to request neighbour to not start their daily home improvements just as I put DD's down for their nap?

[3missys]

OK basics: we live in a quiet neighbourhood in a semi-detatched house and new neighbour moved in approx 4 months ago; middle-aged single lady seems nice enough, said hello etc and coo-ed over girls....

Last few weeks though she seems to be stripping wallpaper, banging etc - which is kind of expected when you move in to somewhere new but our walls seem to be quite thin and the bangs and scrapes are quite loud. I don't have a problem with these itermittant noises during the day BUT she (and her builders I suspect) seems to start at nap time for my 2 DD's (who are 2.2 years and 10 months) which is between 1-3pm approx. There is the odd bang here and there before and after but the majority of the noise seems to be within these times!

My eldest gets scared by these banging noises and despite my best efforts to reassure her I have had to take them both out in the car to get them to sleep and then sit in the car with them until they both wake up - just to get away from the noise. I can't change their nap times either as this is how it has been for ages.

But it's getting to the point that I am thinking why should we leave my own home?

DH said there isn't nothing we can do about it but I think I should speak with her and see if she could avoid these times possibly?

I am normally quite a reasonable person and I think I have been up till now but don't want to cause any nasty neighbourly tension!

Should I talk to her?

Oh dear, think you've got the message now. Majority decision - Y are B U.

Oh LOL, just LOL.

Take them out for a walk in their pram if you're that bothered about a nap. If theyre tired they'll sleep.

If the nosies really do scare your DD then I'd just make bangs myself with things, so she understands loud noises are not to be scared of.

FAQ-this is never small amount-i wonder what on earth there doing at times!and i probably wouldnt mind if it was odd night here and there but its fairly often!also theyre both at home all day!

we probably make quite a bit of noise having 3 children though!

your welcome to come do my housework however late!!!!

I can see where you are coming frm. A 2.2 year old and a 10 monther must be so hard and I shudder just at the thought of it!! No wonder you want every ounce of peace and quiet you can get! I would ask but be very reasonable and say you perfectly understand if they say no. Maybe go round of an evening with a bottle of wine, you might make a good friend (and possibly a babysitter) out of the situation

My dh is a builder and at the moment he is doing up our house, he does it at funny times of the day as he works near by and some times at night (we aren't living there yet)
He went round the couple who live next door and asked them to let him know if he was to noisy, I think it is just polite to do so, not all the work that your neighbour may be having done is noisy work, so just pop round there and ask if at dd's nap time something quite could be done.

i might move to germany!

You have my sympathies however I don't think your neighbour is being unreasonable.

However I would go and speak to the builders myself, explain that you've noticed that there are times when they're quiet and times when noisier and if it could possibly be arranged that the quieter jobs are during your LOs nap times I don't see how anyone can be annoyed.

I certainly asked my own builders to arrange their day like this but I suppose that is a little different as I was paying them

On a more practical note have you tried putting a fan or some source of white noise in the room with them whilst they sleep? I do this when we have parties or a house full as I have a similar fickle sleeper (of my own making! )

YABU. Building work in the afternoon is better than early morning or late at night.

I must say there is quite a few of you who are understanding and think I should broach the subject and as expected a few who think I am compleatly bonkers for wanting to ask .....

But as I said this has been going on now for a while so will see how things are next week and decide either way.

Thanks for your honest comments though.

When dd was a little, I would have said no, he slept through ANYTHING.

Dd is like the Princess and the Pea, everything and anything wakes her up, I would dread this next door, atm She is so horrible when she doesn't sleep, but she even wakes up when people walk past her room.

I'm sure a little word wouldn't do any harm. How loud is it?

If it's builders she probably hasn't much choice - but then, she probably won't be paying for them to be there long, so the problem will pass.

If it's her, why not go round and say "I'm a bit embarrassed to ask, but my sprog is a bit difficult to settle - teeth, you know (good all-purpose parental excuse number 1) - and wants to nap about 1 - 3. Is there any chance you could do quieter bits then for a while - or come round and have a coffee and relax?"

If that doesn't work there's not much you can do, but it's worth a try. If I was the neighbour I'd be embarrassed if I found out I had caused problems unwittingly.

Thanks for that. Today I have only heard one bang but have been out this morning as well plus also girls haven't gone for nap yet..... been doing a bit of curtain twitching and think it is a bathroom and bedroom suite she is installing.... Perhaps today she is doing the tiling with a builder as it is quieter! I have tried using DD's play tools to show her where the noise is coming from which she seems to think is fun at the time but still a problem when she hears the drilling/constant banging.

I don't think you would be unreasonable to ask her if there were quieter jobs that could be done between 1 and 3 when your children are asleep. I think it would be unreasonable to expect this though. I think if you did ask her this you should make it very clear that you understand if that is just not possible - like others have said you can't expect the world to stop when your children are sleeping although there is no harm in asking! This from someone who is DESPERATE to keep ds1's naps going as long as humanly possible so I do understand your frustrations!

I also think its a good idea to ask if you could take your dd to meet the builders and to see what they are up to so she isn't as frightened...

ok, i don't think i agree that there's no harm in asking her. if she, like many others on this thread, thinks youre beng precious and unreasonable, then it could harm your relationship with a new neighbour.

btw, my pet hate, since becoming a mum has been when friends want to arrange all their meetings with you round THEIR LOs nap time. i had 2 friends in particular who did this often. an example of this was one 'friend' refusing dd2's party invitation, as it clashed with PFB's nap

YABU. You can't reasonably expect your neighbours to run their daily activities around your children's nap times. Your girls are going to have to get used to sleeping with loud noises around them. Sorry. The best I would hope for if I were in your position, is for your neighbours to very respond to a gentle request to do their noisy stuff outside of those hours. Either that or change the children's nap time.

Also, maybe when your children are awake, you cannot hear external noises- they may still be there but are now muffled by life in your household. I think it's easy to take these things personally when one is tired and frazzled.

UPDATE: Just this moment new neighbours partner came round to ask if he could park on our drive for a short while which I said yes to.... I also thought it was an opportunity to say about DD's nap time.... He said that most of the gutting out was done now but the kitchen was being ripped out next week so there would be more banging but that would be it so at least I have made them aware of nap time without actually saying be quiet, whether it will make any difference or not I don't know but at least they are aware now and he was ok with me saying!