:48

I don't understand why it's acceptable for him to not do anything around the house and not spend any time with the children just because he has a job.

Iamthewalnut · 02/09/2022 13:48

She says it's "adult work", by which I assume she doesn't mean sex work

She didn't say she did adult work though. She said people were making assumptions that she did this. Brighton5555: The attacks on me claiming I’m on benefits , I do adult work, that I am making the post up

HeythereDelilah101 · 02/09/2022 13:50

what Does he do weekends or with time off? Is he really involved with the children on those days?

ReneBumsWombats · 02/09/2022 13:51

Iamthewalnut · 02/09/2022 13:48

She says it's "adult work", by which I assume she doesn't mean sex work

She didn't say she did adult work though. She said people were making assumptions that she did this. Brighton5555: The attacks on me claiming I’m on benefits , I do adult work, that I am making the post up

My apologies, I misread (I'm unwell today).

But that just makes the point itself even stronger: we have no idea what their setup is. She claims to be both a SAHM and the main provider, at 60% of household costs. What exactly is going on and if she wants our opinions, why won't she tell us?

Original poster
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 13:51

SunnyD44 · 02/09/2022 13:06

I said on the weekends I’m normally out and about with the kids

i work weekends too.

So you’re out all day with the kids on the weekends which is why he doesn’t see them much, yet you also work on weekends and earn 60% of the household income.

Yet he works 12 hour shifts FT and only earns 40% of the household income.

What dream world are you actually living in OP 😂😂

Another idiotic reader. The ‘ I work weekends ‘ was in response to a drug dealing comment .. said in jest …

OP posts:
HOTHotPeppers · 02/09/2022 13:54

This is silly OP. Noone can give you advice based on the information you've given.

ReneBumsWombats · 02/09/2022 13:54

OP, stop joking and just tell us what exactly you do to earn income, the hours involved and why you said you were a SAHM if you're the main breadwinner.

MumofSpud · 02/09/2022 13:55

How old are the children?

Original poster
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 13:55

Why is everyone obsessed with me being a stay at home mum but having money ??? This was never the point of my post and the reason why I won’t divulge how I receive a income … it’s not about that !

OP posts:
SunnyD44 · 02/09/2022 13:56

Yeah that she's refusing to tell us about that is absolutely not benefits or sex work or drugs so is presumably inherited or gifted from family

You’d think that if someone genuinely thought that their situation is unfair they would start their OP with - I contribute 60% of the household income by doing X and Y and I do all of the childcare, housework etc.

Not by adding that bit in after everyone has that yes she is lazy.

HOTHotPeppers · 02/09/2022 13:56

For all of the reasons everyone has already listed..

Iamthewalnut · 02/09/2022 13:56

There is no way carers allowance will cover 60%, it's £69.70 a week.

No, but in order to OP receive carer's allowance her child must be in receipt of DLA. If he receives both the care and mobility components at the highest rate in addition to carer's allowance, this works out as £981.93 per month. That's before the addition of child benefit.

This could easily account for 60% of household income if the husband's business isn't doing well.

Original poster
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 13:57

Drinkingpop · 02/09/2022 13:48

I don't understand why it's acceptable for him to not do anything around the house and not spend any time with the children just because he has a job.

This ^

OP posts:
AndSoFinally · 02/09/2022 13:57

I would swap a job with him.

You do the school run, he can do the laundry/batch cook some meals/clean the bathrooms, etc. Anything that takes about half an hour, 5 days a week that he can do before he leaves for work

SunnyD44 · 02/09/2022 13:58

Why is everyone obsessed with me being a stay at home mum but having money ??? This was never the point of my post and the reason why I won’t divulge how I receive a income … it’s not about that !

Because it’s obviously complete BS!

You’re only saying that so it seems you are doing more than you actually are.

You obviously don’t bring in 60% of the income else you would have said it straight away in your OP and you would say how you do it.

MumofSpud · 02/09/2022 13:58

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 13:55

Why is everyone obsessed with me being a stay at home mum but having money ??? This was never the point of my post and the reason why I won’t divulge how I receive a income … it’s not about that !

This is relevant as it feels that the underlying issue is that you feel yanbu as he is not bringing in 100% of the family money!

ReneBumsWombats · 02/09/2022 13:58

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 13:55

Why is everyone obsessed with me being a stay at home mum but having money ??? This was never the point of my post and the reason why I won’t divulge how I receive a income … it’s not about that !

Because unless we know how you earn, or at least how many hours it takes you to earn, we can't say what a fair division of labour is!

Why is it such a sensitive topic? Why can we know all about your husband's business and your children but not how you earn 60% of the money while being a SAHM?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 02/09/2022 13:58

@Iamthewalnut yes but that would be for her son and for stuff he needs and that still isn't OP being the provider.

I'm pretty sure that is what it is but it's still benefits covering it if that's what it is and the OP can't say she's providing.

BotterMon · 02/09/2022 13:58

He does his job; you need to do yours.

TrashPandas · 02/09/2022 13:59

God, some of you have such low standards.

Some of you are really gullible!

girlmom21 · 02/09/2022 14:00

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 13:55

Why is everyone obsessed with me being a stay at home mum but having money ??? This was never the point of my post and the reason why I won’t divulge how I receive a income … it’s not about that !

It's actually quite relevant. If you're basically living as a single mom and having to fund your family from savings so he can 'run' a business as a hobby, you're not unreasonable to want him to pull his weight.

If you're being paid by the government to stay at home and he's trying to get your family into a better financial position by working all the hours he can, you are unreasonable to expect him to do more.

Spritzso · 02/09/2022 14:01

This thread is a little bizarre 😂
If you had a newborn baby/1 year old twins etc I could understand you expecting your husband to do the school run, as it stands with your kids at school in the day YABU.
If it was me I would probably ask my husband to do once a week so the kids had a special 'daddy drop off' day and then really make the most of our weekend family time.

knittingaddict · 02/09/2022 14:01

It's annoying that op states what are generally contradictory statements and won't give a clue about how she provides financially for her family. However even if we knew it wouldn't change much.

If it's benefits then it will be family benefits or related to her teenager with SEN. It won't be the op providing for her family.

If it's something like a trust fund or inheritance it won't make a difference either. Time is as much of a commodity as money. Both parents should work out equal, or as near to equal, downtime as each other. Unless the op spends hours on admin for this mysterious pile of money then it doesn't change my view that op should be doing the school run.

Swipe left for the next trending thread