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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Expecting HIM to do school run?

771 replies

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 08:36

Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order .
My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am..

I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen.

We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups.

He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it .

I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless.

The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else .

some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin.

I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend …

Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?

OP posts:
Nidan2Sandan · 02/09/2022 12:14

I was a SAHM for 10 years, DH worked shifts.

I did them all, all drop offs, all pick ups. If DH was off he might do some, but I'd go with him.

Now we both work full time, I still do the majority.

That's parenting! DHs job is also the bins, he often forgets. But being a grown up I consider life has a bit of push and pull, he works long hours, often unsociable hours.

School runs arent forever, you'll cope just fine doing them all as many Mums already do.

PartnerInCrime · 02/09/2022 12:26

OP, if this is a genuine post, you are are being very selfish. Your life is easier than mums who work FT and then come home at the end of a long day to all the household chores you do while your kids are in school.

When my kids were young, I had to drop them off at three different schools and arrive at work by 7:30 am. DH was unable to help as he was doing shift work and was either working or exhausted and sleeping. I am sorry for your partner.

abovedecknotbelow · 02/09/2022 12:28

the school run is a bit of a red herring. I think you should do the school run as you can go to be earlier than he does. He however needs to pull up his ideas and do other stuff around the house / with the kids.

GreatBigExpectations · 02/09/2022 12:32

I’m not getting how ‘admin’ takes up 25 hours a week tbh.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/09/2022 12:36

Despite having very little energy due to poor health and having needed a series of major surgeries, I have always done all the school runs. I think you’re vu to expect this from your dh. He will be exhausted and miserable.

I think the not earning much money is an issue as much as not being free to do stuff around the house or with the children. Businesses are often like this in the beginning. Will the business turn a profit eventually? Can you sit down with him and plan family time and hand over a couple of tasks?

Original poster
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 12:40

Brefugee · 02/09/2022 11:35

I am just as entitled to a decent nights sleep as he is.

well, he's not getting it. He gets home at gone midnight. And should do the school run at 8:15. So how is he even getting a decent night's sleep - that even assuming he goes to bed immediately and then rolls out of bed and takes them to school? (sorry you got forced out of your job though. that really sucks)

for those saying he needs to spend more time with his child: he gets one day of a week and OP takes the child out for that day so he can't even have that. Jesus, what an absolute fucking mess.

I have never said I take my child out on the one day he has off . I actually said that spends that’s with us once awake.. I said on the weekends I’m normally out and about with the kids so if he doesn’t do the school runs in the week the only time he could see his child would be on the weekend mornings and I cannot guarantee to be home due to activities and fun things we do …

‘ Jesus what a absolute fucking mess ‘ YES your reading skills are just that

OP posts:
Original poster
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 12:43

KettrickenSmiled · 02/09/2022 11:38

He works hard but he has no other responsibilities. He completely gets to focus there because I carry everything here .

And that goes both ways.
You completely get to focus on family & domestic life, because he carries everything financially.

Why can't you run the business a few evenings a week, while he looks out for the DC & relaxes at home? That would dovetail nicely with also sharing the school run. If you cant concessions, you also have to offer some ...

Does anyone actually read the op here ? He DOES NOT carry us financially as a family.

He provides a contribution… 40% of the running costs of the house .. I am the main provider money wise …

The shop is his dream , his desire , his hard graft.

OP posts:
Original poster
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 12:45

KettrickenSmiled · 02/09/2022 11:56

😂😂😂
Thank you @everywoman682 - but apparently I am bang wrong, as in later updates, OP claims that her H's business barely breaks even, & she is the one supporting the household financially, via adultwork.

So that's us told.
And not AT ALL suspiciously shoehorned in once PP didn't react with frothing condemnation of the H ...

Show quote history

Another lazy reader .. I have never said I do adult work. 🙄

OP posts:
Beees · 02/09/2022 12:45

It sounds like you have no respect or affection for him so why not just leave. If you're doing all the work anyway and you're also the main breadwinner despite not working then why stay?

BattenburgDonkey · 02/09/2022 12:46

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 12:43

Does anyone actually read the op here ? He DOES NOT carry us financially as a family.

He provides a contribution… 40% of the running costs of the house .. I am the main provider money wise …

The shop is his dream , his desire , his hard graft.

Show quote history

So when you said….

i am the main provider because his shop doesn’t make money, we do not benefit from it in any way. He used to have a job and make a wage , now it’s about survival for him.

This was a lie? Because he does provide 40% of the running costs of the house. So he does contribute.
Also if you are so desperate for him to see the kids prioritise that on a weekend morning instead of going out for random activities, simple.

Original poster
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 12:46

Beees · 02/09/2022 12:45

It sounds like you have no respect or affection for him so why not just leave. If you're doing all the work anyway and you're also the main breadwinner despite not working then why stay?

Because I do love my husband . I also want my family to stay together . My post was not about separation or my income it was about school runs ….. 😵‍💫

OP posts:
VickerishAllsort · 02/09/2022 12:48

She's dealing drugs 9-3

notamilf · 02/09/2022 12:48

Yes. You are very lazy and spoilt

Original poster
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 12:48

BattenburgDonkey · 02/09/2022 12:46

So when you said….

i am the main provider because his shop doesn’t make money, we do not benefit from it in any way. He used to have a job and make a wage , now it’s about survival for him.

This was a lie? Because he does provide 40% of the running costs of the house. So he does contribute.
Also if you are so desperate for him to see the kids prioritise that on a weekend morning instead of going out for random activities, simple.

Show quote history

Nope, not a lie . His shop doesn’t make profit. He is making a contribution monthly to the house at around 40% of the actual costs.

He has income separately from his shop that allows him to make that payment .

i am the main provider .

before this shop he had a regular job with a set wage and could make a slightly higher payment . This is not the case now

OP posts:
Original poster
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 12:49

VickerishAllsort · 02/09/2022 12:48

She's dealing drugs 9-3

i work weekends too. 😂😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 12:50

notamilf · 02/09/2022 12:48

Yes. You are very lazy and spoilt

Spoilt ? Nah .

Lazy? Not a day in my life

OP posts:
ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 02/09/2022 12:50

Gosh, how lucky you both have independent incomes. Almost... unbelievable.

rainbowmilk · 02/09/2022 12:51

One could argue that if your provision is from benefits then you’re no more providing yourself than his shop is, so lording that over him is rather hypocritical.

BattenburgDonkey · 02/09/2022 12:51

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 12:48

Nope, not a lie . His shop doesn’t make profit. He is making a contribution monthly to the house at around 40% of the actual costs.

He has income separately from his shop that allows him to make that payment .

i am the main provider .

before this shop he had a regular job with a set wage and could make a slightly higher payment . This is not the case now

Show quote history

You still lied because you deliberately implied he contributes nothing, you are being deliberately obtuse with that and your winding people up repeatedly going on about you being the main provider despite having no job. Anyway you’ve got your answer about the school runs - majority think YABU so there you go.

AlexandriasWindmill · 02/09/2022 12:52

I don't think YABU. The issue isn't so much about splitting effort because two actions (drop off and bin) do not a contribution make. It's about him having time with the DC.
My DH does all the school runs. He worked away for a long time and when he came back he wanted to ringfence time with the DCs.
I don't think you should back down on your DH doing this. He is choosing how much time he devotes to his new business and he is choosing how he structures his days. Atm that is to the detriment of the family not to its benefit. You're supporting him financially, emotionally and practically to enable him to pursue what he wants. In return, the least he can do is commit to spending a minimum amount of time with his DCs in the morning. Otherwise, what is he bringing to the relationship or the family? He may be focusing on building a business but he's making himself redundant in the family. That's not acceptable.

ReneBumsWombats · 02/09/2022 12:57

So you work, but you're a SAHM?

How many hours a week do you work and are both your kids at school? I know you said the eldest is.

everywoman682 · 02/09/2022 13:03

OP is a SAHM but also works, but doesn't work, but provides most of the household income, but .... this story has more twists and turns than a twisty turny thing

FloydPepper · 02/09/2022 13:04

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 12:43

Does anyone actually read the op here ? He DOES NOT carry us financially as a family.

He provides a contribution… 40% of the running costs of the house .. I am the main provider money wise …

The shop is his dream , his desire , his hard graft.

Show quote history

But you said his shop doesn’t make money. Yet you make him pay 40%

is that in proportion to your/his earnings?

Shinyandnew1 · 02/09/2022 13:05

So you work, but are a SAHM?

Maybe if you started making sense, you would get helpful answers

SunnyD44 · 02/09/2022 13:06

I said on the weekends I’m normally out and about with the kids

i work weekends too.

So you’re out all day with the kids on the weekends which is why he doesn’t see them much, yet you also work on weekends and earn 60% of the household income.

Yet he works 12 hour shifts FT and only earns 40% of the household income.

What dream world are you actually living in OP 😂😂