Page 11 | Expecting HIM to do school run?

Brighton5555 · 2022-09-02T07:36:31+00:00

Just wanted to get a idea if I’m out of order . My Dh runs his own business and works long hours normally getting home at 12.30am.. I am a stay at home mum to our child plus my elder child who has sen. We have a agreement where Dh takes our son to school each morning and I do all pick ups. He has said as he’s is working so hard at his shop it’s really not fair for him to get up at 8.15am Monday to Friday to do this .. hinting I should do it . I don’t like school runs but do all pick ups. I also do all the housework / cooking / cleaning / appointments / admin/ planning/ paying bills / taking kids to clubs / activities .. you know the list is endless. The only things my husband does is this school run and taking the bin out once a week. Nothing else . some might think as I’m a stay at home mum I should do it but if I do ( I’m already up each morning and all the work of getting the kids ready for school is done , he literally just drives our child ) then he literally does one thing a week - the bin. I could take my child but I don’t see why I should. I get he works long hours and in the summer holidays he’s been getting up at 10.30am every morning so to have to wake up at 8.15 he isn’t going to like but he doesn’t have to do it during the holidays / half terms and weekend … Am I wrong ? am I being lazy ?

RaRaRaspoutine · 02/09/2022 10:45

You "don't like" the school run? Does anyone?

newbiename · 02/09/2022 10:47

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 10:16

Your welcome to carry on the assumptions about income into my home .

my post was about the school run .

forgive me for NOT sharing my financial private information on a public forum.. crazy I know

It's because people can't work out how you're the main provider but you don't work.
No one is asking to see your bank statement.
What DO you actually do all day ?
He could do some housework before he leaves for work HTH

Mumspair1 · 02/09/2022 10:49

Meraas · 02/09/2022 10:31

He's barely even there, he's a ghost in your household.

He doesn't even offer financial support.

As you're the main provider, stop subsidising him and chuck him out.

Why have you settled for so little?

LOL

Marvellousmadness · 02/09/2022 10:50

You are not lazy
But you are wrong

Get him to help in the household with other things. Whenever it suits his schedule. The school runs should be done by the stay at home parent for sure!

RaRaRaspoutine · 02/09/2022 10:50

Bobbins36 · 02/09/2022 09:42

Was it the money she found in the charity shop handbag?? 😂😂 this OP is off her trolley 😂😂 www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4490528-Found-money-what-should-I-do

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Oh my god this explains everything - OP's magic blanket money provides!

Brefugee · 02/09/2022 10:51

If he doesn’t take his son to school then he wouldn’t see him in person at all during the week as he would be asleep when our son wakes and wouldn’t be home until our son is asleep. He would then only see his dad face to face on a weekend if we were home by the time he wakes up ( normally I have them out doing fun stuff )

So, OP when he does have a day off and could see his son you take the son out so he can't see him? You're so completely out of order that it's not funny.

But anyway, since you won't tell us how you earn your squillions - I'll say it again as other pp have: you are not only wrong and lazy you're unreasonable in the extreme.

Dutch1e · 02/09/2022 10:55

BradPittsLeftTit · 02/09/2022 09:22

Opie, for the love of God will you answer the fucking question about your finances! How on earth are you the main provider

None of your fucking business you nosy thing. Whether it's from benefits or a trust fund or a lump-sum payout from a previous marriage, it's irrelevant..... he's working 60 hour weeks and unable to earn enough to support a family. Meanwhile OP is contributing financially AND carrying the entire family.

ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave · 02/09/2022 10:56

RecHarged · 02/09/2022 10:09

Do you have a SEN child ? For all we know there could be huge additional needs - night care or frequent appts etc OP must be exhausted

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If that was true, OP has six hours a day to herself where she could catch up on sleep. She's just lazy.

Beachbabe1 · 02/09/2022 10:57

As the sahp with children in school all day, the chores, home admin and school runs are down to you imo! Sounds like you have a lovely life at home all day! Most people work full time, run the house and do school runs (myself included)!! I feel sorry for your husband and he rightly so should have a lie in after getting in at 12.30am!!

Backtobacknow · 02/09/2022 10:57

Dutch1e · 02/09/2022 10:55

None of your fucking business you nosy thing. Whether it's from benefits or a trust fund or a lump-sum payout from a previous marriage, it's irrelevant..... he's working 60 hour weeks and unable to earn enough to support a family. Meanwhile OP is contributing financially AND carrying the entire family.

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If it's benefits it is not OP contributing financially.

Choopi · 02/09/2022 10:58

Dutch1e · 02/09/2022 10:55

None of your fucking business you nosy thing. Whether it's from benefits or a trust fund or a lump-sum payout from a previous marriage, it's irrelevant..... he's working 60 hour weeks and unable to earn enough to support a family. Meanwhile OP is contributing financially AND carrying the entire family.

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I'm wondering why people think it is there business or at all relevant how the OP earns money? Maybe she has a passive income, maybe she rents out a house, maybe it's an inheritance, etc etc it actually doesn't matter. What matter is that her fella sees his kids for fuck all time in a week and contributes fuck all to the household. I'd be bitter about it too.

Original poster

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 10:58

Extreme ? hardly …

OP posts:

DuggeeHugPlease · 02/09/2022 10:58

Sounds like an odd set up and clearly it's not working for you so make some changes. It's fair enough he doesn't want to get up early every morning so maybe get him to do 2 morning runs so he sees his kids and you don't have to do them all.
On the other mornings he can spend an hour cleaning/tidying/doing laundry/grocery shopping/house admin etc etc to lighten the load on you.

But I agree that the school run should really fall to the SAHP and I'm just as baffled as everyone else at how you are the main breadwinner when you say you are a SAHP.

Original poster

Brighton5555 · 02/09/2022 10:59

Choopi · 02/09/2022 10:58

I'm wondering why people think it is there business or at all relevant how the OP earns money? Maybe she has a passive income, maybe she rents out a house, maybe it's an inheritance, etc etc it actually doesn't matter. What matter is that her fella sees his kids for fuck all time in a week and contributes fuck all to the household. I'd be bitter about it too.

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I have often thought if we had a set up of him supporting us I would not feel bitter about how little he does but according to mumsnet it’s fine for him to do so little because he has a job.

OP posts:

FloydPepper · 02/09/2022 11:00

Meraas · 02/09/2022 10:31

He's barely even there, he's a ghost in your household.

He doesn't even offer financial support.

As you're the main provider, stop subsidising him and chuck him out.

Why have you settled for so little?

She’s not the main provider, she made that up to make herself seem more seasonable. It’s not worked…

FloydPepper · 02/09/2022 11:00

Reasonable

HOTHotPeppers · 02/09/2022 11:01

People are asking OP as it's relevant. If you mean you're working from home all day and just actually in the house that would be different to an income you didn't need to 'work for'. For example could you get back from the school run and then go and have a nap? Do you get plenty of time to chill out in the day while the DC are at school? I do think having a DC with sen probably comes with additional challenges, even without this he should be helping out abit. If he lived alone he would need to clean up after himself. Buy maybe the school run is not the way to go about it given the timings and how much sleep he would get.

SunnyD44 · 02/09/2022 11:01

I have often thought if we had a set up of him supporting us I would not feel bitter about how little he does but according to mumsnet it’s fine for him to do so little because he has a job.

If you’re so unhappy then end the relationship.

I have a feeling you won’t do that though as that will mean you’ll actually need to get a job and not have 6+ hours to yourself everyday.

AprilRae91 · 02/09/2022 11:01

You’re being lazy, he works long hours to bring in all the money so you can run home and look after kids. If he asked you to go cash the shop tills each night at midnight would that be fair?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 02/09/2022 11:02

Dutch1e · 02/09/2022 10:55

None of your fucking business you nosy thing. Whether it's from benefits or a trust fund or a lump-sum payout from a previous marriage, it's irrelevant..... he's working 60 hour weeks and unable to earn enough to support a family. Meanwhile OP is contributing financially AND carrying the entire family.

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Of course it's relevant.

If it's from a trust fund or a lump sum payout from a previous marriage that is the OP providing.

If it's from benefits then neither of them are providing and it's calculated on the both of them not just her.

girlmom21 · 02/09/2022 11:03

Imagine having 6 child free hours a day to do your cleaning, 'life admin' etc? That'd be amazing.

Him being almost completely absent is crap but that's their choice as a family unit as the OP clearly isn't open to the idea of him staying home more while she runs the shop.

Thoughtful2355 · 02/09/2022 11:04

sorry but YABU, you get 9 til 3 off. lets face it you dont spend every minute of that cleaning or doing chores, you can sit down with a coffee or make yourself a breezy lunch and watch something on tv, you can have a hours nap if you want.

If you cant then your doing life wrong. He doesnt get a break except to sleep.
He is making your income so give him some respect, he isnt at home doing chores BECAUSE THATS YOUR JOB as a stahm.
The point is, your a stahm which is giving you a full time job, he also has a full time job, YOUR JOB is too do the house chores and sort kids out when they are with you, that to me should include school runs, then any days off for him should then mean a 50/50 split so you both get equal time off

Meraas · 02/09/2022 11:05

FloydPepper · 02/09/2022 11:00

She’s not the main provider, she made that up to make herself seem more seasonable. It’s not worked…

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If you're not going to believe the OP, why even post on the thread?

She says she is the main provider, so I believe her.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 02/09/2022 11:06

OP you said he gives you a contribution each month - how much does he give you? If you don't want to say the specific amount could you say the percentage - like whether it's 30% of what you need to run the house each month?

rainbowmilk · 02/09/2022 11:07

The Golden Uterus Syndrome is strong in you OP. If he’s working 80 hours per week and not making any money, and you’re providing for the household AND being the SAHP (seems highly unlikely but whatever), why don’t you suggest he takes some time out to find a better job that suits family living more?