Do I pay for the damage I caused?

[GogglesM]

18 months ago, whilst reversing out of my boyfriend's drive, I accidentally scraped his car with my own. I was, of course, mortified and I offered at the time to go through my insurance and make a claim, or to pay to repair it privately. He told me not to worry about it and it hasn't been mentioned since.

My boyfriends car is on finance and he is now giving it back to the dealership and he is hoping to use his car to negotiate a deal on a new car. He recently got all of the scrapes repaired (including the one I caused) and it cost him just shy of £1,000. There was no mention of me paying anything towards this until after he had got the bill and had already paid. He is now asking me for a contribution of £300 towards the cost, for the scrape I caused. I've said that I'm happy to go through the insurance, but, even though I did offer cash 18 months ago, I now cannot afford to pay privately for the repair due to the cost of living. My boyfriend doesn't want to go through the insurance as he has had to make a claim recently and he worries it will affect his excess and future insurance costs. He's also said it is a lot of hassle to go through the insurance.

I do also find it a little odd to be asking for the money 18 months on, but that's by the by, and I haven't said that to him. Our relationship has moved on to the point where we will be buying a house together soon and it is serious. There's also a large wage disparity between us, I earn a modest wage with a benefit top up and he earns over £100k. That's not to say I shouldn't pay for damage I have caused, it's just the whole situation feels a bit off to me, especially to be asking for the money now so long after the incident.

What would you do in this situation?

Don't move in with him. In fact i would advise you to ditch him and find yourself a new guy.

You might think that brutal but living with a tight fisted guy like this will bring you no end of misery. In this situation no way in a zillion years would i be asking you for £300 now.

My BIL is tight as a ducks backside, last one at the bar etc etc its a standing joke. What you describe is exactly the sort of thing he would do. Irrespective of what money he has he will take £300 off you regardless of it you can afford it or not as he would consider he should have it. Your BF will be asking you for stage payments next. Seriously, bin him off.

Over the years he has caused my SIL nothing but pain and arguments over money, all of which totally unnecessary. You can't take it with you but some people are like that. You might find his Dad or Brother if he has one are also like that, its a learnt value passed down in most cases.

Good Luck

You offered to pay for the repairs to his car through your own insurance and he declined. And now, a whole 18 months later he is back tracking and is asking you to fork out £300 which you can’t afford. For someone earning £100k+ per annum he sounds incredibly miserly. Are you sure this is the sort of person you want to spend the rest of your life with?

No he’s not a liar. The body shop will not have itemised the price for each scratch! If it was the only scratch or dent on that panel they could probably tell you how much that panel would have cost on it’s own but they would’ve priced the whole job

I'd expect money for the repair at the time but would never dream of turning your offer down and then asking for cash 18 months later.
Also both cars could have been fixed on your insurance if they agreed to pay out.
Would he behave like this with a stranger?

Yes I do think you should give him the money for the damage.

I also think you should end the relationship!!

No way should you buy a house with this guy!!

He's right that's it's daft to use the insurance. It will cost you in the long run with excess and increased payments but that's where he stops being right imo. (Plus it will be too late now the repair is done and they can't assess the damage) You offered to pay when in a better financial situation and he refused - he needs to suck it up now. Are there phone red flags, especially regarding money? Think about this carefully before buying a home together.

Excuse me Mr X, I have the phone number you gave me after scraping my car in January 2021.I now regret not accepting your offer of payment and would like £300.

Ridiculous behaviour on his part.

A few things that concern me!:

*The timing is so weird. Why is he asking 18 months later when you offered at the time.
*The wage disparity and he is asking for a relatively small amount of money compared to his income. Where does his money go?
*Is he trying to prove a point - you pay your way. Could he be trying to control your limited income?
*the incident happened a long time ago - are you going to lie to your insurance company

If you are in this relationship for the long term, now might be the opportune time to be transparent on both your finances. Show you can pay him £300 but he will either have to wait or be paid in installments

It's far too late for him to be asking you for money. As he didn't get it sorted at the time, you don't even know if what he's asking for is reasonable for the damage you caused. The insurance company certainly wouldn't be an option now as there's no way they could be sure that you even damaged his car.

He knows you don't have the money now yet is still trying to pressure you. You should seriously consider whether you really want to be with a man like this, who thinks it's his right to decide what you should pay and when.

His feelings towards you have changed, he is now seeing you as someone to take money from where previously you two were sharing expenses. It should have been sorted out at the time, and he doesn't even need it now, he is just making sure he can make demands and you will comply. Best to cancel any plans to move in together and take more time to figure out if this is the type of man you want to be with.

Also, was it definitely a really deep scratch through to the metal? It shouldn't cost £300 unless it was really big.

Maybe he didn’t fill your car up with fuel because this was his way of recouping part of the £300?

plenty of warning flags, if you carry on with relationship at least you are going into it with your eyes open.

Someone may have already said but a spend thrift is some who IS extravagant OP.

You are thrifty if you are careful with money and can spread it out thinly.

I earn a modest wage with a benefit top up and he earns over £100k.

He's sticking his hand out for the car scratch, this is the least of your problems. You'll surely lose your benefits if you live together, and then he'll be sticking his hand out for a lot more besides. He's tight, you have your warning.

In my opinion you shouldn't pay anything OP. He refused your offer at the time and who else would pay out 18 months later?
On a side note, why is he using HP on a high salary?
I'd be shocked and upset and upset in your situation.
Plus would question his budgeting skills. You sound very sensible with money. Not sure if he is.
Personally think you should refuse to pay and stick to your guns. He needs to know you won't tolerate this behaviour.
Do you live together now? If not would definitely do this before buying a house. You will have to sort division of bills etc. Maybe rent?

This. He should have paid to refuel - unless you share a bank account he owes YOU about £80-£120 depending on the type of car.
He sounds worse the more you post.

Nope, no way. In fact please re think your entire relationship. You know the thing about when someone tells you who they are, listen?
That.

Our relationship has moved on to the point where we will be buying a house together soon and it is serious.

don't do this. Just don't. Look at your income disparity, and think about all the scenarios that could happen if you "buy a house together".

He is unreasonable about the car, can you offer him a fiver a week or something?

This ^^

At the start I was thinking you should contribute, but mainly because you are supposed to be a team and he had a big expense and partners help each other out. But then I read the bit about his much higher salary, so yes I find his request for money really quite concerning. I don’t think I would want to be linking myself financially to this man.

As an aside, you seem overly keen to go through insurance, you know that it will make your insurance more expensive. And of course you cannot go to insurance for a scrape 18 months ago. 🙂

Your gut instinct has been confirmed by the MN poll 😁

Agree. Then double that amount to account for wear and tear. You offered to go through insurance at the time. The excess is £150. He just got at least that from you for using your car for the day.

Outright ask him for the money for fuel and fwat. Then say you’ll deduct it from the £150 you told him you’d pay 18 months ago. It’ll probably be break even or perhaps he will owe you money.

I have read threads upon threads of women, with men, who expect them to contribute 50/50 when there is a massive wage disparity. Women, who are expected to contribute even when on mat leave. Women, who are expected to pay 100% for the joint children.

From what you said, it sounds as though he’s one of these sorts of men. His 100k salary isn’t attractive because he won’t be sharing it with you. Much better to find a generous man on a lower salary, who’d give you his right arm.

He's used you petrol and not lid for it and now wants £300 for the damage 18 months later, and handily no itemised bill.
1/This is either someone who hasn't thought about the implications to others because they do have enough money so £300 is pocket change.
2/ Someone who might earn a good wage but has debts you are unaware of
Or the start of financial abuse which will become worse if you move in together. And if he can come back for £300 after 18 months expect him to come after other dribs and drabs over the coming years.
Options 2-3 are run away now, 1 can be worked on.

His story is nonsense. He’s lying about something. It doesn’t really matter which part of the story is a lie .He’s deliberately attempting to belittle you it’s horrible and quite odd really , very immature
I would pay him the money. Men are spiteful, he could use it against you in the future (you would be surprised).
As everyone says, do not buy a house with him
walk away. You probably won’t ,easy for us to say.
If you do stay double check everything with the mortgage advisor/ broker and solicitor. I doubt he earns 100k.

At the very least go on holiday together. Far too big a jump to think about buying a house. You need some idea of his spending habits. If you really want to be with him share costs over a short term stay.
Definitely don't buy a house unless you have lived together in some context.
Betting you live within your means. Betting he doesn't. A mortgage when you know so little about him would be a disaster. You could easily be paying it alone and money gone when it's repossessed.
If you're worried about energy bills now, why take on a mortgage?
You need to take a step back in this relationship where money is concerned.