Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I pay for the damage I caused?

395 replies

GogglesM · 01/09/2022 21:14

18 months ago, whilst reversing out of my boyfriend's drive, I accidentally scraped his car with my own. I was, of course, mortified and I offered at the time to go through my insurance and make a claim, or to pay to repair it privately. He told me not to worry about it and it hasn't been mentioned since.

My boyfriends car is on finance and he is now giving it back to the dealership and he is hoping to use his car to negotiate a deal on a new car. He recently got all of the scrapes repaired (including the one I caused) and it cost him just shy of £1,000. There was no mention of me paying anything towards this until after he had got the bill and had already paid. He is now asking me for a contribution of £300 towards the cost, for the scrape I caused. I've said that I'm happy to go through the insurance, but, even though I did offer cash 18 months ago, I now cannot afford to pay privately for the repair due to the cost of living. My boyfriend doesn't want to go through the insurance as he has had to make a claim recently and he worries it will affect his excess and future insurance costs. He's also said it is a lot of hassle to go through the insurance.

I do also find it a little odd to be asking for the money 18 months on, but that's by the by, and I haven't said that to him. Our relationship has moved on to the point where we will be buying a house together soon and it is serious. There's also a large wage disparity between us, I earn a modest wage with a benefit top up and he earns over £100k. That's not to say I shouldn't pay for damage I have caused, it's just the whole situation feels a bit off to me, especially to be asking for the money now so long after the incident.

What would you do in this situation?

OP posts:
JustLikeAWhiteWingedDove · 02/09/2022 09:15

Give him the £300 and end the relationship

Marmite17 · 02/09/2022 09:15

I also would avoid people paying a lot on HP. Pretty dim neighbor and partner endedvu

IncompleteSenten · 02/09/2022 09:23

"Wwyd in this situation "

I would not move in with him.

I assume you've discussed and agreed finances and both feel it's fair and reasonable?

I'd be inclined to think it very possible you'd get stuck living with him and he'd decide to change the financial arrangement.

No way would I move in.

Re paying for the damage - you offered at the time and he said no. I would stick to through insurance or nothing.

TheWayoftheLeaf · 02/09/2022 09:33

Tbh I think you should pay a bit at a time. You damaged his car.

bluegreygreen · 02/09/2022 09:37

I would give him £300, on principle.

i would not buy a house with him.

Marmite17 · 02/09/2022 09:50

Sorry finger slipped on last message. Neighbor bought many goods on the never never. 70 thousand in debt when her husband, the only wage earner died.

Marmite17 · 02/09/2022 10:05

So message really is to not enter financial arrangements with stupid people.

whynotwhatknot · 02/09/2022 10:29

Wow how tight is he-hes made up a figure because apprently he doesnt know how much and wants his low earning gf to pay out after 18 months

you do realise op you'll lose most of your benefits when you move in with him have you ever discusses finances-is he always so tight

lamaze1 · 02/09/2022 10:30

OGLittlePickerWithTheMassiveKnickers · 02/09/2022 09:14

1- Request copy of repair bill.

2- If bill makes sense, send him £150 stating it represents your insurance excess and that’s all you can afford.

3- Tell him he owes you for filling up your car’s tank of petrol (that is utterly bonkers he didn’t).

4- DO NOT BUY A HOUSE WITH HIM.

5- Get a better boyfriend.

Good luck OP. You sound really nice and sensible. Please trust your gut on this.

Absolutely agree with this, only I'd deduct cost of refilling and any insurance premium you may have paid to add him to your policy.

lamaze1 · 02/09/2022 10:31

Sorry. I'd deduct those things from the £150 and give him the balance.

Marmite17 · 02/09/2022 10:31

Also think that credit arrangements on even low cost goods add to this problem

Skidaramink · 02/09/2022 11:59

OnaBegonia · 01/09/2022 21:22

Nothing less attractive than a tight fisted man. Earns over £100k and is asking for £300 after 18mths, do not buy a house with him.

I agree with this I think.

It would be the gentlemanly thing to let it go. You did offer at the time.

Meltingsocks · 02/09/2022 14:55

I 100 percent wouldn't move in with him. He's selfish and tight.

GullTamer · 02/09/2022 17:57

I'm sue everyone must be saying the same thing; RUN. Do it now. You don't want to waste your life away with that tight-fisted c*!

I'd pay back the £300 though, on principle. Yours, not his. If you don't it will trouble you because unlike your wannabe-partner, you appear to have a conscience.

Foquita · 02/09/2022 18:05

Sorry to say but these are warnings signs that your boyfriend is not a good person for you. He earns quite well and is happy to humiliate you for £300. !Run away!

niugboo · 02/09/2022 18:16

Dump him.

Insanelysilver · 02/09/2022 18:18

Pay and dump him at the same time.

StressedOutMumBex · 02/09/2022 18:19

Fairylightsongs · 01/09/2022 22:02

Um yes she’s even written it in the op. He needs to hand it back so needs to get it repaired.he didn’t wish to claim on insurance as it would affect his claims. He’s paying 700 of the damage she caused.he’s only asking her for 300.

Show quote history

No the OP should not pay. He said she didn't have to, that boat has sailed - who does this 18 months down the line ? if he had said 'oh we can sort it out once its fixed or when i'm trading in' , that would be different, but he didn't. She does not have any obligation to give him anything towards it now and he should be more considerate of her financial situation at this point in time.

OutOnTheHills · 02/09/2022 18:19

I'd hotfoot it straight out of that relationship, count my lucky stars - and 300 quid - that I discovered his hidden gremlins before signing up for a house together. If he's honestly on that kind of salary, why is he worrying about his insurance premiums and some pocket change. 🤔

Grrrrdarling · 02/09/2022 18:20

GogglesM · 01/09/2022 21:14

18 months ago, whilst reversing out of my boyfriend's drive, I accidentally scraped his car with my own. I was, of course, mortified and I offered at the time to go through my insurance and make a claim, or to pay to repair it privately. He told me not to worry about it and it hasn't been mentioned since.

My boyfriends car is on finance and he is now giving it back to the dealership and he is hoping to use his car to negotiate a deal on a new car. He recently got all of the scrapes repaired (including the one I caused) and it cost him just shy of £1,000. There was no mention of me paying anything towards this until after he had got the bill and had already paid. He is now asking me for a contribution of £300 towards the cost, for the scrape I caused. I've said that I'm happy to go through the insurance, but, even though I did offer cash 18 months ago, I now cannot afford to pay privately for the repair due to the cost of living. My boyfriend doesn't want to go through the insurance as he has had to make a claim recently and he worries it will affect his excess and future insurance costs. He's also said it is a lot of hassle to go through the insurance.

I do also find it a little odd to be asking for the money 18 months on, but that's by the by, and I haven't said that to him. Our relationship has moved on to the point where we will be buying a house together soon and it is serious. There's also a large wage disparity between us, I earn a modest wage with a benefit top up and he earns over £100k. That's not to say I shouldn't pay for damage I have caused, it's just the whole situation feels a bit off to me, especially to be asking for the money now so long after the incident.

What would you do in this situation?

His opportunity for you to pay was when the accident happened & you offered to pay for the damage.
His refusal to take your offer of payment to repair removed all obligation you had to repair the damage.
If he is getting funny about this 18 months after you offered to pay & he said ‘it didn’t matter’ I’d be seriously reconsidering the relationship & I certainly wouldn’t be buying a house with him!

Jinglebell2020 · 02/09/2022 18:22

🚩 Run.

Scottsy100 · 02/09/2022 18:30

Are you sure you want to move in with this man because he sounds like a proper CF to me

Buttonjugs · 02/09/2022 18:31

He shouldn’t be asking for it now after all this time. Please don’t move in with this man it’s going to be to your detriment. You will lose your top up benefit and he most likely will expect you to pay half the bills.

Irritatedmum · 02/09/2022 18:31

Does he really, really earn £100k? Or is that a big lie and really he’s skint?? He sounds like a nightmare and no way I’d be moving in. You’ll lose your benefits, I’ve seen so many horror stories on here.

MarvellousMonsters · 02/09/2022 18:32

OnaBegonia · 01/09/2022 21:22

Nothing less attractive than a tight fisted man. Earns over £100k and is asking for £300 after 18mths, do not buy a house with him.

Or move in with him. He will probably expect to split the bills 50:50 and be clueless as to why you can't match him.